‘Mistake?’ Beth had a lump stuck in her throat as she gazed at her son, fluttering his eyes to a close.
‘No, that’s not what I meant,’ said Spencer quickly. ‘I love him, and I . . . That’s not what I meant at all.’
‘Look, Spence. We’re just co-parenting, right?’ He didn’t reply, so she continued. ‘We don’t have to explain to each other if we want to date. We—’
‘I wasn’t dating. She just spoke to me. I can’t help it.’ He pointed to his head. ‘It’s my hair. It often attracts women. They start talking about Scotland and kilts and . . .’
Beth burst out laughing, flapping one hand in his face. ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled through a giggle. ‘That’s just so funny.’
Spencer frowned, raking his locks with one hand. ‘Glad I amuse you.’ A slow smile built as their eyes met. ‘I don’t want to date anyone, Beth,’ he added quietly.
They stood for a moment in silence, then Beth swallowed hard and gestured up the road. ‘Do you fancy chips now?’
His lips twisted to one side. ‘Hmm.’
They walked along the harbour, Beth pushing the pram, Spencer’s hands shoved into his coat pockets. The wind whipped up the sea as the streetlights came on to guide the way, and all seemed settled again until Beth opened her mouth.
‘I know you said you don’t want to date just yet, but one day you will, so perhaps it’s best I start fixing up my flat now, ready to move back. You’ll want to bring a woman home at some point, and I don’t want to be in the way.’
Spencer grabbed the pram handle, stopping her in her tracks. ‘Whoa! Let’s just get one thing straight right here and now. You are not in my way. I’m not bringing anyone home, and women are the last thing on my mind at the moment. But if you want to go back to yours, then, yeah, sure, I’ll help you decorate. I’ll make sure you and Archie are settled and happy. You two are what’s important in my life.’
Beth took a deep breath. ‘I hate feeling like a burden.’
‘You’re not. I love living with you. I mean, it’s nice having you both around. I just want you to be happy, Beth.’
A beat passed.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked softly.
Annoyed about blondie in the pub, stupid for being jealous.
‘I’m okay. I think we should be more worried about you. I want you to be happy as well.’
‘I’ll be all right.’
‘Do you think Ryan getting hurt was triggering for you?’ Beth shook her head at herself. ‘I sound like Jan now.’
Spencer laughed quietly. ‘Maybe I should speak to her.’
‘Seriously though, Spence. It could be why it’s affecting you so badly.’ He didn’t reply, but his expression held a thousand sad stories, and all Beth could do was reach out and pull him into her arms.
Spencer held her back, and his warmth was so soothing, but she had to stay focused. It wasn’t her turn to be comforted. It was his.
Lightly, Beth stroked circles over his coat with one hand as the other found its way to the back of his neck, resting upon his upturned collar. It was heartbreaking to think of the things he’d been through as a child. How it had stayed deep within him. Perhaps it would be for the best if he spoke to a therapist, but she got the feeling he was the type who liked to figure things out for himself. At least she could help by offering a hug or two when needed, and it was obvious he needed one, especially as he was clinging to her so tightly.
Spencer’s head shifted so their cheeks were touching, but Beth slowly pulled away, as the backflips the butterflies in her stomach were doing was all too much. The last thing she wanted was intimacy attached to pain.
I want to kiss you, Spencer Jordan, but not like this.
She smiled gently as he shoved his hands back in his pockets. ‘Let’s get some dinner and go home. I feel a blanket and film night coming on.’
He nodded slightly. ‘Sounds good.’
Beth motioned to the pram. ‘Do you want to push him?’
‘Sure.’ He placed his hands on the handle, then poked out his elbow, offering his arm.
Beth curled her arm around his and lightly tapped his shoulder with her head before they set off. How on earth was she ever going to go home when she felt she was there already with him?
