“Oh gods.” Calan lowered his weapon, his mouth dropping open.
My hands flew up to cover my mouth as I took in the massacre.
Snarp lifted his gray head from the mess of plastic wrappers and pecked half-heartedly at the white cream covering his feathers. His head matched the sugary mess that was the rest of his body. Snarp laid on his back as if in on his deathbed of pecked-at sponge cake.
“How in the hell did you get past the childproof lock?” I asked, rushing forward.
We kept three boxes of snack cakes in that cabinet. Between Travis stealing multiple packages every time he was over and needing essentially a treasure trove to bribe Snarp into good behavior, we were stocked. It looked like Snarp had pecked through two boxes before collapsing.
“You better not die or you are going to be in serious trouble, mister,” I said, gently picking up Snarp.
“Should we get him help?” Calan asked.
“And tell the veterinarian what? Our demon bird gorged himself on Twinkies? No way.” I couldn’t tell if I was more upset that Snarp almost escaped his bird-shaped prison, or because he was in pain.
“Sweet deathssss, sweetest sweetss deaath,” he mumbled incoherently like he was riding the high of his life into the great beyond.
As soon as I set the feathered demon in his cage, he let out a tremendous belch then rolled until he could get to his feet. The little guy swayed from side to side until he toppled back over. It took him two more tries but he managed to fly up to a perch and fluffed up his feathers, settling in for a nap. Seemed like the bird would live to see another day despite Snarp’s best intentions.
Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “Looks like he’s going to live. Let’s get him to Krystan’s.”
I couldn’t help but think about Lucas and his demon dog as we gathered all of Snarp’s necessities. Guess we weren’t the only ones with a demonic pet. As much as Snarp annoyed the bageezus out of me, I’d had to admit I’d grown used to him. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him or for anyone to take him away either. But that being said, a teenage boy trying to train a demon dog seemed like a recipe for disaster. Assuming he didn’t give us a fake name, I would track him down to keep tabs on him and his fanged friend.
When I slammed shut the car door, Snarp and his cage all loaded up. Snarp asked in a higher than normal pitch, bordering on panic, “Where are you taking meeesss?”
Twisting in my seat to face him, I explained, “Calan and I are getting married in a couple days and then we’re going on our honeymoon. You are going to stay with Krystan and Travis until we get back.”
“Noooosss mistress. Noooosss.”
“Snarp, we can’t take you to the Bahamas with us and it’s only for a little while,” I reasoned. Regina and Phillip had sprung for an all-inclusive resort for our honeymoon. At first, we’d thought it an incredibly generous gift, but in hindsight I could see the countless strings tied to it. Even so, a tropical honeymoon sounded like bliss and well worth any current wedding planning pains. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d taken a vacation. Vegas, with Krystan, right after we’d both turned twenty one. We’d flown to Vegas and had a relaxing weekend laying by a pool during the day and partying at night. But that was years, heck, a lifetime ago.
“I'll starvesss,” Snarp continued to complain.
I made a pained expression at Calan who’d gotten in the car. “How could he possibly be thinking of food after all that?”
Calan turned the key over, usually the one to drive us to the purple house. It was a short, easy distance for Calan who was still learning to drive, having only ever made portals to travel in the past. He was learning fast now that we had a vehicle of our own.
“Demons have a one-track mind,” he said with a shrug, pulling out of the parking spot.
He wasn’t wrong. Snarp was willing kill himself via his favorite treat just so he could escape to a larger body he could control. Then he would shovel down even more snack cakes until that body gave out then presumably continue the cycle.
A loud pitch screech had me clapping my hands over my ears. “Calm down, you won’t starve,” I snapped at the whining bird. My concern had evaporated, and irritation settled in its place. It was just a dumb demon. Why did I care what happened to his evil beak-face?
The bird squawked the entire drive over. Thankfully it was a relatively quick trip.
When we got to Krystan’s house, I texted I was there in case the baby was sleeping.
She came to the door in booty shorts showing off her impossibly long, white legs, along with one of Travis’ metal band Tees. I was amazed to see she still managed to put on thick black eyeliner. Granted, they were wobbly lines as if done by a rushed or tired hand, but she still had on her warpaint. Krystan held a sleeping Tristan whose little face was wrinkled up he were wrapped up in an incredibly important and serious affair in his dreams. God, the kid was getting cuter by the minute.
“What’s up hot mama?” I grinned.
Krystan pulled me in for a half hug so as not to crush Tristan then waved Calan inside, telling him to set the cage on the credenza in the dining room.
“Thank you again for doing this,” I said.
“Whoah, are you alright?” Krystan asked, peering at my neck. There were bruise marks from where that damned thing’s hands almost crushed my windpipe before Lucas’ “pet” saved me.
As my manager, Krystan was unhappy to hear about the close call. “Should I be worried? I know we risk a lot on the job, but as a team we usually walk away with minimal damage. Maybe you guys should take a break until we can all be on board together.” Under her breath she added, “It is especially isn’t worth dying considering what we were paid by the school district.”
