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“That’s how he died, isn’t it? An ejecting malfunction?”
I nodded. “The canopy didn’t open in time. His head went straight through it. Died on impact.”
“Jesus. You didn’t see it, did you?”
“No, we were on opposite sides of the world. But I was there when they brought his casket home, and I think I was in denial until then. Like he wasn’t really dead until I saw it with my own eyes, and…fuck. I lost it.”
“Lost it?” Panther’s voice was soft in the room, as though he didn’t want to disrupt my train of thought.
“Yeah. I went from the straight-as-an-arrow little aviator to—”
“A reckless pain in the ass?”
I shrugged, knowing that was exactly what most thought of me. “I guess so. What was the point of toeing the line and playing it safe anymore? Parents had died, brother had died too—who was left to care?”
Panther rolled to his side, his eyes roving over my face as he tucked his pillow under his head. “Do you still feel that way now?”
“Reckless?”
Panther raised an eyebrow at my purposeful misdirection.
“That no one cares.”
Those piercing blue eyes seemed to bore into mine, searching for the truth, and I knew if I tried to fabricate a lie, he’d see right through it.
“I think you might.” When Panther said nothing, I added, “Maybe.”
Panther reached over and fingered the chain around my neck, tracing the length of it until he could hook his finger under the dog tags, which he brushed his thumb over.
“I didn’t want to.”
“Care?”
Panther nodded.
“So what happened?”
Panther smiled. “You did.”
My stomach clenched at those two simple words. Not because they were all that special, but because of the way in which Panther said it, as though he was completely and utterly mesmerized by me.
I felt fucking invincible.
“You were annoying, persistent, infuriating to no end, but damn if you didn’t make me sit up and take notice.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. That first night, in the bar?”
“Hmm, where you were waiting for limp dick?”
“Limp—” Panther’s mouth fell open, but then he chuckled. “When I was waiting for my date. I couldn’t stop looking at you, wanting what you were so obviously offering—”
“Hey, I told you, not subtle.”
“So you did. But then, just when I was going to give in, I felt these…” Panther stroked his fingertips over my tags again. “And that was it—there was no way I was going to get involved with you.”
“How’d that work out for you?”
Panther let go of the metal and trailed his fingers down my naked chest. “Well, you’re in my bed. So, like I said, you made me notice you when I really didn’t want to. And you made me care because you’re you.”
“Grant…” I sighed into the dark room, as Panther scooted a little closer to me. My pulse was racing as he somehow managed to once again turn this conversation from himself to me, and I was left feeling vulnerable and exposed, in ways I never had before. “I don’t do this kind of thing.”
“Lie in bed with a man? Now, we both know that’s a lie.”
“Get close. I don’t do…this.” I gestured to his fingers drawing patterns over my skin. “I don’t tell people about my thoughts and feelings. I don’t tell them about my parents and brother. All this emotional stuff? I don’t do it.”
Panther drew his hand back, his eyes still pinned to mine, but there was no anger there, no hurt. “Well, you know where the door is. If you want to leave, leave. I’m not making you stay.”
And damn it, even as every instinct in my body said to get up and get out, I rolled to my back and said, “But how would I know you were okay?”
13 Panther
NOT MUCH SURPRISED me anymore when it came to Solo, but the fact he didn’t jump out of the bed and run for the door when I offered him an out just about shocked me speechless.
I wasn’t a fool; I knew Solo was the kind of guy who usually loved ’em and left ’em—hell, I was too. But somewhere over the course of a couple of weeks, my feelings for the man lying beside me had taken a dramatic turn.
Chalk it up to almost dying, or maybe some really great fucking sex—it could have been either, but suddenly, all I wanted was to get to know Solo. I wanted to understand him, and I wanted him to understand me, and when he didn’t immediately hightail it for the door, I thought I just might get the chance.
“You could check on me in the morning,” I finally said, though my gut already told me that Solo was going nowhere.
He turned his head on the pillow. “But what if something happens between now and then?”
“I could bang on the wall.”
“What if you can’t reach the wall?”
His immediate dismissal of every suggestion made me laugh. “I could throw something at it.”
