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Daria always seemed so distant and independent as if she had it all figured out. How could I have been so stupid?
Daria acts like eighteen-year-old Mel. Dazed, confused, and hurt.
In New York, when Bailey and Via fawned over me, and Daria awarded me with long yawns, I did what I always do when I get frustrated with her; I built up an ice wall from the same variety she raised every time I came knocking on the doors of her heart.
I shouldn’t have built more walls.
I should’ve broken them down.
Smashed them and stormed in and given her everything she needed so she wouldn’t have to search for them in an abusive educator who took advantage of her.
I hear my daughter crying in her room and muster the courage to tiptoe and peek through the slit in the door. They are so quiet and content and wrecked together. My beautiful, perfect husband sits on the edge of my daughter’s bed, hugging her close to his chest and kissing the crown of her blond head. She is falling apart in his arms, and my heart hurts so much I can’t even breathe.
I should be hugging you.
I should be comforting you.
Collapsing against the wall, I suck in air. Sourness rises in my throat, and I swallow it down, but it keeps coming up, wanting to spill over. I want to purge whatever’s inside me on the floor. All the frustration and hate and animosity toward the person I gave birth to. This has been going on for far too long. I need my baby back.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, the love of my life?”
The love of his life. I know he means it. Jaime would die just to put a smile on his mini-me’s face.
“I can’t stay here, you know. I’m not going to let Penn throw the game, and I won’t be able to show my face at school after the journal goes public.”
“It’ll never come to that. I will hit Gus up tonight.”
“No.” I hear Daria sniff and know she is shaking her head. She’s made up her mind. “It’s too late. My reputation is shit. If the truth comes out, people will know I killed All Saints High’s chance at taking the championship, and Gus and Via will spin it against me. Besides…” She takes another deep breath. I know why. I know because I fold their clothes and tuck their secrets into their closets every day.
“I need to put some distance between the Scullys and me.”
“Is that right?”
“I’m so sorry, Daddy. I know you didn’t want this to happen. And I know I let you down a gazillion times. By letting the Hulk win. By being jealous. By being mean. By not being the best version of myself I could have been. By falling in love with a person I had no right to fall in love with.”
“Shh,” he murmurs into her hair, cradling her. They are moving back and forth to a soundless lullaby, cocooned inside a world I’m no longer a part of.
“You are the perfect version of yourself, kiddo. The real deal. We’re the same, you and me.” He kisses her nose, then the tears from her eyes. “When I was your age, I was frustrated and confused. I always had the best intentions, but my actions came out all wrong. As for falling in love with the wrong person…” He chuckles, shaking his head.
A ghost of a smile finds my lips.
Don’t say it, Jaime.
“I’m a lot of things, but a hypocrite is not one of them. I fell in love with my high school teacher. And guess what? We still made it work. Don’t let people tell you who to fall in love with, and don’t think just because the past few years have been shit, the rest of your life will follow suit. Look at your old man. I got my happy ending. You will, too.”
She mulls his words over, munching on her lip.
“I need to get away.”
“From your problems? Not a good idea.”
“No, from the people I’ve hurt. There’s a lot of healing to be done. I need to start fresh where I’ll have a chance to reinvent myself. To be who I know I can be, Daddy.”
He says nothing and everything at the same time. His eyes tell her it is hers. The fresh start. He would never deny her anything. Not even if it means leaving us.
I want to hit him. Scream at him. Hug him for keeping our daughter’s mental state above water all this time when I couldn’t. Another bone-crushing hug passes between them. Daria is having the most defining moment of her adolescence without me.
That’s my punishment for my mistakes. That’s the price I have to pay.
“Do you think Mel would let me leave next semester?” She tears away from their hug, blinking up at him.
