“Excuse me?”
I adjusted my cufflinks. “You’ve done more than enough. You’ve been put under a great deal of stress. I’ve tasked you with trying to track down the culprit behind this insidious mess so I could focus on reaping. But you are not a god, and you need time to find grounding in your new life.”
She reared back as though I’d slapped her. “What the hell is this? Are you saying you want to go on a break?”
“No,” I said slowly. “I simply think you need time to adjust to your circumstances, and you haven’t had time to do that. Not with chasing around false leads and being entrenched in immortal business.”And too much time in my bed, I added in my mind. Perhaps I was no better than Qwynn, wanting Vivien all to myself with such fierce possession, that I forewent consideration of her true needs.
Vivien’s words came out colder than ice as she tightened her hands into fists. “Is this because of her?”
“It is,” I said with absolute honesty. Moving toward Vivien, I couldn’t help but slide my fingers along the soft skin of her jaw line until I cupped her face. She looked up at me with an intense mixture of frustration and hurt. “Our relationship has been like an asteroid hitting the atmosphere. I think we both require perspective. I need you to make sure this is what you want.”
One of her hands covered mine. “Of course you are what I want.”
“I love you,” I said, giving her yet another chance.
Her lips parted, and I knew she wanted to say it back.
But whether she wanted to say it because she felt it, or out of obligation, I didn’t know.
If I didn’t spend every moment doting on her, and gave her space to breathe, she might not feel the same. It felt as though my heart were being ripped from my chest to think about, but I knew I had to give her the choice.
As if reading my thoughts, she said, “I chose you when I was just a kid. I promised to walk by your side.”
Indeed, when her parents died, I happened to be nearby. Young Vivien saw through me to the loneliness I bore. I escorted souls to the afterlife so they would not be afraid. And young Vivien vowed to walk with me so I would never be alone.
I did believe that her promise set the universe in motion to bring us together again. “You were a child. A child with a big heart.” I brushed her cheek with my thumb. Then I released her to step back. “But this may not be the end of the story. Perhaps this is just the beginning. I fear my constant attention does not allow you to be yourself or follow your path. I am predisposed to control, and I’m aware enough to know that I bring a level of intensity that can be smothering to others.”
It pained me more than I could say. Loosening my grip on the only one I ever loved with every ounce of my being. Though part of me broke at having to let her step away from this hot fire crackling between us, I knew it was the right thing to do. Or I’d lose myself again. I’d been blinded by need and obsession for Qwynn. I hadn’t seen her for what she was. I feared doing the same to Vivien, not seeing what she truly needed because of my own selfish need for her.
The pain I caused by trying to hold us in a tight, unyielding grip would only lead to more anguish.
Vivien stared at me with an inscrutable expression for several long beats.
Finally she spoke, her voice small and vulnerable. “No one has ever loved me the way that you have. No one has allowed me to be so unapologetically myself and loved me so deeply and intensely. I’m not afraid of your intensity. I’m afraid of losing you because I can’t give you what you want fast enough.”
Then she crossed the distance between us, her eyes glittering with unshed tears. “Please don’t push me away. I promise I only need time. I’m not used to this. And as for the chase, it’s what I lived for before I was turned immortal. I can’t disconnect from this, and I don’t want to. And I don’t want to disconnect from you. Can I please just have time? I know how it hurts you. I know every time I don’t say it, I cause you pain. But I—I can’t just yet. Give me more time, Grim.”
More time. All too often had I been asked to give more time. More chances. And I’d learned long ago that meant more opportunities to wound and disappoint.
But this was Vivien. She never uttered an untruth. I believed in her. More than anyone before.
I covered her mouth with mine, parting her lips with my tongue so I could taste her. The relief that broke through me flooded my system. Holding her tight to my body, I knew no matter how much I tried to give her space, I couldn’t. She was life to me. Without her, I could not be complete. Death needed life, just as life needed death.
She clung to me as if afraid I’d let her go.
The sensation lancing my heart entwined with the love I felt for Vivien. I nuzzled her neck and assured her. “We have all the time in the world.”
Even if my eternity with her held pain and rejection, I’d have to find some way to be satisfied with whatever Vivien gave me.
9
Vivien
“What exactly are we doing here, again?” Miranda asked me the next evening.
I led her through the industrial warehouse. The smell of cardboard and dust on the abandoned machines hung in the air.
“You are helping me secure a valuable item,” I explained for the fourth time.
