He was entirely culpable in this situation.
He had sort of accepted that.
But lashing out at Jarryn was the easiest, fastest way for Leander to displace his own shortcomings, which were now laid out for both to see with no small amount of shame. “You shouldn’t have bought me. You shouldn’t have kissed me. You shouldn’t have been so fucking perfect and irresistible to everyone.”
Jarryn stared impassively at his slave, clearly waiting for more of an explanation from Leander, who was floundering, failing to stay afloat as the waves of emotion threatened to overcome him.
“I should never have done it. And you didn’t deserve what I did, I see that now, but…” he trailed off.
Jarryn knew the truth of his lie, but no one knew the reason behind it, and he had no doubt that Machus would have him flayed to within an inch of his life if he ever discovered that Leander had vocalised his machinations.
“I’m never going to get a straight answer out of you, am I?”
Leander hesitated, then shook his head mutely.
Jarryn sighed and turned bodily away, returning to work on his desk. “I don’t wish to have you in my sight. Leave.”
The demigod stared, he had been expecting that. “Where am I supposed to go?”
“Anywhere that isn’t here would be an excellent start. In the grand scheme of things, the possibilities for you are endless. Try not to get lost in the overwhelming abyss of choices.”
Leander made no effort to move, instead trying one final time and opening his mouth to speak.
“The order was a simple one, Leander. Obey it, or I will have you forcibly confined to one of the king’s cells again.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I suggest you do not test me if you do not wish to discover exactly how far my displeasure extends, Leander.” He turned and stalked away. Jarryn stalked everywhere nowadays; it was always obvious where he was when he moved about his apartments within Caisa’s royal household, and Leo kept out of the prince’s way.
But this could not go on, not when both were suffering so acutely.
He made enemies wherever he went, as far as Leander could tell. It was just his way,existingwas enough to set people on edge, seeking—and finding—the worst in him.
Every word Jarryn spoke since they had returned to Saeren (which wasn’t a lot) was the truth—Leander had been painfully aware of this since having his divine domain bestowed upon him even more.
Lies were obvious, lies were second nature. The truth, while normally comforting in many ways, now broke him and no one was there to pick up the pieces. Leander was grappling with growing despair to rebuild what had been shattered, his every effort at reconciliation rebuffed.
After a moment, he headed over to the basin in the corner of his room and splashed water on his face. Leander then debated his next course of action.
The sensation of utter oppression hung constantly in the air like a dream where he was striving to run but his muscles wouldn’t listen to his brain. He had no idea what to do, no inkling of a solution to his problems. Leanderhad never cared for anything—or anyone—in the same way he did Jarryn.
To have and to lose it… it was just too much for his soul to suffer through. Leander, feeling the weight of yet another rejection, retreated in search of solitude.
But Leander was still Jarryn’s property, according to the laws of Saeren. Leander was positive that was the only reason the prince still tolerated his near constant proximity.
Navigating the corridors of Jarryn’s apartments within King Caisa’s palace, Leander could do little more than play the conversation over and over in his head. Words were easily forgotten, but Jarryn’s expression, hiseyes, were images burned into his mind forever.
Leander took Jarryn’s earlier command to ‘leave’ as permission for him to remove himself from the property entirely. He needed to escape the suffocating space, where he was drowning in memories, the good ones irrevocably damaged by the bad.
Trudging a path through the palace, Leander avoided contact with anyone he passed. There was only one person Leander wanted the company of right now: his eldest brother. He left the palace and chose the shortest route to the Talius residence. A slave let him in and he waited in one of the receiving rooms for Verin to appear.
“Leander, are you supposed to be here?”
The demigod shrugged.
“Is he still not speaking to you?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”
