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My face must’ve contorted in agony, because she sucked on her lower lip and slapped the base of her palm to her forehead. “God, what a stupid thing to say. Sorry.”
“No need. You’re right. Everybody does need a mom. Even my daughter. Maybe especially her.” But it wasn’t Luna I wanted to talk about. A sudden urge to touch Edie coursed through me, and I slid my hand from my thigh to her knee, squeezing it softly. Not to seduce, but to comfort.
“When you said you didn’t know whether or not to tell him…you didn’t mean Jordan, Edie.”
She cautiously turned my palm upward, lacing our fingers together. We both watched our hands like they were magic. My big mocha fingers wrapped around her tiny snowy ones. The light outside was dying and so was my will to keep this thing between us casual.
It wasn’t casual.
It had never been casual.
It was a fucking disaster, and I needed to end it before it ended me, but how could I, when her mother was in a coma and she was holding my hand like I was her friend, like I was her boyfriend, like I was her lover.
I looked up and she was no longer crying. Her face was jeweled by hatred, her jaw cut.
“Theo,” she said.
“Theo?” I echoed. I had a feeling I’d heard that name before, but I wasn’t sure when or where. Obviously, there were a shit-ton of Theos. But there was a nagging itch inside me insisting that the Theo she was talking about, I knew. Or at least knew of.
“Yeah. My brother. He was born when I was six. He is twelve now. But…there were some complications at his birth. Mom was induced twice. The umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, but she was already deep into labor and they couldn’t perform a C-section. He was deprived of oxygen for…a long time.” She cleared her throat, looking up and furrowing her brows, reminiscing.
“I remember asking my mother why he was so funny looking, even before we found out about all his problems. My father freaked out. He was a senior executive in this fancy-ass company and was working hard on his image. He didn’t want this to taint his precious career and his perfect family. He got an offer to open a branch in Holland and took it, but it was mostly to hide Theo. He has autism, epilepsy, and cerebral palsy. He is…different. Very different.” She chuckled, but her eyes were softening. As if talking about him soothed her. “But he is also smart. And kind. And so, so brave. He is patient, and accepting, and always smiles at me when I visit him like I’m the best thing in the world. He doesn’t complain about my parents never visiting. He doesn’t cry about being dealt this hand of cards, this kind of life. So I’m rooting for him. I root for him all the time.”
My hand felt sweaty in hers, but I didn’t want to pull away. I wanted to know more.
“So where is Theo now?”
“A special group home in San Diego. It’s actually an amazing facility, but it costs a ton. My father wanted him sent away, somewhere on the East Coast, so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his proximity. The staff really encourage families to visit consistently and participate, and Jordan doesn’t like it. I don’t think he’s visited him in years. My mom goes every Christmas to say hi and bring a gift. But, in order to keep him there, my father and I agreed I’d pay half of the monthly fee. Otherwise he’d take him away from me.”
I scoffed. “That’s got to be a ton.”
“Twelve thousand dollars.” She nodded.
“Why? He’s got enough money to start a war with Canada. And win, probably.”
“To see me squirm. To watch me fail. You name it. Ever since Jordan realized I wasn’t going to give up on my brother and actually continued seeing him every week and made him a part of our family, he’s been bitter toward me. He fails to see why I insist on staying here and not going to a good college.”
“And your mom?”
“Too weak to handle Jordan, too fragile to deal with Theo and his needs. The first time she tried to take her own life…” Edie hesitated, placing her elbows on her knees and burying her head between her hands. “It was right after my father put him in this institution. She wanted him close. She wanted to take care of him. But doing so was taking a toll on her. She wanted to be a good mother, but couldn’t.”
I wondered, briefly, if that was the case with Val, too. If she wanted to be better for Luna, but couldn’t, so she’d decided to fuck off instead. I brought our hands to my lips, pressing a kiss against her soft skin. She closed her eyes and gave in to the moment.
