Selena chuckled under her breath, eyes on the fading sun. “In only a matter of hours, you’ll be able to see for yourself.”
I slumped against the backrest of my seat, crossing my arms over my stomach, my knee jiggling in a dance I had no control over.
“Maren,” Selena finally said, resting her fingers gently on my knee and gazing into my eyes. “You won’t be alone. I’ll be with you. I won’t leave.”
I nodded stiffly, unable to decide if her touch put me at ease or added to my anxiousness.
“Do you want to play a game?” she offered.
I shook my head. I barely had room to think and talk. “Will I regret it?”
“Transitioning?”
“Yes.”
Selena smiled. “Never.”
28
The ride to the Venusian beach lasted forever.
The closer we got, the longer it took. My fingers wove an invisible grass basket over my lap as I watched the passing landscape through the window. Towering rock obstructed our view for much of the drive, but every once in a while, rock gave way to reveal a cliffside overlooking the sea, growing closer as we rode on, until the coach hit sand and the driver stopped the horses.
Selena was the first out; I soberly followed. I’d already shucked off my boots and stockings, setting them just inside the carriage door, my bare toes pressing into sand that felt all wrong. Sharp and grainy, not at all like the fine sift of a Leihani beach. As Pike unloaded a basket from the trunk of the carriage, eyes dormant and movements sharp, I watched his empty gaze, feeling like I’d left my stomach in the palace.
“Tell him to take care of the horses and wait inside,” Selena said, her cool fingertips grazing my arm.
I turned to the man, relaying the command, then watched his silhouette flicker from the light of a candle as Selena took myhand, leading me down the sandbank to a shore free of stray rocks, unloading the basket. Two large blankets, a canteen of water, and, to my surprise, green grapes, soft bread, and white cheese.
Selena noticed the look on my face and smiled. “Fish would have spoiled, and you’ll need some food in your belly. We’ll eat after.”
We watched the stars bloom over the velvet sky, having little to say. I wondered what the night would entail. Moments of impatience snuck upon me but crept away just as quietly. Selena’s face was caught in her own reverie, her eyes distant over the steady waves; as though my impending transition had unearthed a souvenir from her own memory.
I’d avoided asking Selena the details of her own transition, though instinct told me that, like me, Selena was a human-born Naiad. She’d also gone through transition once.
But when conversation approached the edges of Selena’s past, she often changed the subject, spinning our talk in a new direction so artfully I only realized she’d done so hours later.
Slowly,Mihaunaraised her shining face through the cloudless sky, round and full and bright. Selena stood and untied her bodice, laying it tidily on the blanket next to her, followed by her dress, and finally pulling her linen smock over her head. I stared, incredulous. Her body was long and lithe, graceful in a way I was sure my own body would never be.
Laying on the blanket, Selena closed her eyes without an ounce of shame or hesitation, the moon shining on her silver skin so brilliantly she could have been a mirror reflecting light. “You’ll absorb more lunar energy if you undress. We need to wait until the moon is high anyway, so we can see it from underwater. You’ll be moon-bathing every month from now on.”
Having spent my life in relative nudity—according to Calderian standard—showing skin wasn’t foreign. But I’d neverbeennakedin front of anyone—unless I counted Nori and Olinne.
Selena didn’t press me. She simply laid on the blanket, her arms spread like a canvas for the moon to paint its light on.
Following a few minutes of quiet confidence-gathering, I stood, lifting myself out of my constrictive bodice. I shed the dress and underthings, piling the folded clothes as Selena had, though my stack lacked the clean, square corners Selena had managed to achieve. Planting myself back on the blanket, I spread my own arms, closed my eyes, and ignored the seeds of doubt and worry that had burrowed inside me like gnarled roots between rocks.
I don’t remember falling asleep. But Selena woke me, a cool hand on my shoulder. “Time to go,” she murmured, blue eyes crystallic in the moonlight.
We left the sand and blankets behind, bare toes tracking through the shallow waves. The water was cooler than in Leihani, though it only surprised me for a moment before I pushed on. The Venus Sea sent the tide across my calves, my thighs, my waist. A few more steps and my feet lost the bottom. I treaded instinctively forward, watching the dark shadow of Selena’s hair over her bright shoulders. A great void lay beneath our feet, watching us with hungry eyes, waiting to swallow us whole.
“We’re going to dive deep. It’ll help if I change. I'm a stronger swimmer in Naiad form, but I don’t want to do anything you aren’t ready for.” Selena raised her brows, waiting for me to affirm her unasked question.
“Okay,” I answered, feet beating rhythmically below. Selena squeezed my shoulder gently, eyes full of some emotion that vaguely looked like affection. Before I could study it, she leaned backwards, her spine arching into the water, legs and feet following. The waves ate her in a quiet gulp with barely a ripple,and then the tide washed over her as though she were never there.
I tilted right and left, looking in, but couldn’t see anything past my own feet, gently treading away. Turning in a circle, I glanced back at the empty beach, our blankets two squares of fabric surrounded by shadowy cliffs. Pike’s shape shifted in the carriage window. The moon shone, patiently waiting. Watching. Behind me, I heard the soft eruption of something breaking through the surface, and I spun around.
Selena met my eyes, then glanced up at the moon, sharing private conversation with the bright celestial sphere high over our heads, her hair wavering behind her, collecting samples of bubbles and foam.
