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And I refuse to go down quietly without a fight.
15
Demi
After the day I’ve had, the library is the last place I want to be. I feel like hammered horseshit. My run-in with Justin this morning and then Annica this afternoon has wiped me out emotionally. As tempting as it was to cancel my tutoring session with Rowan, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The conversation at the stadium this afternoon has shifted our relationship. He was there when I needed someone and stood up to Justin. If he needs help with stats, then the least I can do is return the favor.
As soon as my confrontation with Annica pushes its way into my brain, I’m once again taken aback by the viciousness of her comments. Over the last year, I’ve become increasingly aware that there was a problem between us. Never in my wildest dreams did I realize she harbored so much hatred for me. It’s a little disturbing. All right, maybe more than a little.
Even though I know exactly how hard I’ve worked to get where I am and that I’ve earned my position on the team as both a starter and a captain, the ugliness she hurtled earlier gnaws at my insides. Doubt mushrooms up inside me. It's stupid. I’ve never questioned myself before. So why am I listening to anything she has to say now?
And yet, the vitriol she spewed circles viciously at the back of my brain, refusing to be banished.
“Hey.”
The deep voice has me blinking out of my thoughts as Rowan slides onto the chair situated next to me. For the first time in my life, it’s a relief to see him. His presence forces me out of my own head. And right now, I need that more than ever.
“Hi.” I hoist my smile and attempt to shove everything to the outer recesses of my brain.
Rowan settles on the chair and pulls out his book and notebook from his backpack before carefully searching my eyes. His brow furrows. It’s as if he’s able to pick through all of the private thoughts I’m trying to shove deep down inside. He doesn’t know me that well. He shouldn’t be able to read me so easily. “Are you all right?”
His unexpected concern throws me off-kilter. “Yeah.” Rather than tell him the truth, I say, “I’m fine.”
A hard glint enters his eyes, and the easy-going expression he had been wearing vanishes. “You didn’t have another run-in with Justin, did you?”
“No.”
“What then?” His jaw tightens as stubbornness settles over his features. “It’s obvious something happened.”
Even though some of the barriers standing between us have been chipped away, that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to spill my guts. Maybe, deep down, I’m afraid that Annica is right, and my father has something to do with the success I’ve found at Western. Not once have I ever considered the possibility. Now that she’s breathed life into the idea, I can’t stop from worrying there could be a kernel of truth to it.
“Demi, answer me.” His voice drops, becoming more commanding.
My teeth sink into my lower lip as I glance away. “It’s nothing.”
His fingers wrap around my thigh before giving it a gentle squeeze. Electricity sizzles through me at the innocuous contact. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on and let me determine that for myself?”
I huff out a breath and try to steer the conversation back to safer terrain. “We’re supposed to be working on statistics, not talking about all the crap going on in my life.”
“I thought we’d decided earlier that we’re friends?”
A second ticks by as I consider the prospect. Is that what we are now?
Friends?
After spending so many years holding him at a distance, it’s a strange concept to wrap my mind around.
When I remain silent, he continues, “Friends talk to one another when there’s a problem. And we’re friends, right?”
I don’t know...are we?
I jerk my head into a tight nod. For better or worse, I suppose that’s the path we’re now careening down.
He squeezes my thigh for a second time. The heat of his handprint becomes singed into my bare flesh for all eternity. “Then tell me what’s going on.”
I press my lips together, fighting the strange need I have to confide in him. When I can’t hold it in any longer, all the details pour out. Every poisonous dart that Annica hurtled in my direction. Heat flames my cheeks as I purge it from my body. Sydney had drilled me for the details on our way home from practice, and while I told her most of it, I’d glossed over the ugliest parts. The ones that leave me questioning my own talent. It sucks how one little comment can fill you with so much self-doubt.
When my shoulders finally slump and everything has been released into the atmosphere, Rowan’s expression turns thunderous. “She really said all that to you?”
