Page 40 of Bed of Roses (Bride Quartet 2)

CHAPTER TWENTY

HE STARTED CRAWLING IN THE MORNING. HE HAD THE SPEECH he'd edited, revised, and expanded most of the night in his head. The trick, as far as he could tell, would be getting her to listen to him.

She'd listen, he told himself as he turned into the Brown Estate. She was Emma. No one was more kind, more open-hearted, than Emma - and wasn't that only one of the dozens of reasons he loved her?

He'd been an idiot, but she'd forgive him. She had to forgive him because . . . she was Emma. Still his stomach clutched when he saw her car parked at the main house. She hadn't gone home. He wouldn't just be facing her, he thought with genuine, back-sweating fear, but all of them. The four of them, with Mrs. Grady for backup.

They'd roast his balls.

He deserved it, no question. But, dear God, did it have to be the four of them? Fucking A.

"Strap it on, Cooke," he muttered, and got out of the truck.

As he walked to the door, he wondered if the condemned walking the last mile experienced this same feeling of doom and dull terror.

"Get a grip, get a freaking grip. They can't kill you. "

Maim possibly, verbally assault most definitely. But they couldn't kill him. He started to open the door out of habit, then realized as a persona non grata he wasn't entitled. He rang the bell.

He thought he could get around Mrs. G. She liked him - really liked him. He could throw himself on her mercy, then . . .

Parker answered. No one, he thought, absolutely no one got around Parker Brown.

"Uh," he said.

"Hello, Jack. "

"I want - need - to see Emma. To apologize for . . . everything. If I could talk to her for a few minutes and - "

"No. "

Such a small word, he thought, so coolly delivered. "Parker, I just want to - "

"No, Jack. She's sleeping. "

"I can come back, or wait, or - "

"No. "

"Is that all you're going to say to me? Just no?"

"No," she said again without any hint of irony or humor. "It's not all we're going to say. "

Mac and Laurel stepped up behind her. As battle plans went, he had to admit it was superior. No choice but surrender.

"Whatever you're going to say, I deserve. You want me to say I was wrong? I was wrong. That I was an idiot? I was. That - "

"I was thinking more along the lines of selfish prick," Laurel commented.

"That, too. Maybe there were reasons, maybe there were circumstances, but they don't matter. Certainly not to you. "

"They really don't. " Mac eased forward a step. "Not when you hurt the best person we know. "

"I can't fix it, I can't make up for it if you don't let me talk to her. "

"She doesn't want to talk to you. She doesn't want to see you," Parker said. "Not now. I can't say I'm sorry you're hurting, too. I can see you are, but I can't say I'm sorry for it. Not now. Now, this is about Emma, not about you. She needs time, and she needs you to leave her alone. So that's what you're going to do. "

"For how long?"

"As long as it takes. "

"Parker, if you'd just listen - "

"No. "

As he stared at her, Carter started down the hall from the kitchen. Carter shot him one brief, sympathetic look, then turned around and walked back again.

So much for male solidarity.

"You can't just close the door. "

"I can, and I will. But I'll give you something first, because I love you, Jack. "

"Oh God, Parker. " Why not just roast his balls? he thought. It couldn't be more painful.

"I love you. You're not just like a brother to me, you are a brother to me. To us. So, I'll give you something. I'll forgive you eventually. "

"I'm not on board with that," Laurel told him. "I have reservations. "

"I'll forgive you," Parker continued, "and we'll be friends again. But more importantly, Emma will forgive you. She'll find a way. Until she does, until she's ready, you're going to leave her alone. You're not going to call her, or contact her, or try to see her. We're not going to tell her you came here this morning, unless she asks. We won't lie to her. "

"You can't come here, Jack. " The slightest hint of sympathy eked into Mac's voice. "If there's any problem or question with the work on the studio, we'll handle it by phone. But you can't come here until Emma's okay with it. "

"How are you supposed to know when that is?" he demanded. "Is she just going to say, 'Hey, I'm okay if Jack comes around'?"

"We'll know," Laurel said simply.

"If you care about her, you'll give her all the time she needs. I need your word. "

He dragged a hand through his hair as Parker waited. "All right. You, all of you, know her better than anyone. You say this is what she needs, okay, it's what she needs. You've got my word I'll leave her alone until . . . until. "

"And, Jack," Parker added, "you'll take that time for yourself, too. Time to think about what you really want, really need. I want your word on one more thing. "

"Want me to sign in blood?"

"A promise will do. When she's ready, I'll call you. I'll do that for you - and for her - but only if you promise to come here and talk to me before you go to her. "

"All right. I promise. Can you just get in touch once in a while, let me know how she is? What she's - "

"No. Good-bye, Jack. " Parker closed the door, quietly, in his face. On the other side of the door, Mac heaved out a breath. "It's not being disloyal to say I have to feel a little bit sorry for him. I know what it's like to be a complete jerk about this kind of thing. Having someone love you and being an ass. "

Laurel nodded. "Yeah, you do. Take a minute to feel a little bit sorry for him. " She waited, glanced at her watch. "Done?"

"Yeah, pretty much. "

"I guess I'll take a minute, too, because the guy looked rough. " Laurel glanced toward the steps. "But she's had it rougher. We should go check on her. "

"I will. I think we need to stick to routine as much as we can," Parker added. "She'll only feel worse if things get too backed up, if it affects the business. So for now, we work - and if we do get backed up or hit snags, let's try to keep her out of it until she's steadier. "

"If we need an extra hand with anything, we can ask Carter. My guy is the best. "

"Do you ever get tired of bragging about that?" Laurel asked Mac.

Mac considered. "Really don't. " She slung an arm around Laurel's shoulders. "I guess that's why I feel a little bit for Jack, and a whole lot for Emma. Love can really screw you up before you figure out how to live with it. And once you do? You wonder how the hell you ever lived without it. I think I need to go give Carter a real kick-in-the-ass kiss. I'll check back in this afternoon," Mac added as she started toward the kitchen. "Call if she needs me sooner. "

" 'Love can really screw you up before you figure out how to live with it. ' " Laurel pursed her lips. "You know, we could put that on the web page. "

"It has a ring. "

"She's right about Carter. He's the best. But that man is not coming in my kitchen when I'm working. I don't want to have to hurt him, Parker. Let me know if Em needs another shoulder, or you need a soldier on the front line of the bride wars. "

With a nod, Parker started up the steps.

U PSTAIRS, EMMA ORDERED HERSELF TO GET OUT OF BED, TO stop lying there feeling sorry for herself. Instead, she hugged a pillow close and stared at the ceiling. Her friends had drawn the curtains over the windows so the room would stay dark and quiet. They'd tucked her in like an invalid, with extra pillows, a vase of freesia on the nightstand. They'd sat with her until she'd slept.

She should be ashamed, she told herself. Ashamed of being so needy, so weak. But she could only be grateful they'd been there, they'd understood what she'd needed. But now it was another day. She needed to move on, needed to deal with reality. Broken hearts healed. Maybe the cracks were always

there, like thin scars, but they healed. People lived and worked, laughed and ate, walked and talked with those cracks.

For many, even the scars healed and they loved again.

But how many of those people had the one who'd broken their heart so entrenched in their life that they had to see him over and over again? For how many was that person like a thread that was so woven into the tapestry of their every day that to pull it out meant everything else unraveled?

She didn't have the option of shutting Jack outside the structure of her life. Of not seeing him again, or only seeing him at specified times.

That was why office romances were so fraught with pitfalls, she decided. When they went bad, you had to face the pain every day. Nine to five, five days a week. Or you quit, you transferred, moved to another city. You escaped so you could heal and go on.

Not an option for her because . . .

Jamaica. Adele's offer.

Not just another office, another city, but another country. A completely fresh start. She could continue to do the work she loved, but be a new person. No complicated relationships, no interwoven ties. No Jack to face whenever he dropped by the house, or whenever they happened to be in the market at the same time. Invited to the same party.

No looks of sympathy from the scores of people who'd know she had those cracks on her heart. She could do good work. All those tropical flowers. A perpetual spring and summer. A little house on the beach, maybe, where she could listen to the waves every night. Alone.

She shifted when she heard the door ease open.

"I'm awake. "

"Coffee. " Parker crossed to the bed, offered the cup and saucer. "I brought it just in case. "

"Thanks. Thanks, Parker. "

"How about some breakfast?" Moving briskly now, Parker walked over to open the drapes, let in the light.

"Just not hungry. "

"Okay. " Parker sat on the side of the bed, brushed the hair back from Emma's cheek. "Did you sleep?"

"I did, actually. I guess it was an escape route, and I took it. I feel sort of musty and dull now. And stupid. I'm not suffering from some fatal disease. I don't have broken bones or internal bleeding. No one died, for God's sake. And I can't even talk myself into getting out of bed. "

"It's been less than a day. "

"You're going to tell me to give myself time. It'll get better. "

"It will. Some people say divorce can be like death. I think that's true. And I think something like this, when the love is so big, so deep, it's the same. " Parker's eyes, warm and blue, radiated sympathy.

"There has to be grief. "

"Why can't I just be mad? Why can't I just be pissed off? The son of a bitch, the bastard, whatever. Can't I skip off the grief part and just hate him? We can all go out, get drunk, and trash him?"

"Not you, Emma. If I thought you could do it, if I thought it would help, we'd blow off the day, get drunk, and start the trashing right now. "

"You would. " Finding a smile, finally, Emma sat back against the pillows and studied her friend's face.

"You know what I was lying here in my ocean of self-pity thinking right before you came in?"

"What?"

"That I should take Adele's offer. I could go to Jamaica, relocate, help her launch her business. I'd be good at it. I know how to set it up, handle the reins. Or at least find the right people to handle the various reins. It would be a fresh start for me, and I could make it work. I could make it shine. "

"You could. " Rising, Parker walked to the window again, adjusted the curtains. "It's a big decision to make, especially when you're in emotional upheaval. "

"I've been asking myself how, for God's sake, how can I deal with seeing Jack all the time? Here, in town, at events. He's invited to one of our events every month or so. We all know so many of the same people, our lives are so interlinked. Even when I get to the point where I can think about him, about us, without . . . "

She had to pause, dig for control. "Without wanting to cry, how can I handle all of that? I knew it could be this way, I knew it going in, but . . . "

"But. " Parker nodded, turned back.

"So I was lying here imagining taking the offer, starting fresh, building something new. The beach, the weather, a new challenge to focus on. I considered it for about five minutes. No, probably closer to three. This is home, this is family, this is you, this is us. This is me. So I'll have to figure out how to deal with it. "

"I can be really pissed off at him for bringing you to the point you'd have considered that for even three minutes. "

"But if I'd decided it was best for me, you'd have let me go. "

"I'd have tried to talk you out of it. I'd have done spreadsheets, bullet points, graphs, charts, and many, many lists. With a DVD. "

Tears spilled over again. "I love you so much, Parker. "

Parker sat again, wrapped her arms around Emma and held tight.

"I'm going to get up, take a shower, get dressed. I'm going to start figuring out how to deal with it. "

"Okay. "

S HE GOT THROUGH THE DAY, AND THE NEXT. SHE BUILT ARRANGEMENTS, created bouquets, met with clients. She cried, and when her mother came by to be with her, she cried some more. But she dried the tears, and got through the day.

She dealt with crises, managed to handle her team's spoken and unspoken sympathy when they dressed an event. She watched brides carrying her flowers walk to the men they loved. She lived and worked, laughed and ate, walked and talked.

Even though there was a void inside her nothing seemed to fill, she forgave him.

She came into the midweek briefing a few minutes late. "Sorry. I wanted to wait for the delivery for Friday night's event. I've got Tiffany processing, but I wanted to check the callas. We'll be using a lot of Green Goddess and I wanted to check the tone with the orchids before she started. "

She went to the sideboard, chose a Diet Pepsi. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing yet. Actually, you can start," Parker told her. "Since Friday's our biggest event this week, and the flowers just arrived. Any problems?"

"With the flowers, no. Everything came in, and looks good. The bride wanted ultracontemporary, with a touch of funk. Green calla lilies, the cymbidiums - which are very cool in a yellow-green shade - with some white Eucharist lilies to pop the colors, in a hand-tied bouquet. Her ten, yes ten, attendants will carry three hand-tied Green Goddess callas. Small bouquet of Eucharist lilies, and a hair clip of orchids for the flower girl. Rather than corsages or tussy-mussies, the MOB and MOG will each carry a single orchid. Vases for all will be on the tables at dinner and reception. "

Emma scrolled down on her laptop. "We have the Green Goddess again for the entrance urns, with horsetail bamboo, the orchids, trails of hanging amaranthus and . . . "

She tipped the top of the computer down. "I need to step out of business mode for a few minutes. First just to say I love you, and I don't know what I'd have done without all of you the past week or so. You must've gotten sick of me moping and whining at first - "

"I did. " Laurel rose her hand, waved it, and made Emma laugh. "Actually, your moping is substandard and your whining needs considerable work. I hope you'll do better in the future. "

"I can only strive. Meanwhile, I'm done. I'm okay. I have to assume, since Jack hasn't dropped by, hasn't tried to call me, or e-mail or send up a smoke signal, you warned him off. "

"Yes," Parker confirmed, "we did. "

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