She nods, her mouth narrowing until the smile is absent. “It’s going to be sad when you leave.”
“It’s going to be sad for me too.” I sense I’m seconds away from winding up in a spot I don’t want to be in, unable to make promises of a return. “Alright, well, I think we’re done for the night. You need anything else before I go to bed?”
“Nope.” She smiles again. “I’m good.”
“Good.” I start to back out the same way I came in, pulling the door close to the frame without closing it all the way. “Good night.”
“Good night.” I’m about to step away from the door when I hear it. “I love you.”
If a heart can break and fill to the brim at the same time, mine just did. “I love you too, Sloan.”
KENLEY
It’s strange, pulling back my blanket and crawling under without having gone through my usual routine of dogs and kid and lights and locking up and such. Even when I still lived with Sloan’s dad, those responsibilities always fell to me. I never minded. Still don’t. Part of me likes it even, being the one who takes care of everything. I guess that probably just proves that I’m a raging control freak who doesn’t trust anyone enough to depend on anyone but myself.
Even as I’m acknowledging this about myself, I know in an hour or so, I’ll find a reason to get out of bed, and doublecheck everything Knox is out there doing right now. Mostly, I’ll be going to say goodnight to Sloan one more time, but once I’m up, it’ll be hard not to do a full walkthrough. And it’s not evenentirely for lack of trust. Routines are just part of how I function. And when times are hard and my anxiety is running amok, I lean into those routines more than necessary. They become a source of comfort. An effortless way to keep busy, to know everything is getting done, to feel like things will work out as long as I keep on top of everything.
I can hear myself, of course, my own attempts at rationalizing my insane behaviors. I know they’re not all as healthy or helpful as I make them out to be. But healing takes time, and I’ve had more pressing things to work through.
Or I thought I did.
Now that Knox is here, and my heart is full, and I’m face to face with a happy ever after my fairy tale loving soul has been craving all my life, I can see where putting in more time to heal the parts of me I need whole to give myself to another relationship might have been more of a priority than I expected.
I’ve just been so focused on rebuilding a life that would provide enough for me to take care of Sloan, I didn’t think what I might do if someone came along wanting to take care of me instead.
I mean, did I have moments of wishful thinking? Fantasies of a knight in shining armor swooping in to save us both from the wreckage I let our lives become by entrusting my ex with them? Sure. But then I snubbed my nose at them because who wants to be a damsel in distress? And who wants to be wanted as a damsel in distress? Not me. Besides, look what happened the last time I believed someone when they said they’d take care of us. And I didn’t need it back then. Not that I need it now. But I needed it even less then. I was wholly established, entirely independent. I owned my house, my car, and a rental property. I made good money, enjoyed vacationing with friends and never thought twice about vet bills or oil changes or buying a random outfit. I was in a good place. A great place, really.
And then I lost it all.
And then I lost myself.
And I couldn’t even blame my ex.
Because he didn’t force me to marry him. That was my choice.Hewas my choice.
Was.
I’d never choose him now.
So why can’t I let this go?
The door creaks open, taking me out of my own head and bringing me back to reality.
“Sloan is good,” Knox says, peeling off his shirt as he walks across the small room. “She’s wide-awake
working on her art.” He chuckles softly. “I’ve been turned into a cartoon character with a talking guitar.”
“Oh, yeah?” I prop myself up on my elbow, resting my head in my hand. Maybe we can really do what we agreed to. Roll with the present, be us, be like before just without talk of what happens after. I could do that. I could stop thinking so much and just enjoy the sight of a beautiful man with a beautiful heart taking off his clothes right in front of me.
“You’ll have to check it out tomorrow.” He’s grinning from ear to ear as he says it. “It’s so cool.”
“Can’t wait.” It’s impossible not to smile when he has that look on his face. Especially when he has that look on his face while talking about my kid. “Hey, you wanna play a game with me?”
He straightens out the clothes he haphazardly tossed onto the small bench while getting undressed before nudging me to move over and make room for him. “Always.” He slides one arm under me, lifting me a little to land half of his chest, giving him just enough space to keep from falling off. “What’s the game?”
“It’s calledThe What’s Your Favorite ABCs.” When he makes a funny face I add, “My brother and I made it up when we were kids. Now I play it with Sloan, mostly.”
His confusion turns to curiosity almost instantly. “Alright, how do we play?”
