Despite Bob’s childlike whines, his words struck me in the heart, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. So, I took Bob’s hilt from Xander while the god urged me on silently, and everyone stood there waiting for me. My throat tightened, and my chest felt heavy.
Xander tried to comfort me, saying, “It’s okay, sweetheart,” with a crooked smile that held both swagger and resignation.
I knew Xander would wake up again, and I would have to kill him again. Each time, he would be closer to his final death until it was the last time.
Vivien was right. He was less powerful than before. The city hadn’t been plagued by brownouts. He didn’t mutilate himself or lose control. But I was only one piece of this decision, and I was judging it with my heart.
In a raspy voice, I replied, “Wish granted,” and then stabbed him in the heart, in front of the other immortals. Every part of me iced over as I made myself cold to his death, to his fate, and my hand in it.
My job had gone from helping an immortal find relief from an eternity of pain to killing someone I loved. And right now, it was me who was dying inside.
ChapterThirty
THE BEAST
It has been two days. Two near eternal days since Miranda killed me, or even fucking showed up.
I hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten, I hadn’t even gone back down to my chambers. I simply stalked the bars of my cage back and forth, minute after minute, hour after hour, waiting for her. My angel of death.
Without an explanation of her absence, I wracked my brain for a suitable substitute. Is this because she didn’t forgive me for forcing her to decapitate me? Is this because she saw another side of me, and she couldn’t stand me now?
I thought turning into my godlikeness and losing control in front of her was a vulnerability I couldn’t bear. But taking her into my inner sanctum and experiencing bliss with her in my bed, in my personal springs where no other being visited, had been a whole new level of vulnerability for me.
Or was this a rebellion against Grim’s judgement and my desires? Was she flat out going to defy the death order?
Was she right? The blade had killed off so much of my excess power, I felt almost...normal.
Whatever that was.
It was a time where I was a powerful god, in control of my faculties.
It felt far away now, but I knew the times I’d sparred with Miranda, the times we’d played our games, I’d exhibited a control I couldn’t remember having. She truly was safe with me. The need to protect and be with her magnetized my shattered pieces, bringing me into a new kind of wholeness. They didn’t fit together like pieces of a puzzle; it was a clump of shards. Was that enough? Was that enough for an existence?
But an existence without Miranda—I was falling apart at the very idea.
I thought living in pain and power was hell, but it was nothing compared to this new prospect. Living an eternity, being denied death, and never seeing Miranda again.
I’d be trapped down here, thinking of her sweet taste, her seductive eyes, her strength and softness. I’d be haunted by her, yet never getting to see her again.
My hands trembled violently as emotion surged in me. I’d been teetering on a thin edge, but my control snapped like a brittle twig. A roar exploded from my chest and throat as the lights blew in a tremendous display of sparks.
Images of Miranda taunting me from outside the bars, continually walking away to the elevator to leave played on repeat. My skin thickened with rage and blue energies surrounded me as I was stuck in the loop of pain and rejection.
I needed her. I fucking needed her now.
If I could just get to the other side of the bars, I’d grab her, shake sense into her. Tell her she can never leave again. Not until I was dead.
She could dance on my bones. She could carve out my face.
Thoughts jumbled and jammed together as my vision filled with flickering hallucinations of black sands, harsh sunlight, and all-consuming darkness.
Something let out a roar exactly like mine from nearby. Or was that me?
Bars bent under my strength, freeing me from my confines. I exploded forward like a cannon ball.
The hot black sands of Egypt, my homeland, scorched the soles of my feet. Bright lights and screaming sirens and horns assaulted my senses.
Words tumbled out of my mouth, but they were other words from the other people, the power of other gods. They were all here, crowding me out, threatening to explode my brains.
