“I know,” I replied, my voice a broken whisper. “We get more time now. We get to have more time. You changed your mind. This can’t count.”
Wetness covered my cheeks as my tears spilled uncontrollably. This couldn’t be it. This was a nightmare too. It was a mistake. I needed to take it back. Oh god, why couldn’t I take it back? It was only a short while ago Why couldn't I reach back just a little and take it back? A sob wracked my body as I clutched at Xander.
“But you. . .you’ll still live . . .” His hand weakly reached out, brushing against my cheek.
His hand fell away, his eyes losing their spark. His chest heaved one last time before falling still. The unkillable god who had once been too powerful, too vibrant, lay lifeless in my arms.
A deafening silence filled the room. I clutched Xander’s form to me, a raw, deep pain tearing through my heart. I had killed him, night after night, chipping away at his power, at his life force. And now, in a cruel twist of fate, I had delivered the final blow once he’d decided to live.
The sound of Jamal’s quiet sobs filtered through to my ears. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t. I still didn’t know what he was doing here, but he knew his mother had been about to kill him before a stranger jumped in and sacrificed himself. I held Xander closer.
Two words kept circling my brain, taunting me, shredding any remaining pieces of my heart.
Game over.
ChapterThirty-Three
THE BADASS
The next couple days were a blur. Half clouded by grief, half from the cold medicine I was taking.
It turned out someone had contacted Jamal’s camp, posing as me, insisting Jamal needed to return home because of a family emergency. Whoever had called had even sent a plane ticket and instructions for Jamal’s trek home.
My kid’s plane landed late, but I’d supposedly even arranged for a rideshare. When Jamal let himself in the house with his key, he found his mother charging at him with a sword. Xander had awoken and had gotten up to look for me just as Jamal arrived. Seeing what I was about to do, he jumped in between us, taking the killing blow.
I’d numbly managed to call Timothy who said he’d be right over and not to move.
Jamal apologized over and over again, his backpack still on and luggage by the door. My heart broke further. None of this was his fault. He didn’t know who Xander was but that didn’t matter. He still thought it was his fault Xander died.
I took Jamal into his bedroom and tried to explain as best I could who Xander was. An immortal I had tried to help, who I cared about very much. Then I had the even tougher job of explaining my nightmares and the sleepwalking. I was adamant that I would never knowingly hurt him.
“I’m sorry I came home early,” Jamal sniffed as he cried. I heard the front door open and the sounds of many feet and shuffling. Timothy had arrived with help, to clean up. The thought made me sick.
I pulled Jamal tightly into my arms, my head lightheaded from the cold medicine, and fighting back tears. “Oh baby, never apologize for coming home. You should always feel safe to come home. I—I don’t know what happened.”
And I didn’t. But I was going to find the fuck out.
Uncle Javier was over a lot after that. He’d been one of the ones to show up at my house that night along with Timothy to clean up. He came to me and asked methequestion, once Jamal was out of earshot.
“You steady?”
The lump in my throat almost kept me from answering. “No. I’m not steady.”
He nodded and squeezed my hand. Then just like the last time, he showed up at my house the next morning to make coffee, eggs, and bacon. He played video games with Jamal while I rested in bed, still sick and grief stricken. I was so very grateful for Javier. He wasn’t just a friend. He was family and he acted like it. I’d die for him back in the day and I still would today.
I still kept Bob nearby out of habit though I half hated him. He did his best to cheer me up and reiterate it wasn’t my fault. And that at least we don’t have to kill anyone. I didn’t have a lot to say to him.
It took days longer than I planned, but when I was well enough I set up a meeting. Six am sharp, I arrived at Perkatory, to get my to-go mug filled with a strong americano.
I hadn’t brought Aaron up to speed, but based on his soft, pitying expression and saying my coffee was on the house was all I needed to know Vivien spilled everything.
She’d forgone baby vamp duty as much as she could to come be with me. It wasn’t that long ago our roles were reversed.
But she wasn’t the one I asked to meet with this morning.
Timothy slipped into the seat across from me. He wore a dark purple suit today. Stress and responsibility pulled at the lines around his eyes.
“I’m so sorry Miranda. I never wanted it to happen like that,” he started.
