This was the right thing to do.
But what if she was attacked again? She’d never have the strength to endure it twice. She’d fall apart. And everyone she was trying to help would suffer in the process.
Chaisley would be alone, and Melanie couldn’t abandon her friend like that.
She was a worthless human being.
Slumping to the floor against the door, she buried her face in her hands.
Would she ever get past this? Or would it haunt her for the rest of her life? Why did it feel like her prayers had been useless?
Ever since the attack she’d read the book of Esther every day. Hoping to find the strength that she needed to continue on. It had helped, but moments like this made her doubt herself.
“God, help me. Please.” She spoke to the ceiling. “I can’t go on like this. Chaisley needs me. Lots of people need her. Give me Your strength ... God, I’m begging You. Please. Take this burden from me.”
As she choked out the last words, hot tears burned trails down her cheeks. The first time she’d allowed it since the attack.
Now the floodgate was open.
She moved to a crawling position and sobbed her way to the washroom where she splashed cold water on her face, but the tears continued. Grabbing a towel, she buried her face in it and wept. Lying on the cool floor, she sobbed and released it all into more capable hands.
She wasn’t alone.
Her Father understood.
In that moment, she felt cocooned in His arms as she poured out her fear and grief.
chapter
Twelve
Berlin, Germany—Friday, July 8, 1938
Konzerthaus in Gendarmenmarkt
The concert hall smelled ... clean.
Melanie described the hall, with its pillars and rectangular windows, to Chaisley. The ornate architecture on the outside. The marble floors and statues. The lavish chandeliers draped in crystals hanging from the ceiling and the seats covered in velvet. Ordinarily, she would have loved every detail.
But it seemed empty and without life. Like all of Berlin. The weight of something dark and oppressive seemed heavier with every breath.
As they’d navigated the space where she would play, and she’d done an early practice this morning, something within Chaisley balked at doing a concert here.
In the realm of the Nazis.
But she desperately wanted to see Mary Beth and her mother. There had been tickets provided them for tonight. Would they show up?
She made her way down the twenty-nine steps out the frontentrance with Rick and Melanie at her side. “Let’s go. But please drive us around for several minutes, Rick, before we reach our final destination.”
“I have it all planned out.” Rick chuckled. “If someone follows us they will simply think I’m describing the city and points of interest to you.”
“Perfect.” That would make it easier for them to visit the blind school Melanie had found.
Thirty minutes later, she exited the car. Taking a deep breath before entering the door, she put a hand to her stomach and did her best to quell the unease brewing inside.
She’d read the newspapers, heralding the so-called excellent work of the Gestapo in executing “Operation Work Shy.” They had arrested almost ten thousand criminals, vagrants, and “anti-social” people. Whateverthatmeant.
But a letter from one of Dr. Grafton’s contacts informed her that among those arrested had been almost eleven hundred Jews.
