“I’ve been doing some thinking too.” She was looking at him now. “I’ve been unfair. I should have called you when I didn’t hear from you about our date, er, dates.”
“You mean two years ago, right?” He thought they’d already cleared that up. “You don’t need to apologize. It was my fault I was so disorganized—”
She held up her small hand. “There was a reason I didn’t follow up with you. I was scared.”
That was a surprise. “Of me?”
“No.” A tiny smile formed on her lips. “I could never be afraid of you. You’re the nicest man I’ve ever met. I was afraid of my feelings for you. I still am.”
He appreciated the compliment, and even more the fact that she wasn’t afraid of him. But he was confused. “You have feelings for me?”
“Yes.”
His heart leapt, and more than anything he wanted to pull her into his arms. He held back instead, sensing she had more to say.
“I’ve never felt this way before,” she continued. “And I didn’t want to get hurt.”
“You ended up hurt anyway.” He flinched. “By me.”
“But that was partly my fault. I like life to be orderly. I need to know what’s coming around the next turn. Deep down I somehow realized that I wouldn’t have that predictability with you. You’re a doctor. Your patients need you. You also have other interests taking up your time. I didn’t see a place for me in all of that.”
He sat back on the sofa, absorbing her words. “And I couldn’t promise to put you first.”
She angled her body toward him. “I shouldn’t have asked you that.”
“I’m glad you did, though. It was the jolt I needed to reevaluate things. When I was made to take a sabbatical, I kept thinking that once it was over and I was rested, I would go back to the way things were, with maybe a few small changes. But I can’t go back to that life. It’s not good for my patients—or anyone else. It’s not good forme.”
***
Olivia nodded, tempering her nervousness and trying to avoid wringing her hands again. She clasped her knees together. While she didn’t regret telling Kingston about her feelings for him, a tiny swirl of dread circled her stomach. She’d thought he’d be happy about her revelation. Instead,he was sitting apart from her, and as he talked, he seemed distant. No, that wasn’t it. More like clinical.
“I have a lot of changes to make,” he continued. “I need to gain some balance in my life. I can’t do that here.” He gave her a half-hearted grin. “I need a plan. My own plan.”
She nodded. If anyone understood the value of a plan, she did.
He stared straight ahead at the multicolored watercolor print hanging on the wall. “Our timing is terrible, isn’t it?”
Olivia let out a cheerless chuckle. “It certainly is.”
Then he turned to her and moved a little closer. “For the record, I care about you, Olivia. Enough to walk away, even though I don’t want to. But you deserve to be with someone who has his act together. I don’t. I like to pretend I do, and I’ve put on a good show all these years. But the real me is still a mess.” He took her hand, looked at it, and lifted his gaze to hers. “I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry if I’m doing it again.”
She was hurting, but she didn’t blame him. Everything he said made sense. If he couldn’t be the man she needed, it didn’t matter how she felt. In fact, he was proving how much he cared, and that was more important than anything else.
“It’s okay,” she said, placing her other hand on his. “I want what’s best for you too. I hope you find that someday.”
He unclasped her hand. “I’ve got an early flight in the morning.”
That was her cue to leave. There wasn’t anything else to say. They both stood, and he walked her to the door. She turned to him. “Have a good trip, Kingston. Promise me something, okay?”
“Name it.”
“Enjoy yourself.”
A grin spread on his face. “I will.”
She moved to leave, but she couldn’t go until she did one last spontaneous thing. She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him, then rushed back to her car and drove off.
Only then did she let her tears fall.
