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“How about you?” He elbowed me, and even that made me all weak in the knees. “Do you want to open your pie shop next to my bar?”
I smiled and blushed. That was the thing about Jax. I didn’t even need to tell him about my dream of owning and operating my own pie shop, because I didn’t have to. He talked about it like he knew that was what I should do, that clearly I was good enough and it would be a huge success.
“You should put a picture of yourself on the box,” he teased. Only he didn’t sound like he was entirely joking.
“That’s a terrible idea.” I had to laugh, running a self-conscious hand along my ponytail. Strands had come loose. I was barely wearing any make up. A photo of me on the pie box would probably frighten people away.
“It’s a great idea,” he insisted. “But that’s not your style, is it? We could get someone to draw up a graphic of you instead. In that apron I saw in the photo you sent, with the lace around the edge.”
I knew I was blushing again. He was so full of compliments, and so freaking attentive. How did he remember a detail of my apron from a text I’d sent him over a month ago? It was almost as if he’d looked at it more than once.
I noticed a bit of something on his sleeve. Without thinking, I reached over and dusted it off, my hand brushing slowly over his bicep. I could feel him flex as I touched him, and I drew my hand back as if I’d been bitten.
Heart racing, senses on overload, guilt and arousal all mixing into a heady cocktail, I stammered, “You had something on you.”
“Yeah?” His voice sounded husky and low.
I just nodded, afraid mine would come out sounding the same. He’d felt even better than I’d imagined, all hot and hard. I swallowed and bit my lip. I devoted a lot of energy to not touching him, not letting my emotions show, but one second with my guard down and I’d basically copped a feel.
Those pecs. He didn’t show off wearing muscle Ts, but I could tell he was cut. His shoulders were huge. I knew I shouldn’t compare the two, but Mike was like a gorilla, all big and thick but no definition. He was starting to get a belly. I didn’t care about the belly, not really. I figured if you were in a relationship for the long haul you couldn’t get attached to eight-pack abs. They wouldn’t stay around forever. But somehow Mike’s gut seemed symbolic. It reminded me of how drunk he got every night, not caring for himself, never mind caring for me.
But Jax? The man clearly took good care of himself. I bet he worked out a lot, ate right. He couldn’t get drunk every night and still be the successful owner of a bar, could he? Maybe I was romanticizing him. I was too mixed up to know anymore. My pheromones were wreaking havoc with my capacity for rational thought, yanking my brain around like a hyperactive kid dragging his parents from ride to ride at an amusement park.
Ace joined us again, walking slowly. Sometimes he used a cane, but I’d noticed he preferred not to. Today he didn’t have one, and I watched as Jax kept watch over him, offering a subtle hand to Ace’s elbow when he looked unsteady. Jax never did so much as to embarrass Ace, just enough to keep him going strong.
I held back a sigh. He was so good with his grandpa. I bet he’d be an amazing father. Did he want a family some day? I knew he didn’t have kids. He probably had women in his life, but if he had kids that would have come up.
The question was on the tip of my tongue, “Do you want kids?” But I managed to stop myself from asking it. I was pretty sure the longing in my voice would communicate my silent hope, “With me?”
After another minute or so, I tore myself away to get back to all of my other work obligations. But I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so high from our time together it was as if I were drifting on a cloud.
When I waltzed into the staff room and saw Maria, I nearly sang my hello, filled to the brim with happiness. Then I checked my phone.
Mike: Meet me at the club after work.
Oh shit. I remembered what I saw the last time I’d met him at the club after work. I needed to come up with an excuse so I didn’t have to set foot in there again.
“Who died?” Maria asked.
“What?” I looked up, confused.
“You look like you just got bad news. You walked in all happy and now you look like you’re going to cry.”
“No.” I wiped my eye, definitely not about to cry
. That would be ridiculous. “Mike wants me to meet him after work.”
“So, let me get this straight.” Maria crossed her arms against her chest, looking me in the eye. It was just her and me in the staff room, and I could tell she was about to say something blunt. “You hear from your husband and you look like you’ve just gotten a message from the grim reaper. But when you’re out walking around the courtyard with that smoking hot guy I’ve seen you with a few times, you glow like a 1000-watt bulb.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Unable to meet her eye, I tucked my phone back into my purse. Damn, was I that obvious?
“Yeah, you’re that obvious,” she answered my unspoken question. I closed my eyes, now decidedly very close to crying. Maria was nice, though. She rubbed my back a couple times and said kind-of quiet, “You know, not all marriages are meant to last.”
I couldn’t speak, too overwhelmed with emotion to say a word.
“What were you, 20 when you got married?”
“21,” I whispered.
“A baby.” Maria rubbed my back, the way you would do to a child. I felt as helpless as one. “One choice you make when you’re so young shouldn’t have to ruin your whole life.”
§
Maria’s words stayed with me over the next few weeks. From an objective sense, I could see her point. To her, I was just a kid with all kinds of opportunities and choices, my whole life ahead of me.
To me? I felt trapped. The money wasn’t exactly piling in, but if I left Mike I needed enough cash to stay off the radar for a while. He’d go looking for me. I knew he would. I’d never lived outside of California, but I’d visited my mother when she’d liven in Phoenix for a couple years. I figured if I saved up enough I could go there and live quiet, off the grid, using cash for a few months until he stopped hunting me down.
Because he would hunt me down. Not even because he wanted me around. Because he thought he owned me.
