Don’t let us fall apart when we just started talkingagain.
“Let me go, Bas,” Drew said. His voice was low and tight, and his eyes in the streetlight were shiny with tears. He wasn’t angry, Bas saw. He washurt.
Goddammit. Hurting Drew was the last thing he wanted todo.
Bas dropped his elbow immediately and ran a hand over his hair. “Listen, I’m sorry. I… I was pissed off at Gary, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, okay? I don’t know what my problem is.”Except that conversation about Amy stirred up things I don’t want to think about, and I feel like I’m going to lose you, and I really don’t want to dothat.
“No,” Drew said. “Not okay.” He pushed Bas out of his way and strode to the driver’sdoor.
“Are you going to give me a ride?” Bas asked, almostpleading.
“You know what?” Drew said, clenching his jaw. He opened his mouth, then seemed to rethink, and closed it again. “Fine,” he said. “Getin.”
Bas folded himself into the Acura and barely shut the door before Drew pulled away from thecurb.
“Drew, I’mreally…”
“Ireallydon’t wanna hear it,Sebastian.”
Goddammit. He couldn’t remember the last time Drew had been mad at him. Not like this, anyway. Drew always gave Bas a chance to apologize. That was… that was theirthing.
His gaze caught on Drew’s keyring, and he finally realized what had been bugging him about it earlier. The keys and key fob were there, but his keychain wasmissing.
“Your sand dollar is gone,” he accused, pointing at the keyring.
“What?”
“The blue sand dollar keychain that I gave you back at summer camp. The night I…”Kissed you for the first time. Told you I wasn’t gay. Promised you I wouldn’t run away from you again.Fuck.“The last night of camp. I saw it on your keyring a few months ago, back when you lent your car to Cain andDamon.”
“Oh. It broke, Bas,” Drew said bleakly. “It’sgone.”
“Gone? Couldn’t we fix it?” It was a stupid keyring, a thing he’d forgotten about for nearly twenty years, but it had meant something toDrew.Another of those things Bas had taken for granted, and hadn’t noticed until it wasmissing.
“Not everything can be glued back together, Sebastian,” Drew told him, and Bas panicked just a tinybit.
“Drew, I know you’re mad, but you’ve gotta letme…”
“What, Bas? Say you’re sorry? Why? Because that’s how it’s always been? Bas fucks up, Bas apologizes after a day or a month, and Drew just acceptsit?”
Well. It sounded pretty shitty when he put it thatway.
“How about ‘Bas mouths off, Bas realizes that whatever stupid bullshit he said wasn’t an accurate reflection of his true feelings and appreciation for his best friend, Bas apologizes sincerely because he really never meant to hurt Drew, and Drew accepts because he recognizes that his best friend is an asshole who’s missing a few wires between his brain and hismouth?”
Drew drove the car for several blocks, red brake lights from the traffic around them giving his face a ghastly redglow.
“The thing is,” Drew said, enunciating each word clearly. “That’s not a healthy friendship, Sebastian. I sometimes feel like I have more invested in this friendship than you do. Ithurtwhen you disappeared. Ithurtsthat you didn’t tell me the truth about you and Amy. Ithurtsthat you’re accusing me of throwing myself at Gary North, because that’s not what was happening at all andeven if it was, it would be my business and notyours.”
Bas blinked. “Of course it’s my business. I’m your friend. And you don’t have more invested than I do. Youdon’t, Drew.” He reached out to put a hand on Drew’sarm.
But Drew didn’t seem to hear him. “It’s not your fault,” he went on. “I’ve let things get skewed, and that’s onme. Okay? And I love you. Of course I do. And we’ll always be best friends. Just… give me a little time to process things,okay?”
“I thought me avoiding you was part of the problem!” Bas argued. “How is youprocessinganydifferent?”
“Because I’m sayinglet’s not talkon this car ride, notsee you inFebruary.”
Okay, fair enough. “It’s just that I didn’t intend to avoid you for a month either,” Bas said softly. “Things just get out of hand when you don’t talk about them right away. The things we need to process alone become secrets, and then those secrets make things harderlater.”
Drew was quiet for a moment. “It breaks my heart,” he finally offered. “Knowing you were going to marry Amy and weren’t in love withher.”
