Still, it was not enough. I wanted all she could give me and then more. I spread her legs wide and lifted her lower body completely off the mattress. It was a strain to hold her up like this, my muscles tensing up, but stars, it was worth it. To have her at my mercy completely, my cock thrusting inside her relentlessly, filling her in just the right way.
She had once accused me of treating her body like my temple, a sacred place where I could worship endlessly for a fleeting glimpse of the divine. Perhaps she was right. My eyes devoured the arresting beauty of her face, caught in the throes of rapture. This sin I committed eagerly, with not the slightest desire for absolution.
I was so close to my own climax I could taste it. My thrusts grew unrestrained, losing their rhythm, a sharp tightening in my groin. I threw back my head with a low shout of Rada’s name at the fire blazing through me. Then my hips snapped against her one last time as I spilled inside her.
Could Humans perish from too much pleasure? I wondered as I collapsed on top of her, my heart racing painfully. Without any magic to distract me, the sensations raging through this mortal flesh were more intense than ever before. Her body as hot as a furnace underneath mine; her breath ragged in my ear; our damp skin pressed together.
It took time to gather the strength to roll off her, a discontented sound escaping her at the loss of my warmth. I laughed at the adorable way Rada’s nose crinkled, her eyes still closed.
“I’m crushing you,” I commented as I pulled her on top of me instead.
She sighed, resting her head on my chest. “I don’t mind. It’s a nice feeling.” Her fingers traced the lines inked on my skin, a wistful tone entering her voice. “You once asked me to promise that thingsbetween us would never change.” A soft breeze blew in through the open window, a balm on our heated skin. “Do you think they have?”
After centuries of pain and regret, after so much betrayal and heartbreak, it should seem a strange question. Yet… what was between us burned stronger than ever, an unquenchable flame. Completely impossible and utterly unavoidable. The one truth that remained through suffocating darkness and blinding light.
“Not in the things that matter,” I answered, tilting her face up to see her expression. “Your ability to steal my breath remains unparalleled.”
She smiled, but all too soon, shadows drifted over her features. “There is a war coming.”
“Yes.” I bent closer to kiss her, unwilling to let reality intrude into our little sanctuary. “But not yet.”
Rada yielded, but I felt a renewed tension in her, the slide of her lips against mine edged with a tangible apprehension. “We need to make plans,” she reminded me, sitting up. “As much as I would love to, we cannot hide from the world forever.”
“I know,” I answered, trying to pull her down to me again. “But we can for a while.”
She was not deterred. Those starfire eyes found mine, a sharp demand in them. “On which side will you fight?”
An excellent question. Surely not on the side of the Ten, yet stopping Galator and the Chiasma without help would be nearly impossible. “On yours,” I told her—the one thing that was certain. “Always on yours.”
Her expression softened at once, her hand gently cupping my face. “But can you promise me you’ll stop if I tell you to?” The need in her voice was palpable, a plea for reassurance. “That you won’t let Chaos overwhelm you again?”
“Can you promise me that you won’t betray me again?” I asked in return. “That when the time comes, you won’t choose duty over what is between us?” I turned my head and pressed a kiss to her wrist, softening the sting of my questions. “I suppose we’ll have to trust each other. And keep each other on the right path.”
Her head snapped up at my words, a stricken look in her eyes. “A guiding star,” she murmured.
My fingers slid into her hair, gripping her nape, not allowing her to avoid my gaze. “I’m not a fool, Baradaz,” I said. “I know you’re keeping secrets.” She tried to protest, but I shook my head. “It’s alright. Whatever time you need—whatever proof of my sincerity—I will give it to you.” I pressed my forehead against hers, willing her to understand that I meant every word. “I’m just asking you to give me a chance.”
The wild flame in Rada’s gaze burned impossibly bright as she brought her mouth close to mine. “You always accused me of not daring enough. Of not rebelling when I should have. But isn’t this the greatest defiance of all? That I dared to fall in love with you?”
I could only stare at her, my words stolen from me. The last—and only—time she had told me she loved me, she had cried, her voice full of pain and regret, as if it were a terrible confession. Today her expression was calm and sure. But I knew it did not mean she loved me still, that her feelings had endured after all that I had done.
Part of me was tempted to ask her. Yet I could not. I was not worthy of her love. My feelings for her were not the pure adoration of the light that Elvish poets sang of; they were so much darker. I wanted to possess her, make her mine for all eternity. Perhaps Aramaz had been right so many years ago when he’d said I didn’t know what real love was, that I was incapable of it.
I couldn’t tell her I loved her, because it would bind her to meirrevocably, leaving her no way out. Even if I failed again. Even if she might need to stop me one day.
So I told her as best I could without any words. With my lips, claiming her mouth in another deep kiss. With my touch, caressing her body until the bright light of day turned into the soft glow of dusk. With every fiber of my wretched soul, which was hers, for as long as she wanted it.
I could only hope it would be enough to shelter her from the coming storm—a storm threatening to destroy not just us, but theentire world.
CHAPTER
54
THE SUNDERING WARS
Ten years earlier, the day of the Fallen One’s sentencing
Rada
