She sat at her desk and thought about those words. And her conversation with Jacob. Not only had she lorded over him the fact that she was his employer, but she’d basically told him that he’d have to earn—and maintain—her trust. As if it were all his work to do if they were to move forward because she was in the right and would always be.
How selfish and unloving was that?
After spending the afternoon with the pastor and his wife, and then reading in the Scriptures for herself, Martha was convinced of several things.
One, she was a rich snob and needed to rid herself of thebad habits she’d allowed herself to develop. She wasn’t better than anyone else. She shouldn’t demand her way. She should extend love and forgiveness, just like Christ.
Two, she had no clue how to change. The way she’d been raised had shaped her. She’d never known anything different.
Oh, but that wasn’t completely true. When Phoebe had been her governess ... things were different. Even wonderful. Someday, she should track the woman down and thank her for the beautiful example she’d been to a little girl.
Flipping through the pages of her Bible, Martha went on the hunt for Ephesians.
The pastor and his wife had encouraged her to study that book before coming to church next week, since that was the passage he would be preaching on.
She read through the entire book and then went back and read it again. The last verses in chapter four jumped out at her: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
She’d been so introspective of late, especially where her faith was concerned. But as she reread those verses, a night from her childhood played in her mind. Only weeks before Phoebe left, Martha had cried over the crucifixion and resurrection accounts in the Bible. Phoebe had talked her through what it meant to receive salvation from God.
As though it was happening now rather than a long time ago, she saw herself kneeling by the side of her bed and praying.
Martha closed her eyes and felt it—that unmistakable sense of utter joy.
The only time she’d felt it in her life.
In fact, ever since, she’d essentially been searching for a way to get it back.
No question. What Phoebe had was real. And she’d felt it that night for herself.
Martha folded her hands and rested her forehead against them.
Father God, I want what Phoebe had. What I had. After she left, Ididn’t have anyone who could guide me. I believe.God, I believe. I have since I was a child,but now I’m ready to grow and no longer be a child in my faith. Please show me theway.
A single tear slipped down her cheek and she smiled out the window. This was right. This was good.
She looked back down at the passage in Ephesians. Jacob told her if she wanted to know God, she needed to read His Word. She’d been forgiven. It was her turn to pass that on. Truly learn about forgiveness.
And love.
Prayerfully soon she would have a chance to speak with Jacob. Her mother had forbidden her to go back to the boardinghouse, but he was healing. She would pray for him to heal enough to come back to the dig.
Knocking sounded at her door and she turned in her chair.
Lily Rose entered. “Good evening, Martha.” Hands clasped in front of her, she quirked an eyebrow. “What are you working on?”
“I’m reading the Bible.”
“That again?” Her companion’s chin lifted as her shoulders stiffened. “I will leave you to it.”
“Please, won’t you stay? It would be nice to discuss it with someone.”
But Lily Rose was already turning toward the door. “I cannotstop you from what you wish to do, miss, but I also don’t have to subject myself to it.” The words were sharp, cutting.
Martha stood and went after her friend. “What is it that you have against God? You’ve never behaved this way before. Which reminds me, the way you’ve treated Jacob has been horrid. I won’t allow it any longer.”
“The way I have treated Jacob?” Lily Rose held her gaze. “I apologize if my behavior is offensive to you. And since you have seen fit to remind me of my position, I will remind you that ultimately, I am in yourmother’semploy. We have discussed Mr. Duncan at great length. She thinks he’s after your family’s money and doesn’t like him. Neither do I.”
“I thought you said he was trustworthy?” Martha held her hands out. Pleading. “What changed your mind about all this?”
