His whole body goes still. Even his breathing stops. The knot swells slightly larger.
His hand finds my face in the darkness. “Say again.”
I turn to kiss his palm, tasting salt and sulfur. “I love you.” My hands grip his arms. “Not just need you.” I rock slightly, making us both gasp. “Not just want you.” I clench around him deliberately. “Love.”
He's quiet so long I think he won't respond. His tail coils tighter around me. Then, his voice rough: “Your word.” He shifts, going deeper. “Human word.” His teeth graze my shoulder. “We have no equivalent.”
I try to turn to see him but the knot keeps me in place. “What do you have?”
“Vei'thar nala ketra.” The translator struggles, outputs: “Mine-until-death-beyond-choosing.”
My breath catches. “That's not the same.”
His hand moves to my throat, resting over my pulse. “No.” His thumb traces where bond bite would go. “More specific.” His other hand splays across my stomach. “Love allows leaving.” His voice drops. “Vei'thardoes not.”
I reach back, finding his face by touch. “Then I'mvei'thar?”
“You are not mine yet.” His teeth press against my throat, not breaking skin. “No bond bite.” The pressure increases slightly. “Still can choose portal.” His knot pulses harder. “But want you to bevei'thar.” His arms tighten around me. “Want beyond biology.” His voice breaks slightly. “Beyond tonic.” He breathes against my neck. “Want because you threw rock at comfort.” A soft laugh. “Because you survived four hunters.” His hand finds mine. “Because you are chaos in female form.”
It's not love. But it might be better.
Day 28
Tomorrow the portal opens.
We don't talk about it. Instead, we fuck everywhere. Against every surface of the den, leaving marks and scents. In the thermal pool until the minerals burn our oversensitive skin. On the ridge where he first showed me the names, adding our own cries to the history there. Under the stars where the sand is still warm from day heat, his scales reflecting moonlight while he moves inside me.
Each time feels like goodbye.
Each time feels like begging to stay.
My body has never been more his. The tonic has made me so specific that just his scent makes me wet. But my mind keeps circling back to Lily in her hospital bed, machines keeping her stable, waiting for money that might never come.
We're lying exhausted on the furs when I ask again. “What would you do?”
He pulls me tighter against him, as if he could press the answer into my skin. “Already told you.” His voice is tired. “Would depend if my mate could survive without me.”
I trace patterns on his chest. “Lily can't survive without the money.”
His hand stills mine. “Money extends life.” His tail wraps around my ankle. “Not the same as survival.”
I sit up to look at him. “It is on Earth.”
He meets my gaze steadily. “Then Earth is already dead.”
Harsh but maybe true. Earth trades its daughters for resources. Pyraxis is dying of environmental collapse. Everything is ending. The only question is where I want to be when it does.
Day 29 - Morning
Tomorrow the portal opens at dawn.
We wake before sunrise, neither having slept much. My body knows what my mind won't admit. That I've already chosen. Ican feel it in how I press against him, how my hands won't stop touching, memorizing.
I sit up, pulling my knees to my chest. “I need to tell you something.” I swallow hard. “I want the bond bite.”
His whole body tenses. His pupils dilate completely. “Now?” His voice cracks. “Today?”
I touch the spot on my throat where it will go. “Tomorrow.” My fingers shake slightly. “As the portal opens.” I lean down until our faces almost touch. “Want to choose while I still can, not because time ran out.”
