“Perhaps our hunger can be satisfied,” she murmured when I allowed her to breathe again, her hands in my hair, tilting my head so our eyes met. “You just have to let go.” Her voice sounded both in my mind and in the endless space around us—a plea and a command. “Let me in, Belekoroz.”
It was the first time she had used my true name, and the sound of it resonated through me with unrelenting force. We were completely covered in mud by now, pieces swirling around us in a wild maelstrom, merging and sundering again and again. Her powers brushed against mine, seeking entrance, an aching need pulsing through us to intertwine our minds as intimately as our bodies.
A part of me wanted to yield, to give her what she desired, but unease trickled in. I was afraid to let her in completely. She only thought she understood me. The moment she felt everything, saw every dark secret in my heart, she would surely recoil in horror.
“I can’t.” The admission tumbled from my lips.
Baradaz’s eyes met mine, a feral light flashing through them. “Oh yes, you can.”
Without warning, her fingernails sharpened to claws, burying into my shoulder blades as she shifted her hips once more, adding a pain to the pleasure that was so exquisite, I shuddered in complete surrender. The feeling of my blood gushing over her hands, of her mouth capturing my hoarse scream, of her clenching around me in the beginning of her climax, was so glorious I could not help myself.
I gave in. Letting my mind touch hers completely, all shields down. We lost control over our physical bodies, our very beings dissolving into each other, unfettered magic swirling around us in a vortex of light and darkness. For one overwhelming, blinding moment, it felt as if I were back at the beginning of it all, the fire of the Flame burning through me, the power of creation in my grasp. Only this time, I was not alone. I could sense her, her Light tempering my Darkness in perfect harmony, and I knew…
The knowledge seeped out of my mind like water between my fingers.
The crash back to reality, into having a body again, was harsh. My shoulder blades pounded with stabbing pain, the cold of the Other biting into my skin, Baradaz’s warmth in my arms no longer enough to keep it at bay. She had moved back a little, still on my lap, gently caressing my hair.
“Careful, Baradaz,” I said, my voice all but gone. “If you wander too far into the darkness, you might lose your way.”
Her eyes were very warm as she regarded me calmly. “I am not afraid of the darkness,” she answered.
I am not afraid of your darkness,I heard.
“No, you are not.” Whatever she had seen in my mind, it did not horrify her, impossible as it seemed. “Wild little thing,” I said affectionately, tugging on a stray curl of her fiery hair.
I might have been able to save part of myself if there had beeneven a trace of guilt in her, one tiny sign of regret. Instead, her eyes shone with a wonder that was almost painful to behold. I felt it inside her when she stared at me—an ethereal feeling I couldn’t name, dared not name, which charred me with its light.
Only it was not just inside her; it had taken root inside me as well. Small and radiant, an unfamiliar contentment buzzed within me as I drew her back into my arms, pressing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Did I leave a trace of Darkness in her, too? I thought I knew the answer. It satisfied me more than anything else in my long existence.
She did not offer to heal the wounds she had inflicted on me, although she must have seen me flinch when my tunic touched the bloody gashes on my shoulder blades. Indeed, there was a pleased little smile on her lips as we made our way back to a part of the Other where the Veil was thin enough to easily step back over into Aron-Lyr. I noticed a streak of mud adorning her cheek as we walked beneath the light of the sun again, drawing closer to the green hills and high-arched wooden halls where our fellow Aurea dwelled. I stopped her with a touch on her arm, wiping away the dark stain on her skin.
“This is not the escape you think it is,” I said softly, an acknowledgment of all I had seen within her. The thirst for knowledge and freedom, the yearning to lose control, the hunger for more. The awareness that she could never truly give in to those desires.
My brother’s bride was not what I had thought her to be. Not at all.
For a moment, her gaze fled mine, my observations too close to the secrets in her heart. Then she met my eyes.
“It is also not the victory you think it is.” Her expression hardened. “I am not a prize to win.”
But, of course, she had seen everything as well. My sharp ambition, the contempt for those holding me back, the piercing envy Ifelt toward my brother, the conviction that nothing Aramaz had been granted, I did not deserve more.
After ages of humiliation, how could I not revel in this? Knowing she had been mine, even for a brief moment?
“I am aware of that,” I lied, catching her hand to press a kiss to her skin. “Give me some credit, my queen.”
To my surprise, she let the topic slide, a self-satisfied smile appearing on her lips. I think I know now how to create my guiding lights,” she said, her eyes on me, curious about my reaction.
“How splendid. You can be proud of yourself. Few learn so quickly.” I chuckled drily, hoping to mask my sudden apprehension. “And enjoy it so much.”
Baradaz blushed prettily at my knowing remark, hesitating visibly. I waited, fully expecting her to tell me this would never happen again now that she had what she had wanted all along. Proof of my misdeeds. The knowledge she needed. Really, I should applaud her ruthlessness if she did.
“There are still some things left in the Other I would love to explore.”
Her breathless confession made me stare at her.
“Baradaz…” She couldn’t mean what I thought she meant.
“I want to do it again.”Her mind brushed against mine with the intensity of an unexpected, open-mouthed kiss.“Perhaps next time you can show me how to use my mouth on you.”
