When we finally get back to campus, my legs are coiled tight from being tucked under my body while I rested my head against the window. I must have dozed off at some point, and for that I’m grateful.
Adam parks in the same lot as we left from, and the memory of his awful words to me before we departed flashes in my mind. Do I seriously think someone can change that fast? That’s not possible, no matter how good someone’s intentions truly are.
Getting out, I wait patiently, tapping my foot while Adam drags out every single bag. Leaving mine for last.
“I’ll walk you to your dorm, Danielle,” I offer, extending my hand to grab one of her bags.
“I’ll help, too, it’s only fair.” I fake a smile toward Adam, but Danielle doesn’t notice the tension between us as she leads us to her dorm. It’s closer to my dormitory than Adam’s.
As soon as we get Danielle’s stuff in her room, I’m off to my own personal hell with my roommate. The delusion that I could be truly happy is fading away the more that reality sets in.
“Thank you both so much,” Danielle says when we finally get all of her bags lugged up the stairs. She hugs Adam, and then me.
“You’re welcome, Danielle. You coming over tomorrow after class? Brit and Zoey are coming to study.” Danielle looks at me, quirking her eyebrows, and I quickly shake my head no.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll come.”
“Don’t sound so enthusiastic.” Adam rolls his eyes and starts to leave. “I’ll walk you to your dorm, Collins. Can’t be too careful.”
He cannot be serious right now. But the way he’s staring at me and holding the door open, he is. I can’t look at Danielle as I’m leaving, worried that she’ll see the guilt on my face.
The walk back to my dorm is worse than the one to Danielle’s, because the entire time, I’m seething and calling Adam every derogatory name in my head. And that justproveshow much he’s gotten under my skin because I never think badly about people, or cuss. That’s not who I am. I’m the nice guy who always makes sure everyone is taken care of, because if I’m at least a little bit useful, people will want to keep me around.
People don’t want to keep around negative energy. Somehow, Adam is the only person who can bring it out of me.
“This is far enough,” I state when we stop in front of my dormitory. Turning on my heels, I level Adam with a look that would turn him to ash on the spot if I were a superhero. Or a villain. I think I prefer villain in this instance. Squaring my shoulders, I build the confidence to set our boundaries again, since it seems like he conveniently has forgotten.
“Can I come up to your room?” he asks me gently, reaching out with his hand and intertwining his fingers with mine. I try to snatch them away from his grasp, but he holds on tighter. “Please, Collins.”
“No! Last night was a fluke. You have agirlfriend,Adam. I shouldn’t have to keep reminding you of that.”
“I don’t need you reminding me, I just need you to give me a chance.” I shake my head, pulling my hand back to my body, and his hand follows, loosening his grip on my hand and resting it on my hip. “We can do this at whatever pace you need, I promise.” His voice is soft and sensual.
“No, Adam.”
“Hunter…” He trails off, and it’s the first time I’ve heard my name on his lips since move-in day. It sends a shock through mysystem. That’s the only reason I lean into his touch, letting his thumb trail underneath the hem of my T-shirt.
“Not in my room, I have a roommate. He’s kinda…”
“An asshole?” I nod.
“Come to my room? Just for tonight?”
I don’t speak, and I’m not sure if I’m in charge of my body and my mind at this point. But as I wrap my hand back in his and let him lead me to his room, I feel myself sink into him one more time. Just for tonight.
24
ADAM
Ididn’t think he would agree, but as we walk back to my dorm room, it hits me that this is really happening. Hunter is giving me a chance, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it.
His hold on my hand is tight, borderline uncomfortable. Maybe he’s uncomfortable, walking around campus openly holding the hand of another man. Is he not out yet? I shouldn’t be holding his hand, it puts everything I’ve worked for at risk. I have to do it for him, though, I have to have some claim on Hunter as we walk together. My hand naturally gravitates to him. Two magnets pulled toward each other.
“Are you gay?” I blurt out, then flinch because it sounds crass, even for me.
Hunter cuts his eyes over to me, the corners crinkling. “I must be a little bit, don’t you think?”
“I’m sorry. I just meant, are you like, out? Is it okay that I’m holding your hand?” My palm starts to sweat against his, and I know he can feel it. I don’t want him to let go.
