The facts were the facts. He’d been her pawn for all these years. She’d ask him along, and he did whatever she wanted.
She’d used him. And this time was the worst. He’d told her no. But she did it anyway!
It didn’t matter that she’d just found out that her grandfather had passed. That was just another excuse.
He winced.
That wasn’t fair. She loved her family andwasgrieving.
He refilled his glass one more time and worked to get his temper under control. But Eliza had a way of getting his emotions in high gear. She was under his skin and in his heart and throughout his mind.
He’d almost caved at the end. The look in her eyes had almost been his undoing. Like she’d never seen him before anddidn’t know what to do with his anger. To be honest, he hadn’t known what to do with it either.
But they’d been standing so close together, and he’dwantedto kiss her. It didn’t matter how angry he’d been. In that moment, he’d wanted to give in to his desires.
Devin marched to the bathroom to splash cool water on his face. He had to get rid of these thoughts. For years, he’d kept things bottled up. Under control. No one knew.
Who has really been playing a part, after all?
His chest hurt with the thought. He’d just laid into Eliza about it ... but he’d had his own charade going for more than a dozen years. What a hypocrite.
Earlier today, his attitude had been completely different. And for once, he’d actually enjoyed himself digging and seeing the fossils in the rock show themselves. So just because she had a lapse of judgment, he had to go flying off the handle? What was wrong with him?
He shifted directions and went in search of clean clothes. He needed a bath to truly rid himself of all that transpired today. His anger with Eliza, and his anger with himself.
In the bathing room, he filled the bath with lukewarm water and dunked himself. It took him more than thirty minutes to scour and scrub his skin. He had dirt covering every inch of him, it seemed.
The harder he scrubbed, the more he visualized removing Eliza from his heart.
That was the crux of the matter. He loved Eliza. Wanted a future with her. But he’d made a promise to her grandfather. And he was a man of his word.
A little voice in the back of his mind wanted to argue.But her grandfather’s dead. Who caresabout your promise anymore?
“I do,” he said to the empty room. Even though he’d rather give in to that voice. What he would’ve given to kiss her. Just once.
He plunged himself back under the water to try and wash the thought from his mind. Staying under for several seconds, he couldn’t erase her from his thoughts. She’d looked as eager as he had been.
Could that be true?
He surfaced again and shook his head. It didn’t matter. He’d given his word.
He pulled his weary body from the tub and dried off. His anger was spent. There was nothing left but shredded pieces of his heart. Again.
After dressing, he emptied the tub and then headed to his small room and pulled out his Bible.
The words blurred on the page. He couldn’t focus. Couldn’t think of anything but Eliza. Once he’d allowed his anger to boil over, his long-buried passion had gushed out with it. There was no way to put it back in its enclosed and locked-up space.
God, I can’t take this anymore. I love her. I’ve loved her forso long, I don’t know how to stop. Orif I even can. I’ve failed at my pledgeto let her go. I’m sorry, Lord.
He closed his eyes and pictured her panic-stricken face when Dr. Masterson asked her about the paper.
Compassion replaced his anger. He rubbed his face with his hands.
Bother. He couldn’t allow her to be embarrassed. If he couldn’t convince her to tell the paleontologist the truth tomorrow, then he would play along with the charade. For one day. That was it. Then he was leaving.
He couldn’t allow himself to feel anything for her anymore. No matter what, he’d have to stand strong.
He shook his head. Like that would happen. The only thing that had worked was when thousands of miles separated them.
