Daniel
It wascrazy how happy I was when Julian stopped by. We’d been friends for months, I saw him all the damn time, and it seemed like logically it shouldn’t be a special thing anymore. But my heart always kicked up a notch when I heard his car coming down the driveway, like an ingrained Pavlovian response. Something inside me settled when his boots thumped up the porch steps, and it was a little easier to take a deep breath when he was standing in front ofme.
I tried to simply accept that happiness for the gift it was. But my mind was an old-school magician with only one trick: transforming good, simple things into sharp, pointy weapons, by reminding me that anything I bothered to care about was something that could be takenaway.
I likedhim. Julian was a good person. We were friends. As long as we didn’t get too close, as long as I didn’t—God forbid—start toexpectanything from the man, we’d beokay.
I put aside the block of wood I’d been carving into something resembling a rounded blob and led Julian into the house. He settled into the spot on the sofa that I’d started thinking of ashisseat, even when he wasn’t here. It had long ago stopped feeling weird to have someone else in my space. Now it felt lonely when hewasn’t.
“I didn’t know if you’d be by today,” I told him, perching on the arm of the couch near him and petting Honoria’shead.
“I come most Saturdays, don’t I?” His smile was warm. “I hate to feel like I’mimposing.”
I snorted. “Because I have so much todo.”
“Well. You might. Maybe you have raucous parties when I’m nothere.”
“Yes. Me, Honoria, and She-Ra the cat. It gets reallywild.”
“You eat all the food in thepantry?”
“Mmm. Chase after chew toys and then fall asleep, yes. I don’t tellyouhow to party,Julian.”
I loved the way he laughed, shameless andunreserved.
“That’s fair,” he agreed, his eyes dancing. “My idea of a party usually involves falling asleep with a book, so clearly I’m pretty hardcore myself.” He made a face. “Ah, shit. I meant to bring you a book, but I gotdistracted.”
“Distracted? You mean hungover from an evening of badchoices?”
He bit his lip and looked up at me. “Something like that. Um… Where’s She-Ra?”
“Sleeping on my bed,” I said. “Pretending to ignore me. Playing hard toget.”
The little gray kitten I’d adopted a week ago was still getting used to the house and to Honoria, but she was pretty much running the placealready.
“She can’t be playing hard to get if she’s already in your bed.” His lips quirked and it made the simple tease into something else. Something hotter. Somethingdangerous.
I stood, needing to put some physical space between us, and stretched my arms to the ceiling. Julian’s eyes darted to my stomach, where my shirt had ridden up a couple of inches above the waistband of my pants. He stared for a second and licked his lips before quickly glancingaway.
It wasn’t flirtation, I knew that. It was no different than me noticing and admiring the way a female friend looked in an outfit, with no creeper agenda whatsoever. What was weird wasmyreaction to his simpleglance.
Stop it, I told myself firmly.Julian’s a buddy. Apal.
But I felt a tug in my gut that called me aliar.
“How about a sandwich?” I said, already heading for the kitchen before he could answer either way. “You look like you could use asandwich.”
“Actually, I need to tell you something,” he said, following me as far as the archway between the rooms. “You’re not going to likeit.”
I opened the refrigerator and paused, frowning back at him. “Are you okay? Is yourfamily…”
“No, no.” He shook his head, leaning against the doorframe. “Nothing like that. It’s more about me. Being an impulsiveidiot.”
“Oh.” I stuck my head in the fridge again, wishing I could put my whole body inside. Julian was wearing that sweater again, the baggy gray one that highlighted his slender build and made his blue eyes look so fuckingblue. It was hard to look at him. “Tell me,then.”
“I, um. I went to the dinertoday.”
“And they were out of pancakes?” I removed a loaf of bread and some bacon. “Or, no, worse. Out ofcoffee?”
