My hands gripped her wrists which were tied to the chair arms, my face directly in her face now. I sensed movement from behind me, the menfolk ready to intervene if I tried to choke her to death, which admittedly crossed my mind.
“Soyou decided to do nothing while he opened the gates to hell. Maybe if you had kicked his ass, you could have saved us all this trouble.”
Astrid unflinchingly met my gaze. “I could not turn the heads of my fellow Order members. They did not want to hear me and if Damien discovered I was trying to threaten his leadership, he would have had me killed. I steppedaway to fight another day. Now I’m here cleaning up the mess he left behind.”
Cocking my head to the side,Itightenedmy grip around her wrists.“Soyouare saying you didn’t conjure or control that demon into killing my gran.”
“Like I said, I had nothing to do with your gran being killed. I was trying to destroy the demon when you two stumbled in and ruined mytrap for it, nearly getting all of us killed.”
Her storytracked. I didn’t like it, but the shit she was saying made sense,causing my anger to rise. The prospect of beating her ass down for what happened to my gran had been what was driving me forward. Realizing I wasn’t in the room with my enemy, made me want to scream and throw a fit.
“Krystan,” Travis called to me, but I wasn’t done with the silent pissing match Astrid and I were playing. “Krystan, give it a rest.”
Stepping back, I didn’t break eye contact with her.She mightnot be responsible for my gran’s death, but Istill didn’ttrust her.To me, the Tenebrae were as evil as the nasties we were called to exterminate.
“You say you have been hunting the demon,” Gregory said. “What have you learned?”
“If I tell you, you are going to end up like everyone else,” she said, duty infused her voice like a good little soldier. I went to stand next to Travis,rollingmy eyes.
Gregory gave her a half smile as Phillip interlaced his fingers together. “My dear, I don’t believe you know who we are,” said Phillip.
“Perhaps I don’t know who you are,” she said raising an eyebrow at Phillip before her gazefell on me and Travis again. “But those two are a coupleofrankamateurswho run around pretending to be vigilantes.”
Travis’s teeth ground audiblynext to me.
“Takes one to know one, honey,” I shot back.
Phillip’s serene expression never altered. “You are in the house of Veritas and that man over there is a Chevalier from the Order ofLuxis.”
Astrid’s eyes widened as she looked back and forth between the two men, regarding them with new interest. “I thought all the Chevalier were dead. Is he truly one of the Knights of theLight?”Her voice was full of fear and awe.
Gregory nodded.“I lost my powers long ago, but yes, I am a Chevalier as he says.”
I wasn’t about to volunteer the fact there were still two other Chevaliers running around somewhere, Leonidas and Gatsby. She didn’t need to know more than was necessary.
She eyeballed Phillip and Gregory as if trying to ascertain if they were lying. After several long minutes,Astrid’s shoulders dropped a few inches as if fully succumbing to her situation.“The demon can amplify our deepest fears and traumas. TheJapanese speak of this demon,they call it aShinigami.”
Hands still folded together, Phillip nodded, soaking in the information like a computer.
“Whatever traumas you have survived, whatever dark ego-driven thoughtsare simmering at the back of your mind,the evil spirit brings to the forefront until you are consumed by your own darkness. Then the Shinigami invites you to your own death, feeding upon the sacrifice of your life. Its nearly impossible not to heed its call.”
I suppressed a shudder. I had lived through a bunch of fucked up shit, but never did I consider suicide beforelast night. Astrid described it as an invitation to my own death, which perfectly captured it.
“Death by rumination?” Phillip said.
She nodded.
I turned to Travis and mouthed rumination, not getting it.
Phillip caught my confusion. “We as humans can fixate on our problems,effectively making them far worse by trying to pick things apart. Why do I feel this way, why aren’t I happy? Let me think of all the reasons that would be making me feel this way. While they believe they are directing their thoughts toward solving and controlling theirproblems, they are, instead, feeding the darkness.Putting all their attention on what is wrong. Peoplecanoverwhelm themselves with judgement and come up with more problems than they started with.Rumination is essentially a mental quicksand. The more you fight it, the faster you sink.It is why meditation is a highly respected method of fighting anxiety and depression.Instead of stewing in those thoughts, we must practice separating from the little voice in our head and refrain from judging whatever thoughts arise.”
This is exactly why I preferred a night out on the town drinking and dancing when I felt demons nipping at my heels. I never gave them the chance to get me.
“What, did you get a PhD in psychology or something?” I asked.
“A PhD?” Phillip looked like he was trying to suppress a smile. “No, only aMaster'sdegree I’m afraid.”
I grumbled something about theboujielifestyle of the Veritas before Astrid continued her story.“For a while, I did not understand how it was moving about the city or pickingits targets, but when I tracked it to your grandmother’s house, I finally understood.”
