Kay smacked Michael’s chest even as her cheeks reddened. “Don’t put them on the spot like that, Michael. It’s rude.”
Michael shrugged. “What? It’s just a question people ask.”
“It’s fine. About four months.” Vivien licked her lips. She tried to play it cool, but I could sense her growing uneasy. “Though it feels longer.”
Kay shed her self-consciousness about the questions and jumped in. “Oh, I know the feeling. After only a few days, I knew Michael was the only one for me.” She laid a hand over his heart, pressing against his side. “And I can tell you two have that special spark like we had. Not everyone has it, but you can tell when some couples are meant to be.”
When I thought of the future, traveling through the ages with Vivien, my chest tightened with anticipation. That deep hunger inside me made itself known again.
Michael covered Kay’s hand with his own and dropped a kiss on her head with an affectionate smile.
My hunger doubled down, even as Vivien shifted back and forth on her heels in obvious discomfort.
I was careful not to move. Not to make any expression that might spook Vivien.
I would do anything to possess Vivien’s heart, to have all of her. But she wasn’t ready to give it to me. And there was nothing I could do about it. The pleasantness of the evening crumbled into dust as the uncertainty of my position with Vivien plagued me again.
After saying our goodbyes, Vivien and I headed toward the car. I’d parked it on the far end of the lot, and it had filled up since we arrived.
“You’re upset,” Vivien said in a quiet voice.
“Of course not.” But even I could hear the stiffness in my tone.
“I’m not holding back because I want to hurt you,” she said, defensiveness creeping in.
“Then you are holding back because you are unsure,” I stated.
She stopped cold, forcing me to do so as well. “You think I want someone else?”
Slowly, I turned toward her. “I think you like to keep your options open.”
“Maybe I do, but that’s not a bad thing. I’ve avoided relationships and serious attachments since my parents died.”
I slipped my hands into my pockets, attempting to remain reasonable. “And how long shall I wait for you, while you have one foot out the door?”
“What are you talking about? I live with you. I’m not moving out anytime soon,” she said, flinging her arms out in frustration.
My words turned into a growl, despite myself. I pulled my hands back out of my pockets, feeling constrained. “I love you, Vivien, and you claim to want to say it back to me, but it’s what you do that counts. Not what you promise. Day in and out, I hear souls plead with me, claiming that they meant to do better or different, but in the end they are judged by what they do.”
Her green eyes flashed a warning. “Are you seriously comparing me to one of the fucked-up souls you judge? Am I on par with a child-murderer because I won’t tell you what you want to hear? Is that what you’re telling me?”
I took a calm breath, speaking in a controlled manner once more. “Saying you will do something and actually committing are two entirely different things. Thinking I’ll be satisfied with your intent, without expecting me to want more, is...unrealistic.”
The fight deflated out of her, but she turned back on the defensive. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears of frustration as she hugged herself. “God, I just need more time. It’s all I ask for. And that should be the easiest ask, considering you and I have forever.”
My hands alternately flexed and balled into fists. “That’s exactly the issue, Vivien. We have all the time in the world, which means pain and uncertainty can last as long. Your uncertainty. My pain.”
“I don’t mean to cause you pain,” she said, her voice turning small.
I wrapped my arms around her. “I know you don’t. But do you mean to say that if we were mortal, you would tell me you feel the same? Because if that were the case, I’d trade my godhood in an instant. Just to have all of you.” I laid my head in the crook of her neck.
I felt her swallow against me.
My intent hadn’t been to guilt her. Even if she said it now, the words I so dearly wanted to hear, I’d feel I’d coerced her into it. Not that I felt in danger of making her do anything she didn’t want to do.
Still, I needed to end the conversation before more harm was done. So I stuffed the feelings deep down inside and straightened. Vivien continued to rub her bare arms, and I realized she didn’t have Cookie Monster with her.
“Wait here, I’ll get your coat. You must have left it inside.”
