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Fucking coward.
“We have to talk, honey. We can’t go on like this.”
“We can, and we are. Go away,” I groaned. I looked like shit. I acted like a little one, too. And I was drunk off my ass, which she could see. My mother ignored me, took the stairs to the door, and pushed it open. “I’m making some tea. You should join me, dear. It’s cold out.”
My mother still acted like the loving parent that she was, even when I put her through hell. Even when she was the very last person I should be mad at, because every time she looked at my face, she saw her husband’s unfaithfulness with her sister. In my eyes, which were Nina’s. My lips, which were his. My very being was supposed to be a thorn in her heart. But somehow, she always made me feel like that heart beat for me.
And that was what made me scrape my ass from the porch and jerk a finger, pointing directly at my dad.
“Stay where you are.” I raised my voice. “She’s fine, but you’re not welcome here, you cheating piece of shit.”
Two minutes later, she wrapped a quilt around my shoulders, and I was sitting in a stranger’s kitchen drinking strong tea for the first time in my life. What man under sixty drinks tea willingly? Me, I guess.
“Listen to me, honey.” Mom propped forward in her seat across from me and took my hand in hers. She was still warm. How was she warm? Well, not sitting outside for hours upon hours trying to atone for your behavior had something to do with it. “I know that you’re mad and confused. You have every right to be. And if you think for one second that I just rolled over at the time when it happened and let him get away with it, you’re dead wrong. I filed for divorce, Dean. I didn’t want your dad after I found out what he did. And, frankly, I did not want you, either.”
Ouch.
“You’re still here.” I sneered, my eyes dead.
“I am.” She smiled. “Because of you. You were worth it. Once I realized that you were mine to take care of, I wanted you. So much so that I was willing to give Eli another shot, even though he did not deserve it. Your father messed up. Big time. But things are not always as they seem. You should know that better than anyone.”
She referred to Millie and Rosie. And she was right. Even though I didn’t truly love Millie, and she didn’t truly love me, it still happened.
“It was your idea that I should bond with her. I spent my summers on her farm,” I ground out.
Mom shook her head. “Dean, you were begging to go. You said you loved it there. From my point of view, she stopped using drugs and was living on a farm. She sold us lies. I figured that you would tell us if you didn’t like it there. I asked you, Dean. Every single summer, I asked you if you liked it there. You always said yes.”
“I wanted her to love me.” I swallowed, darkness clouding my expression. “Jesus, I sound pathetic. Even to my own ears.”
My mother’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears. I hurt for her as much as I hurt for me, but not even close to as much as I hurt for Rosie.
The front door opened and closed, and my mother stood up and looked behind her shoulder, her face serene.
“You have a lot to talk about, you and your dad, but I will say one thing, Dean. Love is not perfect. Life is not perfect. Yet, they’re both extremely beautiful things you should treasure every day. I’m happy with your father. And whatever happened in the past belongs just there—the past.”
Eli walked into the country-styled yellow kitchen and took the seat my mother occupied a second ago. I took off the mask I put in front of Mom and gave him my douchebag face. The one I now knew I got from him.
“Thought I told you not to leave the car.”
“Thought you knew better than to go around firing orders at your father, Dean Leonard Cole.”
I unfolded my arms and leaned back in my chair, smirking.
“Guess I owe you a thank you for finally telling me I’m your biological son. If I throw in a few hundred more grand, are you going to give me more details about it? Maybe where I was conceived? And, of course, if Nina is a screamer.” Not that I didn’t know the answer to the latter. Nina had a thing for making me feel uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. I couldn’t recall one summer where I didn’t catch and/or hear her and Owl getting it on. It made me gag, but I couldn’t do shit about it. Thin walls. Plus, sometimes I would walk into the kitchen or the living room and they’d be porking each other and grinning at me. No wonder I loved lying on the hay outside so much.
