“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Noctis noticed my turmoil and scampered away. “I got caught up…”
His voice trailed off as he tangled his feet in our blanket and nearly fell off the cot in his haste, ungraceful for once. And how fucked up was it that now I missed his touch?Come back,a small, lonely part of me whispered. I almost said it out loud. The exasperating man wasn’t going to finish what he had started.
“You’re sorry?” I sat up, my tone harsher than necessary, ripe with accusation and old hurt. “How considerate. You never cared about that in the past.”
I could recall a dozen times he had selfishly taken his pleasure with me, indifferent to the emotional upheaval it caused me. My words made Noctis stop on his way to the kitchen, though he did not turn around fully as he leaned against the counter. He must have slipped off his tunic at some point during the night and the early-morning light was unfairly good on him. My gaze was captured by all that pale skin. That the sight made meachefor him only fueled my frustrated ire.
“Is it so hard to believe I’ve learned from my mistakes?” What I could see of his expression echoed my frustration. “I promised I wouldn’t do anything you didn’t ask for. And as I said, I keep my promises. I am well aware my touch is the last thing you want right now after what happened yesterday.”
“What?” His desperation sliced through my anger like a knife. Could it be self-loathing darkening his expression? But why? He had saved me, cared for me at my weakest. His guilt over yesterday’s events seemed so misplaced.
Noctis inhaled sharply, his breath ragged. “The mere thoughtof what could have happened…” His hands clenched into fists, his entire frame tense with fury and sorrow. “You have every right to be disgusted by my presence, to curse my name for putting you in danger.”
“Yesterday was a nightmare. But I don’t blame you,” I replied. “It is not your fault Chaos is drawn to you.”
Noctis shook his head, his expression a mix of regret and determination. “It’s not that simple. For centuries, I was the Adept of Chaos, using its power to further my ambitions. It was my fault that Yggdrasil was destroyed. I am not delusional; I recognize the role I played in letting Chaos rage free again.”
“Wait, that’s not—”
“You don’t have to spare my feelings,” he cut in, a haunted expression on his face, eyes still averted. “I sensed you stiffen just now. You could hardly endure my touch.”
He was different, I realized. More open, more… mortal. I was not the only one changed by the loss of my powers.
I fiddled with the blanket, considering my answer. It was true that I wanted him to take more responsibility for his past deeds, to help me heal the wounds he had caused. But not at the price of the terrible anguish on his face. I would not use the bond between us to manipulate him. Not any longer. If he chose to seek penance for his deeds, it must be by his own free will.
“What made me stop had nothing to do with yesterday,” I said truthfully. “I just realized how easy it would be to fall back into old habits.”
Noctis’s eyes snapped to me at those words, the faintest hint of a smile raising the corner of his lips. “So, I’ve become one of your bad habits?”
“A habit I seem unable to break,regrettably.” I found myself smiling in return. “But then, my persisting weakness for you cannot come as a surprise. It has been a few moons and you’re still here.”
Noctis’s mood visibly lightened at my open acknowledgment of that fact, his smile growing smug. “So, you admit that you still desire me?” he asked, turning back toward me.
My memory might not have done him justice in every regard, the irresponsible, still aroused part of me mused. An unconscious gasp left my lips as I took in the proud length of his cock straining against his breeches, his earlier desire reignited.
“I could come back to bed.” The gleam in Noctis’s eyes warned me the perceptive bastard had caught my ogling. “If you want me to.”
Oh no. It would take more than a few pretty promises for me to let him back into my bed and my life. Time to wipe that self-satisfied smirk off his face.
“And if I just want us to be friends?” I asked, trying to sound unperturbed.
“Friends,” Noctis echoed, one eyebrow arching in disbelief. I couldn’t blame him. The notion that we could ever be something as simple—as innocent—as friends was utterly absurd.
“Or, more precisely, allies.” I kept my tone calm and decisive. “You just said it yourself. You are the Adept of Chaos. And that means you know best how to deal with its threat. We could combine our resources, find out what’s really going on together.”
He had known how to handle the Chaos storm, had saved me from Vultaron’s attack, had taken care of me at my most vulnerable. Together, we were a formidable force, even without our powers. Perhaps this was the way to move forward. Propose an alliance and keep all the inadvisable feelings simmering between us out of the way while we concentrated on the looming threats around us. I resolutely brushed aside the memory of the kiss we had shared amidthe storm—how it had soothed a pain I had carried for so long, a pain whose depth I had only realized when it was gone.
Noctis straightened, meeting my gaze in silent challenge. He prowled to the cot’s edge, smooth muscles tensing with each step, making it hard to keep my eyes on his face.
“You thought about it.”
As his warm fingers caught my chin, I trembled. At his insolence. Not at the unbidden thought of those fingers encircling my wrists, pinning me down on that narrow cot while he covered my body with his.
“And you deemed me worthy of your time, my queen? How gracious.”
His grip tightened; our gazes locked.
“Don’t forget, Baradaz,” he murmured, his voice a low, dangerous growl. “I am not a dog to be kept on a leash.”
