WEDNESDAY, JULY26, 1916•PITTSBURGH
The evening sun was about to dip below the horizon. Devin watched from his seat on the porch as the last edges of it disappeared and the sky darkened.
The clouds put on a display of color until the remnants of light vanished. The sky became a dusky midnight blue and then deepened to its black cloak speckled with the stars of the universe.
Leaving Eliza had hurt more than he’d ever thought possible. Even worse was the fact that he’d laid his heart on the table.
Why had heeverthought that would be a good idea? While it had given him a brief moment of relief to unburden himself, it had made the good-bye even more wrenching.
When she first said she was coming home with him, he’d gotten his hopes up. Something he never should have done. But he couldn’t blame her for changing her mind.
Now that he’d been home a few days, he’d poured all his time and energy into his work at the University. Even added two more classes—literature this time—to teach. That should keep him busy. He might exhaust himself into oblivion, but that would only help keep his thoughts away from Eliza.
He glanced at the stack of papers on the small table to his right.
His latest project. It gave him something to pour himselfinto when he came home and the long evening hours tempted him to thoughts of her.
Dad had been great. He’d listened. Encouraged. Prayed. Then this morning, he’d promised to not bring Eliza up again. He’d only speak of her if Devin brought it up.
That had been the biggest gift.
If only his heart would get the same message. And his mind. How would he ever get over her if he couldn’t stop thinking about her? Devin let out a growl and shoved his hands in his hair.
Maybe he was going insane.
He had to be. He was still writing Eliza. Still expecting a reply. Still lulling himself with the thought that he’d promised he would always be her friend. And friends wrote each other letters. There was no harm.
Ha.
Maybe he should do as he’d said to her and go find a nice, quiet girl to court. Someone who could—over time—help him to love again.
A tap from inside the front door brought him out of his thoughts. He chuckled. “You don’t have to knock to come out on the front porch.”
The door creaked a bit as Dad poked his head around it. “I brought you some tea. Thought it might help you relax and sleep. You’ve been burning the candle at both ends.”
“Thanks, Dad.” He reached for the steaming cup. “Would you like to sit and chat for a while? I could use the company.”
“Sure. You know how much I love to look at the stars.”
He sipped the hot liquid. Time was so precious. He might not have a lot of years left with his father and he wanted to treasure every one.
Once they were settled in a couple of rocking chairs, Dad took a sip from his mug and put the chair into motion. “What’s on your mind?” He didn’t look at Devin. Just stared out at the night sky.
“How did you...?” He cleared his throat. Why was it so hard to ask this? “How did you do it, Dad? How did you go on with life ... heal, and mend your broken heart after Mom died?” He began to rock as well. “I mean ... I remember snippets of you crying. I know you were grieving for a long while. But most of my memories are of you strong, smiling, and taking care of me.”
Dad rocked for several moments. “Healing only took place after I gave my intense grief over to the Lord. Oh, it was still there. Losing your mother made me want to crawl into the grave and join her. Heaven is a place with no more tears, no more pain.” He sighed, his head bobbing with the rocking of his chair. “I desperately wanted to rid myself of the pain and tears. But then, I’d see you. Our incredible son. And I could hear your mother’s voice in my mind, telling me to keep going and to take care of you. She always challenged me to find the joy in everything. Whether it was a good situation or a difficult one.” He took another sip and fell silent.
Devin studied him for a long time. The man had sacrificed so much to raise him. Never once complaining. Then it hit him.
“Sothat’swhy you made me memorize James, chapter one.”
“Your mother loved the book of James.” Dad didn’t smile. He seemed lost in thought. “When you lose someone, son, you are plagued with all the regrets of what you could have done better. All the things left unsaid. I loved your mother with my whole heart, but there were times I was so focused on my work that I neglected her and you. I vowed not to do that with you after she was gone.”
Devin reached over and gripped his dad’s forearm. “You were always there for me. And I know it was tough, trying to fill the hole she left. Wrangling a young boy who missed his mother.”
“I don’t know what I would have done if Mr. Mills hadn’thired me to tutor Eliza.” Dad’s voice was rough and choked. “God truly paved the way with that job.” He cleared his throat and paused for several seconds. “I wouldn’t have been able to keep up my teaching and taking care of your needs. But God provided. I was able to teach my own son along with their granddaughter, and I wouldn’t trade that time with you for all the riches in the world.” His father finally looked over at him. Tears pooled in his eyes.
It shook Devin. That Dad would share his heart in this way... “I’m thankful for all you did for me.” He whispered the words, fighting his own tears.
