Our conversation is light while we eat, too focused on the delicious food in front of us to truly get into any deeper subjects. But for a first date, it’s amazing. Now the bar will be high for all my other dates. Thomas makes me feel so calm, not pressured to do or say anything while we enjoy the night.
We finish our date with dessert, a fancy piece of chocolate cake.
“Wait!” Thomas says while I reach for the fork waiting on the edge of the plate. He produces two candles and a lighter from his pocket. He places a one and a nine into the thick chocolate icing, adjusting them so they won’t slide off, and lights them. “Make a wish, Hunter,” he says, and I close my eyes, taking in a deep breath and thinking hard about what I want more than anything in life, and I blow the candles out.
Thomas makes an over-exaggerated show of feeding me the first bite. When he misses my mouth and smudges the chocolate against my cheek, I attempt to bat his hand away, but instead, he smears it more across my cheek. His laugh is loud, and mine matches while I try to wipe the icing away.
“Here, let me get it.” He reaches across, swipes my cheek with his thumb, and then sucks the chocolate-covered digit intohis mouth. “Tastes sweet.” He winks at me, and my face flushes red. The cake is delicious, rich and decadent in the best way. It’s not my mom’s chocolate chip cookies, but it’s a close second.
My stomach is so full, I’m worried I’m going to get sick when we stand up after Thomas pays the check. He rests his hand on my back, guiding me through the tables and toward the exit. The warm air hits my skin, a welcome feeling. The night air is starting to cool off, fall is right around the corner.
“Do you want to go for a walk? Or are you ready to head back?” Thomas asks me, moving his hand from my back, and a desperate part of me misses the touch. I’m needy for any physical touch. But what does it say about me that I want Thomas to touch me, and I’m going to Adam’s room later?
My phone vibrates in my pocket; the pattern I set for Adam, and my hopeless attempt to enjoy my date with Thomas goes right out the window. My pulse speeds up as I wonder what he sent me. Have they already left and he’s ready for me to come over? Is he canceling on me? Did he back out on telling Danielle, and he’s telling me to forget about everything that happened?
That last one makes my lip downturn, the false rejection already blooming in my stomach.
I won’t look at it. I won’t.
“Sure, that sounds nice.” I offer Thomas a smile and my hand. He wraps his palm around mine, and the smooth, warm skin feels wrong. My body wants to reject his touch and go find the one guy who’s been setting my body on fire.
But I don’t, because he has a girlfriend. And we would have to be a secret. Could I stand being hidden in the shadows until he’s ready? I’ve never hidden myself, even when it got me bullied relentlessly in school. I’ve always been true and honest, at least with myself.
I told Adam that I would be fine taking the crumbs he could offer me. But as Thomas and I walk down the crowdedsidewalk, hand in hand, and Thomas tells me about what it was like growing up here, I realize that my lies are growing too big, because I don’t know what’s the truth and what I’ve deluded myself into thinking.
I don’t look at my phone for the rest of the night, and when Thomas drops me off in the same parking lot where he picked me up, I take a chance. I lift up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek, the slight stubble biting into my lips.
My feelings have been a rollercoaster because of this weekend, but starting now, I need to focus on myself. No more Adam, no more risking my friendship with Danielle, and no more pining over a man who can’t be seen in public with me.
Nothing good could come out of me and Adam being together, and I deserve a little bit of goodness in my life.
Thomas brushes his hand across my cheek, and I lean into his touch. His grey eyes stare into mine, and he smiles softly at me. His smile is pretty; it makes a dimple poke out in his cheek, and his eyes scrunch up just a bit in the corners.
“I had a great time tonight.”
“I did too.”
“Would you want to go out again?” His tone is hopeful, and I take a deep breath.
“I would love that.”
Walking back to my room, I check my phone. There’s a message from Danielle, asking about studying together this week. I respond quickly, confirming plans to meet at the library tomorrow after she gets out of her Organic Chemistry lab. There’s one from my mom, checking in on me, and there are six from Adam.
Adam:Hey, everyone is leaving in thirty minutes. I can’t wait to see you. I picked up ice cream from the store, Danielle mentioned you like mint chocolate chip. Don’t you think that tastes like toothpaste?
Adam:Waiting on Danielle to leave, and then the coast is clear. I’ll leave the door unlocked for you. Do you want anything besides ice cream? I can order something for delivery.
Adam:Is it selfish that I hope your date is going horrible? I wish it was over so you could be here with me.
Adam:Come over as soon as you can! I found a new show I thought you might like, figured we could watch it together. If you want.
Adam:Everything okay?
Adam:?
The last one is from three minutes ago. It is selfish that he hopes my date went horribly, because what I do shouldn’t be any concern of his. If I want to go out on a date, I will. I don’t need to run my plans by him and make sure he approves of what I’m doing.
I exit out of the chat and swipe my fingers to the left across my glass screen. The red tab pops up, the white trash can like a beacon. I hit it. Another pop-up, giving me the option to delete or delete and report to junk.
