This. This was theuncontrollablepassion I’d secretly thought we’d have when we first hooked up.
I drove into her repeatedly, taking out all my frustrationwith ourfucked-uprelationship.Nothing was ever easy for us, and I was sick of it.With every slam intoKrystan’ships, I was washingawaytheoldversionof myself that had beenspineless, useless, and worthless. Power I could only describe as electricity suffused my body with a confidence I’d never dreamed about as I took thewomanI’d wanted more than anythingin my life.
Keening,sheslammed her hips back into me faster just before she broke again. She practically sobbed out my name asshe came. At that, I letgoofthe control I’d been holdingontowith white knuckled grip. BuckingintoKrystan.I shut my eyes tight and burstsof lightexploded behind themas I came.
If I thought I’d been panting when I was donefightingwith the crib, it was nothing compared to my heaving breaths now as I blinked, bringing the plain ugly office into focus.Krystanwasstill splayed outoverthe desk. On shaky arms, she tried topush herselfup. When Islipped out of her, already softening, she let outadisappointedgroan.
For a moment, I thought I was going to pass out, but I took deep breathsuntil mysenseshalf returned.Krystanturned around, hertop still push up over her breastswhich were as red as her right ass cheek. Shelookedas dazed as I felt.I didn’t know what to say. No, I didn’t want to say anything. What just happened had been utterly transforming and perfect.Shewas perfectlyimperfect,and I had been able to access a part of myself I’d neverdreamed of.
“Well damn,” she finally said, breaking the silence.Then we broke into nervous laughter. Shefirstsaton the desk, thenlaid backwith her legshangingover the edge. She was so enticinglyspreadout,the beginningtwitches of another erection coming on. The temptation ofhavinga second gowithhersurprised me,since I was usually a one and done guy.
I couldn’t stop grinning.I couldhaveslayeda hundredmorecrib and fuckedKrystana thousand more times.
Anytime an errant thought about how I’d never get the chance to do this again with herpoppedup, I flicked it aside. Rightnow,I wasinvincible,and nothing could ruin this.
Krystanwas still laughing breathlessly, her eyes closed where she laid back. “Good thing you can’t get me pregnant again.”
Except that.
“What did you say?” The relaxed, post coital bliss that had been steadilythrumming through my body came to a screeching halt.
Krystansat up, her eyes now open and full of fear.
Every muscle in my bodytensed.“The baby is mine?” I said, my voice dangerously low before it came out loud and harsh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I grabbed my pants and began putting them on in jerky movements.Krystanflipped hertopback down which made me even angrier for some reason.
“You lied to me,” I said.
She hurriedly said, “I didn’t exactly lie, you assumed—”
Ipausedbuttoning myjeansto explode. “Bullshit. You wanted me to believe I was nothing. Less than nothing. You’rescared because you’repregnant, I cangetthat. You sure as hell don’t react normally to anything else. But after, when I came back for you because your gran...” I still couldn’t bring myself to say it. “You kept me in the dark.”
Pulling up her own pants,Krystangot a defensive look on her face, but it crumbled under my glower. “I didn’t. I shared more with you than I’veshared withalmostanyone. I bared mynakedunderbelly to you.”
I shook my head and held up a hand. “Don’t act like you did me a favor.You didn’t tell me because you wanted to call all the shots on your own without the inconvenience of someone else’s opinion, feelings, or let’s be honest, support.We are partnersKrystan. We’ve been through the end of the world together. We are business partners, and I’ve stood by you, trying to help you save the house, be useful in this new world, but you don’t want a partner. You want some simpering idiotdickheadto do whatever you tell him.”
I grabbed my shirt, then held it out, pointing it at her accusingly, the hysteria reaching my throat and cresting over into words I never thought I’d say. “Well I’m not him anymore. I’m not going to stand for lapping up whatever scraps you give me andquietly hope you’ll give me more. It’s bullshit.”
“You want to go?” Her voice was low and dangerous. Her eyes were flat as if she knew allalongI would abandon her, butI wasn’t going to let her hold onto hermake-believe story anymore.
“News flash,I never want to go,Krystanbut you’ll only let me in if I do it on your terms and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of your games. You’re so trapped in your own story that you are too dangerous to love, that you make sure to prove it to yourself every goddamn day. Did you think for one second that you might try to be honest with me or treat me like a man instead of your little sidekick?”
Fire blazed in her eyes now, but shock registered behind the flames. Oh good, she was up for a fight now, perfect. “You’d have to act like a man for me to treat you like one,” shefinallysaid.“You slink around likeyou’renot worth anything. How the hell am I supposed to give youself-worth?That’s something you doby yourdamn self. I maynot ever have a healthy relationship,but at least I can stand my own company. I’m confident in who I am, even if that means being confident in how fuckedupI am.”
“You’re confident if you can control everything,” I said, getting in her personal space, baring down on her the way she always did to everyone else. My hand was fisted in my Tee shirt and I was overly aware of her breath coming out in short, angry bursts against mybarechest as she stared up with mewith a haughty look. I wanted to fuck her again.The day had finally come where she’d made me lose my mind.“That is why you are always alone. No relationship can stand yourchokehold. Love can’t be controlled.”
We yelled over one another now, trying to force the otherone to listen.“What the hell are you talking about?”she shouted in my face.
“I love you, goddammit,”I shouted back.
22
My mouth dropped open and I shivered. It felt like someone had opened and window and let in a cold breeze.
“Don’t actsurprised,” Travis growled.“Don’t insult me by pretending you didn’t know.”
I wanted to saysomething,but my brain wasblank,andmymouthhad gonebone-dry.
