“It doesn’t matter. She loves another.”
The heat of MJ’s quiet stare burned into the side of my face. I knew she wanted me to talk about him. She always did.
“I wonder if she still would if she knew the truth,” she commented instead.
“I thought you said the bond doesn’t force feelings.”
“It doesn’t. The cordistella bond is still a choice. But the call to home is difficult to resist in proximity.”
Didn’t I know.
She stood and manifested her auburn wings, stretching them wide. “Ronen, don’t let your past control your future. Feel, be scared, love, connect,heal. No one can control you anymore—no one but yourself.”
MJ was right, as usual, and yet I still suffered from battling my scars. Allowing another being inside my head, even if it was just emotions, made my skin crawl. But I wanted to heal, and maybe the first step was lowering the block on the bond.
“Tomorrow—” MJ paused, pulling me away from my teetering decision. “Don’t interfere. It’ll be hard, but Lucille needs this—or the rest of the warriors will come after her. She can handle Moira.”
Shadows circled my palms, squeezing and releasing repetitively. Tomorrow’s challenge would be the longest day of my life. “I know. I’ll stay on the sidelines. Just make sure she doesn’t use her powers.”
MJ nodded, standing at the edge of the cliff. “Oh, and if I ever see you with someone like Moira again, I will personally flay your balls.” Then she shot into the sky, a streak of red slicing through the dimming daylight.
Staring into the starry lake, I brushed a finger through the layer of shadows I kept between me and the bond.
Allowing the hellion in would be like spitting in Etan’s face. It would be a step toward healing. If Gabriel were here, he would’ve given me shit for not already doing it. And then I’d give him shit back, since part of this was his fault.
“Selfless bastard.” I scoffed. If that was what I should call it. I glanced at the large trees glowing softly, brightening with each passing second. “You better be in Heaven.”
Then I closed my eyes and lowered the wall.
The hellion’s emotions flowed, filling my head and softening the tension in my muscles.
One step.
The next would be to tell her—then release the block on my emotions.
Chapter
Forty-Four
LUCILLE
Today was the day that I either kicked ass or got my ass kicked. Knowing Moira, more than likelydead. I’d need to use all the skills I’d acquired and then some, since I couldn’t use my powers—or at least not the ones anyone could see.
If I managed to defeat Moira with my hands essentially tied behind my back, then I could finally stop doubting my worth in this military. It would mean not only that I was a warrior, but that I had the ability to save the people I loved.
I stepped out of my room, clothed in the colors of Hell, and gave Oliver a small smile.
He gave me one back.
I’d explained what had happened with Aspen after he found out, which—unsurprisingly—didn’t shock him. But once I told him I still wanted to rescue Aspen, I received the scolding of my life. Weargued late into the night and eventually came to a truce after I started to beg and cry. I think my desperation scared him. It scared me too.
Oliver knocked my shoulder with his fist. “Today’s the day.”
“Let’s hope we survive.”
He pulled me into his arms and gave me a noogie. “Luce, we’re going to wipe the floor with them. I’m not worried.”
That made one of us.
