He took a step forward. “Olivia...”
She backed away. “Don’t. I’m confused enough as it is.”
“About the plan? Or how you feel about me? Because I’m tired of pretending too. I thought I could handle my feelings for you. That we could be friends and it wouldn’t be a problem to keep up the ruse, and that we were being underhanded for a good reason. But if things were different, if you felt the same way about me that I feel about you...” He half smiled. “I’d be kissing the daylights out of you right now.”
Her heart thumped in her chest. She hadn’t expectedthat.
This time when he moved closer to her, she didn’t step away. When he took her hand in his, she didn’t resist. “I’mcrazy about you, Olivia. I want to teach you to swim and watch old movies with you. I want to talk about books and dance with you. I want to learn everything about you and be a part of your life.” He lowered his head until he was close enough to kiss her. “We can make this real, right here, right now.”
Her pulse was galloping now, and she couldn’t tear her gaze from his. She wanted to dance and talk and be with him too. She could throw caution to the wind and be in an honest relationship with him. All she had to do was tell him yes. Like she had after they watchedThe Quiet Man. Like she had at Anita’s wedding.
Just say yes.
And then she realized what was really holding her back. It wasn’t her rut or her aversion to impulsivity. She needed something from him, something he couldn’t give her. “And then what?”
Confusion and hurt flashed across his face. “What do you mean?”
“What happens when you go back to work? When your calendar is filled again and you don’t have time to breathe, much less have time for me. Forus.”
He paused. “I promise I won’t let that happen.”
Her throat constricted. “Can you promise I won’t come in second in your life? Or third? Orlast?”
He raked his hand through his hair. “I want to promise that you won’t. You have to believe me.”
“I do.” His inability to make that promise showed his sincerity. It also broke her heart.
Silence hung between them. Then Kingston slowlynodded. “We can stage the breakup tomorrow,” he said tightly, putting distance between them. “End the charade quickly.”
“We can do it now.” She fought back tears. “No need to make a scene.” Her emotions were shredded. The thought of faking a breakup in front of everyone was untenable.
“Word will get out anyway. It always does.” He drew in a breath. “After I fulfill my obligation to read to the kids on Tuesday, I won’t bother you anymore. We’ll go our separate ways... again.”
She nodded. She couldn’t speak. She was getting what she wanted. To be left alone, to go back to her scheduled, uncomplicated life. She didn’t need Kingston toying with her emotions anymore. And as he walked out the door, she told herself one more lie.
I don’t need him.
***
Erma rubbed the dice in her hands, then let them fly on the Parcheesi board. “C’mon, lucky three!” The dice stopped, showing double sixes. Phooey. She’d been trying to make her winning move for the last fifteen minutes so she could sweep the best of three games.
Jasper chuckled and picked up the dice. “Looks like your luck is runnin’ out.” He tossed the dice. A six and a two. He moved his last piece home and sat back in his chair, arms crossed, a wide grin on his face. “I win.”
She couldn’t help but smile back. “Don’t get too cocky, you old coot.” She glanced up at the clock. Seven o’clockalready? Had she really stayed here all afternoon and through supper? She’d had no idea it was so late.
“How about another round?” He was putting the pieces back at the starting point. Red for him, yellow for her.
“Sorry, but I have to get back home.” She had a load of laundry she’d been ignoring for the past couple of days. She needed to wash it tonight. She was running out of clean unmentionables. She stood and picked up the empty lemonade glasses and took them to the sink. They’d polished off Tanner’s lemonade in the middle of game three.
Jasper didn’t have a dishwasher, so she quickly washed the dishes as he packed up the game. After drying them, she put them away in the cabinet where he’d taken them out. She folded the damp towel in half and draped it over the side of his single basin sink. When she turned around, he was standing there.
“Sure you got to get goin’?” he asked.
She was surprised at the hope in his eyes. “Unfortunately, yes.”
He nodded. Took one step forward. Looked at his shoes again. Then back at her.
He wasn’t looking at her with hope in his eyes this time. Something else was there, something she hadn’t seen from a man since Gus passed. Butterflies danced a jig in her stomach.
