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“I don’t understand.” Her features contort as she shakes her head for a second time as if to clear it. “What about all the rumors?”
This is an uncomfortable conversation I never imagined having with her. It’s tempting to bolt from the couch and out the door instead of baring my soul and exposing myself as a fraud. “That’s all they are,” I force myself to admit, “rumors.”
She blinks a few times as those thoughts circle in her head. Understanding floods her expression as her delicate hand drifts to my cheek for a second time in a matter of minutes. It’s a rarity for her to reach out and touch me. Only now am I able to expel the air being held captive from my lungs. I squeeze my eyes shut before sinking into the warmth of her palm.
“Thank you for telling me,” she whispers. “I appreciate you entrusting me with the truth.”
I open my eyes and meet her steady gaze. “Honestly, it’s a relief that you know.”
“I’m sorry you ever felt the need to hide your authentic self not only from me but the rest of the world. All this time you’ve been living a lie.”
Well...I wouldn’t go that far.
“It’s not really anyone else’s business.”
“You’re right. No one should judge you.” There’s a beat of silence. “What about your teammates? Do they know?”
My eyes widen. “Hell, no! Can you imagine their reactions?”
“Oh, Rowan.” Sadness fills her voice before she closes the distance and presses her lips against mine in a chaste kiss. When I go to sink into the caress, she pulls away. “That must be so difficult! I wish you’d told me sooner so I could have supported you through this.”
Supported me?
How would she have done that?
“Huh?” My brows jerk together.
Her other hand rises to cup the side of my face. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.”
Of course there’s not.
Why the hell is she bringing that—
Wait a minute...
She thinks I’m—
“Demi! I’m not gay!” I bark out a disbelieving laugh. “Trust me when I say that I like women.” My gaze drops to her parted lips which are still swollen from our kisses. “A lot.”
Her expression becomes pinched. As if I’ve confused her all over again. “I don’t understand. Then...why haven’t you had sex? Clearly you’ve had plenty of opportunities.”
For such a smart girl, Demi can be kind of dense. Apparently, I’m going to have to spell it out for her. And here I thought revealing that I was a damn virgin would be the hardest part of the evening.
“I’ve always had my eye on someone. Since I’ve never wanted anyone more than her,” I jerk my shoulders, “I waited.” Even as the words tumble out of my mouth, they sound absurd and farfetched. No one on campus could get laid easier than me and yet, I’ve chosen to remain celibate.
What red-blooded, college-aged guy does that?
None I’m acquainted with.
Then again, I don’t exactly broadcast my status. Demi is the only person who knows I’m a virgin. It’s always been a well-kept secret. Not one I’m ashamed of, but still...
Our gazes cling as the tension simmering in the air ratches up a couple hundred notches. Demi becomes perfectly still as she sits perched on my lap. My hands fasten around her waist to keep her in place. Now that I’ve made the big reveal, I’m half-afraid it’ll be too much for her to take in, and she’ll bolt.
When I can’t stand another moment of the suffocating silence that blankets us, I blurt, “Aren’t you going to ask who the girl is?”
She shakes her head, and all of the hope rising inside me bursts like an overinflated balloon before crashing back to earth with a painful thud. Not only have I made it obvious that I have feelings for her. I told her I’m a virgin.
Fuck me.
This isn’t good.
Especially since it’s pretty damn obvious by her refusal to ask who the girl is that she’s not interested. And that’s cool. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that you can’t force feelings that aren’t there to begin with.
“You know what?” Regretting my overshare, I clear my throat. “It’s late. I should probably take off.” I want to go home and lick my wounds in private. After this debacle, it’s doubtful I’ll ever put myself out there again. Who the hell needs this shit?
So, yeah...I’m more than ready to flee the scene of the crime. And the way she continues to gape at me like I’ve grown a horn on my forehead isn’t helping matters either. It only makes me feel like a humongous dumbass for choosing to disclose the truth.
Seriously, what the hell had I been thinking?
For once in my life, I allowed the wrong head to make the decisions.
When I can’t stand the oppressiveness for another moment, I tighten my grip on her hips and lift Demi from my lap before carefully setting her down next to me. Then I pop to my feet, ready to fly through the front door like a bat out of hell. I need distance from the pain and humiliation pumping through me.
