“No, dude, I’m telling you,” I said, raising my voice to talk over him. “Ev’s a good guy, and he’s hot as hell, but he was never gonna be more than a hookup. He’s amessfor God’s sake, and there are a million other guys out there who are drama-free.” If only I could make myself want them. “You’ve gotta nip this gossip in the bud before people start getting the wrong idea. I docasual. I don’t need a guy who’s gonna sob all overme.”
I rolled my eyes… and someone behind me cleared theirthroat.
Dare’s devastated expression told me all I needed to know before I even turned around, and when I did, I wished I hadn’t. Hen Lattimer stood looking at me like I was shit on his shoe, and Ev… Ev was smiling, this huge, heartbreaking, false approximation of humor. His green eyes burned like I’d just told a joke and he was determined to laughalong.
“Si’s not wrong,” Ev told Dare. “God, I wept all over the poor guy in the woods yesterday. Did he tell you? It was, like, the least attractive sightever.”
Dare shook his headmutely.
Ev put his hand on my back just above my shoulder blade, a fleeting touch that was barely there before it was gone, but managed to take some part of me with it. He raised his voice, loud enough to carry. “But I can confirm, the gossip is completely false. There is absolutely nothing between us. Si was just being a decent guy yesterday. No surprise there,right?”
To my horror, someone shouted, “Si’s the best!” And someone else laughed and demanded, “You owe me five bucks, Jack! I told you it was just arumor!”
Ev snickered, a high, hysterical sound, and clapped his hand over his mouth like he wanted to force itback.
“Come along, Everett,” Hen said, jabbing the ground with his crutch. He leaned heavily on Ev’s shoulder for the first time I could recall. “I’m suddenly tired and I need to gohome.”
“Yeah.” Ev nodded. “Thanks for the, um…everything.”
Paralyzed by my own idiocy, I stood and watched him walk out thedoor.
“Well,” Dare said a moment later, once the door had shut behind them and the rest of the bar had gone back to watching the game. “I guess you got your wish. Gossip effectively nipped.” Thedumbasson the end of his sentence was unspoken butevident.
“Yeah,” I agreed. I’d gathered my pride around me like a shield, and had managed to clobber Ev over the head with it. I couldn’t remember feeling so hollow since the day Mattydied.
Go,me.
I’d thought I was still standing on some fucking precipice, that I could save myself by walking away. But feeling Ev’s pain lance through me like it was my own, I realized it was way too late for that. I’d alreadyfallen.
