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We talked about nothing important and for a few short moments I didn’t think about my reality.
Bliss York
I SHOULD HAVE kept driving. But I didn’t. The sign was already taken down and the windows were dark. Nothing there now. It was empty. I sat in my car and thought about the first day I had walked in there and applied for a job. It was just a couple months ago. Yet my world had completely altered since then.
Octavia’s sign was gone. There was a “For Lease” poster on the door. The same door I had walked out of and dropped boxes then came face to face with Nate. Who I never expected to see again.
Would this all be different if I hadn’t applied for a job here that day? If I’d gone somewhere else and never locked eyes with Nate? Would he have stayed with her, married her, had his son? Tears stung my eyes as I thought of the life he could have had.
It had been three weeks now since he’d left. Not a second went by that I didn’t think of him. That I didn’t worry about him. That my heart didn’t ache for all he was going through. But I couldn’t call. I couldn’t ask him if he was okay or how he was doing. I could do nothing.
Today I would start my new job. I was going to be the new director for youth services and marketing at the Sea Breeze Library. Saffron and Holland’s mother was a famous author so she had pulled a few strings for me. I didn’t know it however until I had gotten the job. My boss had mentioned Blythe Corbin doing a signing because of me getting the position. I’d asked mom if she knew anything about it and she said no. I wasn’t sure how Blythe had known I applied.
As much as I enjoyed Live Bay working there wasn’t what I wanted to do. I preferred to go there as a customer. Serving my friends was taxing at times. I didn’t know how Larissa put up with it.
I started to back out and head to work when Eli’s truck pulled up beside me. He had driven by and saw my car and probably thought I was having a break down. I didn’t want to get out of my car. It was silly but standing there in front of the store seemed wrong now.
Eli got out of his truck and walked over to get in my passenger side. He didn’t say anything at first. Just looked at the store and all its emptiness. There had been so much to happen here in such a short time. Octavia would have been pregnant with his son when I got this job. Had she known? And if she had why not tell Nate?
“Looks sad. Lonely,” Eli remarked.
“It does.”
“You been here long?”
“No. Just needed to see it.”
He sighed. “You seem better.”
“I am better. My heart will always hurt for Nate. For his pain. But my life will also go on. I can’t just quit. Life is a gift.”
“You know that better than anyone.”
I hadn’t meant that others didn’t know it. But yes, after facing death you look at life differently. It changes you.
“Do you think he will ever come back here? That I’ll ever see him again?”
“Don’t know. Maybe. I hope. For your sake.”
He meant that.
“I miss him. I just don’t know if seeing him again would be too much. It may be best that the night on the beach was it. My last memory of him. Eventually I’ll move on but I don’t think my heart ever truly will.”
“Bliss, he’ll come back one day. I may not have lost a child. And I may not feel like someone ended their life because of me. But I am a man. I know how we think. And I know if I was in love with someone like you I’d come back. I’d have to. That being said, you can’t put your life on hold. When you’re ready. Date again. Enjoy life.”
I wasn’t sure he was right. Part of me hoped he was the other part prayed he wasn’t. I just didn’t want to live waiting on a man to return that never did. For now, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t moving on anytime soon. I had friends and a job. And I had my memories.
“Want me to bring you lunch today?”
No. I didn’t want to eat. “Yes. That would be nice.” It was time I pushed through my sadness. Tried to find joy again.
“I’ll be there with greasy burgers around noon.”
“No. Not those. Anything else.” I’d had greasy burgers my first day at Octavia’s. The day Nate arrived. I couldn’t eat those now.
“Okay. Then I’ll choose,” he said not having to ask why.
He got back out of the car and went and got in his truck. But he didn’t leave until I cranked my car. Once I pulled out he followed behind me. Eli had been patient and understanding through all this. Being at home with him was quiet and easier than it would have been to go to my parents. They’d hover. I didn’t want that. I had needed to drink too much wine, eat icing out of a jar, and vomit a couple of times.
