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I should ask Sarah about the identity of the mysterious hacker she and Mark have been working with. I should find out the details of what she and Mark have been doing. I know I should. Except in that moment, all I can think about is how much I miss her.
“I know part of the reason you went to find Mark was because you didn’t want to be a distraction,” I say, trying to sound more reasonable than desperate. “Not being able to talk to you, to see you, to touch you—that might be a bigger distraction than anything. You’ve been helping so much, but . . .”
“I miss you too,” Sarah replies, and I can tell when she speaks that she’s trying to find her resolve, to be tough like she was when I dropped her off at the bus station in Baltimore. “We made the right decision, though. It’s better this way.”
“It was a stupid decision,” I reply.
“John . . .”
“I don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” I continue. “We should’ve never separated. After everything that happened in New York, everything I had to see—”
My breath catches for a moment as I remember the fires, the destruction, the wounded and the dead. I realize that I’m shaking again, and definitely not from exhaustion. I feel like I might have hit my limit, like there’s only so much brutality my brain can endure. I try to focus on Sarah and on getting my words out, on making sense and not sounding too desperate.
“I need you with me, Sarah,” I manage to finish. “I feel like these are the last battles we’re ever going to fight. After New York, I—I’ve seen how quickly it can all be taken away. I don’t want us to be apart if something happens, if this is the end.”
Sarah gathers a deep breath. When she speaks next, her voice is firm.
“This is not the end, John.”
I realize how I must sound to her. Weak and scared, not at all like the alien hero she portrayed in that video. I’m embarrassed by how I’m acting. Alone for the first time since the attack in New York, without constant skirmishes to distract me, with things finally slowed down enough for me to think—the result is me breaking down while on the phone with my girlfriend. We’ve been in bad situations before, fought some brutal battles and seen friends die. But, until now, I’ve never felt hopeless.
When I’m silent for a few moments, Sarah continues, her voice gentle. “I can’t imagine what it was like to be in New York during . . . that. I can’t imagine what you’re going through—”
“It was my fault it happened,” I tell her quietly, glancing to the tent flap in case someone outside might overhear. “I could’ve killed Setrákus Ra at the UN. I had time to prepare for this invasion. And I failed.”
“Oh, John. You cannot possibly blame yourself for New York,” Sarah replies, her tone understanding but insistent. “You are not responsible for the murderous rampage of an alien psycho, okay? You were trying to stop him.”
“But I didn’t.”
“Yeah, and neither did anyone else. So either all of us are equally to blame, or maybe it’s the evil Mogadorian’s fault and we can leave it at that. Your guilt isn’t going to bring anyone back, John. But you can avenge them. You can stop Setrákus Ra from doing it again.”
I laugh bitterly. “That’s just it. I don’t know how to stop him. It’s too much.”
“We’ll find a way,” Sarah replies, and her certainty almost convinces me. “We’ll do this together. All of us.”
I rub my hands over my face, trying to get myself together. Sarah’s telling me exactly what I need to hear. As usual, I know she’s right, at least on a logical level. But that doesn’t loosen the knot of guilt tying up my guts, or make the future seem any less overwhelming.
“They look at me like a hero,” I say, scoffing. “I walk around this camp and the soldiers, the survivors, everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of superman. They don’t know—”
“I guess my video really worked,” Sarah quips, trying to lighten the mood. “They look at you that way because you are a hero, John.”
I shake my head. “They don’t know that I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know how to fight a battle on this scale. Nine’s missing, Ella’s taken and basically getting tortured, I don’t know what’s taking Six and the others so long to get back from the Sanctuary, but when they do we might have to go back anyway because that’s right where Setrákus Ra is headed. Meanwhile, there are twenty-five warships over twenty-five different cities. I don’t know how to deal with this, Sarah.”
“Well,” Sarah replies, her voice calm and collected, like I haven’t just dropped an insurmountable pile of problems at her feet. “It’s a good thing you’ve got friends. Now let’s take this one thing at a time. Let me tell you about GUARD.”
CHAPTER
TWELVE
SARAH TELLS ME EVERYTHING ABOUT HER TIME with Mark, and I really can’t believe what she says about GUARD. After all these years, it’s incredible. I try to keep my voice down, though, to hide this amazing news from Agent Walker and her friends in the government, at least for the time being. After Sarah’s filled me in, I tell her everything that’s happened to me, and everything that we’re still facing. She doesn’t falter. She tells me that we can do this. She tells me we can win.
She makes me believe.
When I finally come out of Walker’s tent, I’m not shaking anymore. Unburdening myself to Sarah, hearing her voice, remembering what I’m fighting for—all this is enough to get me on my feet, moving, ready to charge back into battle. I still don’t have all the answers, but I’m no longer afraid to confront the questions.
Outside the tent, Sam is still on the phone. He’s pacing back and forth, gesturing emphatically with his free hand.
“Six, that’s crazy,” he insists. Obviously, Six is alive and well. And of course Sam is already trying to talk her out of something. “You haven’t seen the size of this thing. It tore through whole city blocks like they were made out of paper.”
Sam spots me, then widens his eyes like Six is saying something crazy in response.
“Here’s John,” Sam says sharply into the phone. “Maybe he can talk some sense into you.”
Sam holds out the phone to me.
“They’re okay?” I ask Sam, accepting the phone.
“Yeah. They released the spirit of Lorien on Earth, which is probably why I have Legacies, but now they’re stranded in Mexico, and Six is talking about fighting the Anubis when it shows up at the Sanctuary,” Sam says breathlessly. I stare at him, trying to wrap my mind around all that as I lift the phone to my ear.
“John? Sam?” There’s Six’s familiar voice, sounding annoyed. “Someone talk to me.”
“Hey, Six,” I say. “Good to hear your voice.”
“You, too,” she replies, her smile audible. “Want me to catch you up on the details? Or should we get to the part where you try talking me out of fighting Setrákus Ra and his warship?”
I can’t help grinning at her bluster. Between talking to Sarah and now Six, things no longer feel so massively overwhelming. We’re definitely up against it, but at least I’m not up against it alone.
“I want you to catch me up,” I tell Six. “But first, I really need to talk to Adam.”
“Oh,” Six replies, sounding surprised. “Sure. Hang on a second.”
Sam fixes me with a look, like I should’ve immediately told Six and the others to flee the Sanctuary. I’m not sure that’s the right move yet. We know Setrákus Ra is heading there, but he doesn’t know that we know. That gives us a rare advantage. Ella showed me the Sanctuary in her vision. She told me to warn Six and the others. Maybe it’s there that the final battle against Setrákus Ra will be fought. If that’s the case, at least it’ll be fought in the middle of nowhere. Civilians won’t be in danger.
Adam gets on the phone, sounding weary. “How can I help?”
“Your warships—I mean, the Mog warships, they’re protected by force fields. Tell me how to bring them down.”
Adam snorts. “You’re kidding, right?
”
