They walked in silence for several minutes. Taking their time, meandering their way down to the creek.
“You haven’t told me about medical school. How do you like it?” That should be a safe enough subject.
“It’s incredible. Truly, it is.” He let out a grunt. “But it’s also much harder than I imagined. Every day the work is intense. There’s so much to memorize and understand. It keeps me busy.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it even though it’s difficult. You never were one to back away from a challenging subject in school.” Memories of Joshua tackling the higher maths for extra credit while the rest of them were content to simply do what was required brought a smile to her face.
His steps halted and he tugged at her arm to stop with him. “I wanted to share all of it with you from the very beginning. I wrote to you about everything in those letters. It’s been incredibly difficult to do this without my best friend.” He trailed a finger down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Anna.”
“Stop apologizing, Josh.” Wrapping her arms around her middle, she didn’t know how to feel. It had been easier to pretend nothing mattered.
“It was my own foolish pride that kept me from mailing them. I kept thinking one day I would, and then as the weeks passed and I didn’t hear from you ... I guess I thought that meant you didn’t want to hear from me. But I continued to pour out my heart to you becauseyouwere the one I wanted to spend my life with. Who I wanted to share everything with.”
“Oh ... Josh.” Why did love have to hurt?
“What I’m saying is that I know we agreed to start over, butifyou choose to read them, you’ll notice that you still hold my heart. I don’t want to start over. I want to move on. With you.” He let out a breath, shoved his hands into his pockets, and started walking again.
Her heart seemed caught in her throat. More than anything, she’d wanted to spend time with him tonight. Each morning she woke up and was determined to knock down the wall that was between them. And each day, she’d find some reason to convince herself to hold back.
He’d written her all those letters. And what had she done? She’d wallowed in the aftermath of their fight and then held a grudge that he didn’t even bother to communicate with her. But didshetry? No. She hadn’t.
Watching his back as he continued on down the path, she hated herself for what she’d done. She was as guilty as he was.
Lifting her skirts, she ran to catch up to him. “Josh...”
He turned. The anguish in his eyes pierced her. Had she put that there? “I’m sorry.” Between breaths, she brushed the front of her skirt. Needing something to occupy her hands because she wanted to touch him but didn’t have that right anymore. “Let’s move on. Together.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners. “I’m willing to try if you are.”
Without another thought, she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. This was where she wanted to be. The strain of keeping her heart locked up for all this time slowly melted away with the rhythm of his heart under her ear.
“Anna...”
The hoarse whisper from the trees made her jump. She gripped Joshua’s arm. “Who said that? Who’s there?”
thirteen
“Youth is short and age is dreary; cheer these early days with a song or thou wilt grow sad and weary if the journey should be long.”
~Earl Douglass
FRIDAY, JUNE28
The crow of the rooster came too early. Anna moaned as she sat up on the edge of her bed. They’d searched the trees for twenty minutes and never found a sign of anyone else, but Joshua assured her she wasn’t the only one who heard her name called.
It had taken another half hour for her to convince him that she was safe and he could return home. She’d scurried in the door and locked it as soon as they said goodnight but that still didn’t make her feel comfortable enough to go to sleep. Her dad had been asleep when she came in and she couldn’t bear the thought of waking him with her paranoia. Once she was in her room with the lantern burning bright, she’d kept herself distracted by reading more of Joshua’s letters.
She’d started over with the first two and put the rest in chronological order. After the first few haunting missives, where she could almost feel the grief over how they’d ended things, he started sharing everything about school. His hopes and dreams. Which still included her. If she could forgive him.
She’d finally relaxed and snuggled up under the covers. More than once, she’d laughed aloud while reading, and multiple times she’d teared up as he’d shared the depth of his heart.
To think that she’d missed out on all of this because of her temper.
They still needed to discuss the argument. And whether or not he still felt that way toward her father’s work and hers. But they were walking a fine line right now. Trying to put the past behind them and move forward.
That hard conversation could wait. For now.
Anna dressed and prepared for the day. Another long one at the site most likely. So much needed to be done. She missed her dad’s presence. His knowledge. His skill. Without him, even with more men, it would take double the time. Because no one was quite like her father.
