“I did,” I confirmed, interlacing my fingers around my cup. Then my phone vibrated against the table. I picked it up to find a picture of Jamal with a toothy smile, arm flung over one of his camp friend’s shoulders. Another couple of pictures followed. The counselors led them on a sunrise hike, and Jamal took photos of mountains backed by brilliant purples and shocking oranges as the sun appeared over the horizon.
My heart squeezed hard. I missed my little man, but it was great to see him having such a good time.
“And. . .?” Vivien tried to dig in, forcing me to put my phone back down. “You aren’t going to share details?” Vivien's brows furrowed, her eyes scanning my face acting like magnets attempting to draw out my secrets
“Are you okay with it?” she asked in a sincere, low voice.
I shrugged. “I’m fine.” Strange feelings rioted in my chest. The replay of Xander’s death began to start up again in my brain. A mixture of pain and gratitude etched into his sharp, beautiful features. The unnamed chemistry that lingered in between as he studied my mouth in those last moments.
Aaron and Vivien exchanged a look. “You are definitely not okay,” Vivien countered.
Maybe that’s because I killed a god, my brain informed me.
Rude. I was just trying to make everything normal. Why was my brain a traitor?
I brushed the thought away like a buzzing fly. “It’s fine. Like Grim said, I understand duty. Duty to honor the mantle of Bob’s responsibilities.”
“Bob?” Aaron asked, rearing back.
“The Blade of Bane,” I explained. “Their nickname is Bob.”
“Their, not his?” A line formed between Aaron’s brows.
“Bob is a nonbinary blade,” Vivien chimed in. “So we use gender-neutral pronouns.”
Vampire or not, Vivien got me. She went on. “So you respect your duty to Bob to slay gods as fairly as possible. It doesn’t mean you aren’t shaken.”
I was shaken. Killing someone wasn’t a small thing, no matter how much I tried to rationalize it. No matter how much he wanted it. It sat heavy in my gut.
A wave of queasiness washed over me, twisting my stomach into knots. I left him there, slumped on the ground. Alone.
In that moment, I longed for some of Vivien’s playfulness. If I could combat the trash feelings churning inside me with a lighthearted, err, bloodthirsty pillow fight, maybe I’d feel better. But I left the playing to Jamal. I got a kind of vicarious fun from watching him animatedly play video games or talk about the basketball game he played at school that day.
Between living through him for fun and Vivien for her sex life, I started to wonder when I was living for myself.
You had that bubble bath last night,I tried to argue with myself.
Yeah right. Despite my claim to Xander, my bath time had been far from perfect. I couldn’t even wind down enough to enjoy the few minutes I had before I was called to work. I all but leapt at an opportunity to have a mission of some kind.
I’d almost think I needed a vacation, but I wouldn’t even know where to go or what to do.
“Miranda, just the person I want to see,” a British voice announced behind me.
I knew who it was before I turned. If not for the voice, Aaron’s eyes rounded and went glassy as if looking upon a prime A-grade steak. He all but drooled, hungrily.
I twisted around to face Timothy. The man’s style was as fierce as it was flawless. Like all the gods, he was painfully beautiful from his high cheekbones to his long dexterous fingers. Timothy tried to keep his dark, narrow eyes averted from Aaron, but the magnetism was always palpable when they got within striking distance of each other. The uptight god and the surfer bro human. I guess opposites do attract.
“What do you need?” I asked. In a few minutes, I planned to head to the security office to start my duties for the day.
“A word, alone.” He stressed the last word for Vivien’s sake. She leaned back in her chair and sucked vindictively on her frozen coffee, hating to be left out of things.
Timothy studiously ignored both her and Aaron. I gave my two best friends a nod before following the god of literature, science, and wisdom.
He led me across the lobby, ensuring we wouldn’t be seen or overheard. Timothy’s question came out with a held breath. “We need you to do it again.”
“Do what?” I asked.
“Kill Xander.”
