THE BADASS
Even in Xander’s arms, the stress didn’t leave my body. I stayed partially aware, afraid I’d forget he was really alive. I needed to keep a part of my consciousness on to cling to that fact.
If we had left off like that. . .if he hadn’t healed and woken up. It would have been like being stuck inside a nightmare. My heart thudded dully, grief still welling inside me though he was fine.
I suddenly understood Vivien better when she lost her shit over Grim getting hurt. He was a god, he couldn’t die. Or not in the conventional ways. But while immortals were used to the occasional stab wound or car explosion, my human brain wasn’t conditioned to be ‘okay’ with it. Everything in me had twisted up in sickening knots.
Xander was awake and whole, but my brain and body wouldn’t calm down.
At one point, I felt Xander pick me up and move us onto something soft and comfortable. Exhausted and tense, I couldn’t force myself awake for what felt like a long time. I only cracked open a lid when I no longer felt the warmth of his embrace.
“Xander,” I cried out in a panic, jerking up, my eyes flew wide. I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing, or figure out where I was, at first. Then everything slowly came into focus.
I sat up on a massive bed in a huge rocky cavernous grotto. Several pools of water reflected against the stone walls with a magical shimmer of light. The room was lit by soft, warm torches that cast dancing shadows across the walls, somehow creating a cozy, intimate feel in the cavernous space.
I breathed in the scent of the warm, humid air, and my eyes drank in the beauty of the many pools, each one unique in its shape and size. Some were small and circular, while others were long and winding, stretching off into the distance like a river. The pools were filled with crystal-clear water.
I slipped out of the bed, covered in supremely soft white sheets. My bare feet met rocky ground, but it was smooth and somehow warm. I only wore my camisole and panties. My clothes were neatly folded in a pile by the bed.
The walls of the grotto were rough-hewn and uneven, giving the space an ancient, timeless feel. And yet, despite the ruggedness of the stone, the entire space was infused with a sense of tranquility and peace.
As I walked around, I could hear the sound of water trickling from a nearby waterfall. The sound was soothing, and it drew me closer until I was standing in front of it, watching as the water cascaded down over the rocks and into the pool below.
An inexplicable warmth crept over my shoulders, the distinct signature of Xander’s presence. I swiveled around. His gaze was a penetrating mix of shadow and fire, casting sparks that caused the very air to bristle with energy. Yet, in this tranquil space, he seemed strangely soft, his strength manifesting as a protective veil rather than a threatening force.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. Apology was etched deeply in his eyes as his fists closed and relaxed repeatedly, like he needed to let off nervous energy.
The need to throw myself into his arms was overwhelming, but I was so thrown by my surroundings that I crossed my arms over my body. “A little cold, but I’m okay.”
I hadn’t been cold when he’d been in bed with me. And some part of me recognized the temperature of my body was directly related to the stress I’d been undergoing lately. If I didn’t watch it, I was going to get sick. When I was younger and I got too stressed out, I’d get colds. But I’d learned to manage my emotions so well, I hadn’t been sick in many years.
Xander took my wrist, unfurling my arms. “Come here,” he said.
And like a little idiot, I went with him, following the beast to wherever he led.
I was guided up to one of the medium sized pools. With a push from his thumbs, his pants slid off his hips and puddled on the ground at his feet. Then he stepped into the water and it instantly began to bubble as if jets had been turned on.
God, he was fucking beautiful. My scarred, broken god. Regret and pain radiated from his eyes, as his face shone with hope that I would follow him in.
I shouldn’t forgive him. I should stick Bob right in his heart and stomp away. But I’d been broken down into little pieces when I’d— Jesus, I could barely say it in my mind—chopped his head off.
It really put the horror in horrible.
His hand stretched out toward me, inviting me to join without pressing the issue. It was my choice.
I slipped mine into his before stepping into the water, not bothering to take off my garments.
A smile flickered at the corner of his lips. Gorgeous bastard. I shouldn’t give him relief after what he put me through, but it was more like I couldn’t deny myself comfort. And the hot water lapping against my legs instantly made me feel better. I followed him further in until I could crouch down and the water line stopped at my neck. It was like some giant, ancient hot spring and I instantly felt soothed by the heat working its way through my muscles.
Xander watched me carefully, slowly approaching, neck deep as well. His hands wrapped around my waist, and he floated me until my back was pressed against the pool wall.
His gaze dropped to my lips, leaning in but giving me plenty of time to protest. Plenty of time to shove him back, call him a monster, and storm out of here. I didn’t though. I told myself again, I needed, no, Ideservedthe comfort.
Xander kissed me so tenderly, my toes curled, and my heart swelled. His mouth opened and slanted against mine, filling unexpected parts of me with his depths. He kissed me like. . .like he loved me.
But I knew it was just an apology. An immortal couldn’t love a mortal, I told myself. Just like Candy Land, I was a game. I may be his favorite game, but a game none the less. I melted, letting his kiss wash over me, feeling my heart ache with the longing I’d been trying so hard to suppress. I knew it was wrong to let him touch me, wrong to let myself be vulnerable to him again, but I couldn’t help it. The warmth of his lips, the heat of his body, all of it was too much to resist. I wanted him, needed him, despite everything that had happened.
Xander deepened the kiss, exploring my mouth with his tongue, his hands roaming over my body as if he couldn’t get enough of me. I moaned, my body responding to his touch, despite the doubts that lingered in my mind.
