But then I remembered. I remembered feeling angry, feeling betrayed. I remembered the Flame roiling through my veins, breaking free, fueled by Chaos, not Light, leaving nothing but ashes in its wake.
“Monster, monster…”I remembered my desperate cries as I writhed in terrible pain, the ceiling of a cave above me. And worst of all, I remembered Noctis’s tormented answer as he left me, misunderstanding my self-loathing, thinking I had meant him.
“If a monster is all you can see in me, a monster I shall be.”
Stars, what had I done? What had I done?
“But he said it was him,” I whispered, a forlorn plea for mercy.
“I think my brother knew quite well that what happened was his fault,” Aramaz answered, a wistful twist to his lip. “Besides, he always had a strangely chivalrous side. He probably wanted to protect you.”
My trembling hands looked deceptively fragile and Human in the gentle golden glow of dusk. “I destroyed Yggdrasil,” I said, the truth piercing through me like a relentless wave, threatening to drown me.
I destroyed everything.
Our love had sundered this world. Noctis had tried to use my feelings for him, to exploit my weakness, and in the end, it had broken us both.
Aramaz’s eyes were cautious as he stepped closer. “My brother was never the only threat to Aron-Lyr’s peace.”
“If the Light fails, the world will burn.”Enlial’s prophecy had been a warning I was too foolish to understand. My gaze found Aramaz, and a terrible conviction rose inside me.
“And I suppose keeping your brother under control wasn’t your only order from the Allfather,” I said tonelessly, sensing the first spark of the Flame awakening, eager to burn, eager to destroy. It raged through me as Aramaz remained silent, his lack of responsespeaking volumes. “Perhaps,” I murmured, “it’s time I relieved you of this dreadful burden.”
His eyes widened in terror as my skin glowed with power, a force so immense no corporeal form could contain it. I knew what he was witnessing: my eyes consumed by flames, light bursting from my back like colossal wings, fanning the air with blistering heat.
“Afraid now?” I asked, my voice sizzling with magic and betrayal. “Isn’t my power what you wanted all along, my king? Isn’t it why you put up with all my weakness, with me being unfaithful for millennia?”
The power of the Flame, bestowed on me as a blessing of the Allfather, had always felt more like a curse. I suspected both Noctis and Aramaz coveted it more than they desired me. It had reduced me to a pawn in their endless game of dominance. I longed to be free of it. I longed to be free of it all.
But perhaps I can be.
The thought pierced through my mind, unbidden yet relentless. Without my powers, no one would demand anything from me anymore. Without my powers, I could harm no one. Without my powers, I could not fail.
I did not question the madness overtaking me, allowing the Flame to rage within, untamed and wild. It burned hotter and hotter, drenching the cliffs and sea in a deep red-gold light, a towering inferno reaching high into the sky. I knew what to do, having seen how Aramaz had burned away Noctis’s magic.
As I felt my control slipping, I turned the Flame inward.
The pain was excruciating, tearing me apart, my shrill screams slicing through the air. If I could have stopped at that moment, I would have.
But it was too late. It was done.
The world returned to me in shades of gray. Gray sky, gray waves,gray rock beneath my cheek. Footsteps crunched on the stone, drawing closer. Warm fingers trailed over my skin, their gentle touch agonizing on my oversensitive flesh.
“What have you done to yourself, Baradaz?” Aramaz asked, his voice filled with endless sorrow.
Destroyed myself,I could have answered.Freed myself.
But my voice did not obey. The world tilted, sea and sky merging into one, and then I fell into darkness.
One should note that this time, not all of my brethren visited me.
Perhaps it was easier for them to pity me when I sacrificed my heart to save them than to pretend to understand why I had renounced everything we stood for.
Light. Order. Duty.
I adapted to being Human more swiftly than I anticipated. Occasionally, I would forget, much like those who had lost limbs in the war, reaching out with my mind for a simple task only to be met with a painful void where my powers once thrummed within me.
When I informed Aramaz of my decision to leave Lyrheim, he did not attempt to dissuade me. I suspected it would be simpler for him to explain my absence than to justify how I had become as mortal as those who worshipped us. It was the last time we spoke, our words cold and stilted, the air thick with unspoken regrets. He stopped me as I reached the door to his study, his hand extending toward my hair only to hover between us, the gesture incomplete. He had still not healed the scars I had inflicted on him, thin pale lines carved into his cheek.
