“There aren’t many familiars, just like there aren’t many fae. Our numbers are few,” Aoiki clarified.
“And we like to keep to ourselves.” Echo announced.
“Speak for yourself,” Aoiki muttered while sharing a look with Sunny, making me think her girlfriend had similar feelings. Her mother sent her a sharp look. Echo barked words in a language I couldn’t even begin to identify.
Aoiki’s eyes dropped to the ground, but I doubted she’d stay quiet on whatever disagreement they were in for long.
“What makes you think my judgement is so great?” What with Bianca urging me to stop killing Xander as it will bring about the end of the world, and my feelings for Xander, I felt more unsure than ever. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I confessed.
Echo squinted one eye at me, studying me closely. Or perhaps trying to see into the secrets of my heart. Who knows all that she is capable of.
“Before you even set foot in here, I knew everything about you there is to know, on paper that is.”
By the glint in Echo’s eye, I suspected she knewmuchmore than just paper judging by the monitors on the wall.
“I calculate, I see patterns, behavior, and trends. I know you, Miranda. You will make the right decision.”
I finally gave into my instinct, sliding down to the floor to pet Lulu who happily crawled right into my lap for more affection. For some reason that made me want to cry. “Is this the part where you tell me to trust my gut?” My voice was hoarse.
“No,” Echo snapped. “You do not make decisions from the gut. You make your decisions like this one does,” she jerked her head toward Vivien. My vampire friend froze petting Darth Vader to pay attention, as if she were an escaping convict caught in a spotlight.
The tight muscles in Echo’s generous jaw line relaxed as she leaned in. “With your heart.”
The soft long ears slid between my fingers as Lulu set her head on my thigh, leaning into my touch. “You want me to follow my heart? Like this whole thing is a Disney movie?”
Bob snorted. I wasn’t even going to begin to ask how the hell he got my reference. When did French-accented swords get a chance to binge Disney movies?
No, I was too caught up on the hard reality of my situation. Extracting myself from the sweet rabbit, I rose to my feet. “You want me to follow my heart? When my whole job is literally to kill others? How in the ever loving fuck weasels am I supposed to do that? Killing and love have nothing to do with each other.” My voice had reached a frenzied peak.
“Love?” Vivien echoed. Her eyes were fastened to my face, as if stunned to find something there she hadn’t noticed before.
My stomach dropped out from my body with a hundred-mile whoosh. What the fuck did I just let slip out? Did I really say that? “Heart. I mean heart,” I corrected far too adamantly and far too late.
Then Vivien and the others averted their gaze as if trying to give me a private moment, which only served to further wash me in my shame.
Love? Was I serious? That was ridiculous. I didn’t love him.
I was just lonely, and desperate for some physical connection. Yeah, that’s it. I went on one bad date, and it made Xander more attractive. But only temporarily.
The amount of deep, soul moving connection, and excitement I felt when it came to fighting and flirting with Xander had nothing to do with anything. That was a childish notion, and I left childish things behind me when I gave birth to one.
But why the hell would I saythat? The ‘L’ word? Is it because I felt I met my match?
Wow, Miranda, we think highly of ourselves, don’t we? Our only equal could be a god?
But something in my gut pulsated with an undeniable knowing.
I couldn’t shake how Xander listened to my child from a scant few minutes of conversation and then went to the lengths to set up a ridiculous board game, to help me havefun. Even if it had been an abysmal failure, the thought he put into it had rocked me. And then he unearthed something far more vital. The sexy, unrestrained woman I wanted to be.
Every time I visited him, he cracked me open a little more. He was fearless in the face of my strength, something that had intimidated others. Rashon, my first husband, had always tiptoed around me whenever I was 'on edge', but not Xander. He leaned into my intensity, eagerly craving more.
But it wasn’t just about what he did for me. Whenever his god-like facade cracked, Xander’s vulnerability peeked through, humanizing him in ways I never expected. The dry humor that laced his words, even in the midst of his darkest moments, struck a chord in me, revealing a wit and resilience that I found irresistibly compelling. I craved those glimpses of his genuine self.
Despite his pain, or maybe because of it, Xander’s character shone brightly, raw and unabashed. He was a raging storm, yet he had an inexplicable calming effect on me, like the eye of the storm - still and serene amidst the chaos. The raw honesty of his struggle resonated within me, a poignant melody to my own inner battles.
He was a whirlwind of chaos and pain, yet in those moments, I found myself drawn even closer to him. I felt an inexplicable desire to soothe his torment, to stand by him in his battle, to become his rock.
It had grown beyond mere attraction; it was a connection that penetrated deeper, into the very core of my being.
