“Calm down, Percival.” She began making her way toward her car parked further down Main. “But, I can only witness desperate pining for so long.”
Groaning a tad dramatically, I dropped my shoulders in defeat. It was only going to be a matter of time before Chris noticed my feelings, but I’d really been hoping to keep it under wraps a little while longer. Say, till the man moved out of my place.
“Fuck, sorry I’m so annoying. Do you think he noticed anything?” I groaned, rubbing a hand down my face. “I’ve been trying for like… weeks to tamp things down.” I said pitifully as I followed along after her.
Chris paused her rummaging through her purse to look up at me. “Huh? I meant him, dummy.”
I stared at her dumbfounded, blinking rapidly.
Come again?
“I mean,” She began, resuming her search, “Youhavebeen super obvious, but you’ve been into him basically ever since he moved in.”
My jaw dropped and all I could do was stand there, lips flapping comically as I tried and failed to produce some sort of retort.
“Close your mouth, flies will get in.” She muttered, then with a triumphant gasp, produced her keys to unlock her car.
“I know I make jokes about you being psychic and all, but…” I felt a little shell-shocked by her nonplussed attitude.
“Oh, Colton, I don’t need psychic powers to see what is going on here.” She motioned with a finger to encircle me and then off in the distance.
“He’s straight—” I began weakly, but she cut me off.
“Stop with the broken record act. If that man is straight, I will eat my shoe. And these are my favorite combat boots, so you know I mean business.” Chris began gathering up the groceries and loading them into the giant cooler tucked into the floor well of her backseat.
I hoped leather tasted good, for her sake.
“Chris. Come on, this is real life. A man like Derek,” I motioned weakly behind me, “is not into men. And he’s most definitely not into me.” Was I trying to convince her or myself? Toss up at this point.
She turned toward me, placing her hands on her hips.
“That man,” She stabbed her finger in the general direction Derek had gone, “got jealous because he saw you walking with your arm around me. That man literally put himself between us for the rest of the day. Andthat manwas looking at you so longingly I thought we might have been transported into the Titanic movie.”
My traitorous heart was slamming into my chest. TheideaDerek Hammond could be into me was more than enough to send blood rushing to my face.
“They all die in the Titanic.” I protested weakly.
Chris threw her hands up in the air. “It’s one of the greatest love stories of all time!” She began.
“Debatable.” I interjected softly.
“And,” She practically shouted over me, “They don’t all die. It’s been eighty-four years, remember?”
“What’s the game plan for killing Derek off then?” I asked, trying to keep my face neutral.
She stared at me for a moment before closing her eyes, pressing her hands together into a prayer position under her nose, and exhaled slowly.
Finally, Chris held up both hands.
“Okay, so, maybe not the best analogy.” She admitted.
“Not your greatest work, bestie.” I agreed.
“However,” she pressed on with renewed vigor, “I’m not wrong about what’s happening here. You’re both into each other.”
I winced. “Look, I love the optimism, but…”
She opened her mouth to cut me off again, but I talked over her.
