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Even the tenderness down there this morning was nice. It reminded me of Nate and what we had shared. I didn’t really have anyone I could tell about this. But I didn’t want to. I wanted it to be our private moment. Telling a friend all about it would take away from how special it had been.
Maybe I did look different. I sure felt different. More complete. As if my body knew it had just changed dramatically. That it would never be the same.
“Got coffee made. You want eggs?” Eli called through the door.
No. Yes. I was hungry but facing Eli wasn’t something I was ready for. He would ask about last night and I’d have a goofy smile on my face. He’d know something. What if he guessed? I looked at my reflection in horror. That was not going to happen. I’d be ready to talk to him in a day or two.
But not now.
“Thanks but I’m going to see mom,” I called back. Which I hadn’t been planning on that but now it seemed like it was the only thing I wanted to do. I couldn’t tell her but just seeing her and maybe asking some sex questions and relationship questions might help. She was the only one I had to ask. That I trusted what she had to say.
“Oh. Okay. Do you work tonight?”
I did. I didn’t want to. I wanted to see Nate. But I had a job and I had to be there. “Yeah. Seven to close.”
“I’ll see you tonight then. I’ve got to work all day.”
Eli had a job working at his grandfather’s car lot. He did computer filing and handled their social media. It was an easy gig but I wasn’t jealous. He had offered me a job there too. I just wouldn’t take it. I knew they didn’t need me. I didn’t want them making a job up for me.
“Okay. I’m getting in the shower. If you’re gone when I get out I’ll see you tonight.”
I turned on the water needing to end this conversation. It was awkward because I knew he was wanting to ask me about last night but wouldn’t. He wanted me to just tell him.
This time Eli didn’t get to know everything.
Pulling into my parents’ driveway always made me feel safe. I hadn’t been moved out long but I knew this would always be my home. The boys’ community truck was gone so they had already left for school. I had timed it just right. Dad would be working and the boys were gone.
I liked to see my brothers and father but I wanted mom to myself. I wasn’t even to the door when it opened and she stepped out onto the wide wrap around porch. The smile on her face was big and beautiful just like her. I had always thought I had the prettiest mother.
“I have company I wasn’t expecting. Good thing I made extra biscuits.” Momma always made extra biscuits. She grew up on this farm feeding her grandfather and the workers. It was what she did. Having a husband and three boys to feed made her happy.
“What about tomato gravy? Got any of that?” I asked.
She nodded. “Of course I do.”
“Then I’m starving.”
She wrapped her arms around me when I stepped up onto the porch. “I miss seeing this face every day. Takes all my willpower not to ride into Sea Breeze just to see you. But you look good. You look happy.
“I am happy,” I assured her. Now if she’d asked me this time yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing. At least not honestly.
“Come inside and let me feed you while you tell me what or who has that smile on your face,” she said opening the door for us to go inside.
“I had a date last night,” I decided against telling her that I forced that date.
“Oh, with who?”
“Nate Finlay,” I replied.
She paused. “What about his fiancé?”
“They broke it off. After I quit my job. It all kind of snowballed.”
We stepped inside and mom wasn’t saying much. I knew she was thinking this through. Like Eli she didn’t want me hurt. But unlike Eli she was more careful how she handled it. I waited for her to decide what she was going to say next.
Walking over to get a cup out of the cabinet for my coffee, I was holding my breath. I wanted her to be happy for me. But I wasn’t sure she would be. This wasn’t an ideal situation. But it was what I wanted.
“Did he break it off, or did she?” mom finally asked.
“He did.”
“For you”
“No.” I replied watching her face for any hint of what she was thinking.
“Then why?”
“Because he wanted more. They were weird together. No connection. No attachment. She didn’t even seemed to care when he broke things off. It was similar to the way she acted when I quit.”
