Ahead, a massive shadow loomed, its outline unmistakable even in the dim light. Sheshem rummaged through a dumpsterwith a voracious appetite. The sight of the deity, feasting on leftover pancakes and shrimp from the trash, was both surreal and pitiful.
We were once gods that ruled the lands and all humans. Now, Sheshem was a dumpster cat, and I couldn’t seduce the only woman in the world that mattered. Pathetic.
Miranda moved with stealth, drawing her blade with silent precision. She was a warrior in her element, every muscle tensed for the strike. I readied myself, preparing to flank the creature. I had no intention of letting Sheshem’s claws get anywhere close to her.
We crept closer to the hulking cat god, carefully coordinating our steps to avoid any noise. Miranda's blade gleamed in the dim light, a silent promise of a swift end.
Suddenly I was heartened by the idea this could all be over rather quickly.
Maybe we’d have time for a midnight swim in a pool after this?
Just as we were about to pounce, a large, clumsily set cage, draped with a net and various shiny objects, crashed down from above. It landed with a loud clang a few feet away from Sheshem, missing its mark entirely.
The cat god, startled by the sudden intrusion, let out a roar that reverberated off the walls. In an instant, it bounded away with supernatural speed, disappearing into the darkness.
Two figures stumbled into view, both dressed in cheap glittery magician costumes, complete with capes and top hats. One wielded a net, while the other brandished what looked like a toy wand.
“Hey! You ruined our trap and scared off our star attraction!” the taller of the two magicians exclaimed, frustration evident in his voice. He was a young, lanky fellow with a greasy ponytail and acne scars, and his outfit looked like it had seen better days.
The other, shorter and rounder with a fast-receding hairline for his age, chimed in, “Yeah, we’ve been planning this for weeks! That cat was going to be the centerpiece of our new act at The Mystical Mirage.”
Miranda’s eyes narrowed as she sheathed her blade, her posture radiating annoyance. “You two were trying to catchthat creaturefor a magic show? Are you out of your minds?”
“I know I’ve been out of circulation for a while,” I said to Miranda, eyeing the two morons, “but exactly how dumb have humans gotten over the years?”
“Excuse me, we are professional magicians,” the taller magician retorted. “We are Marvelous Max,” he gestured to himself then his friend, “and the Amazing Alfonso, and we’re going to revolutionize Vegas entertainment with a real-life mystical beast.” He wiggled his fingers at us in a way that made me want to rip them off his hands.
His companion, “Amazing Alfonso”, piped up, “Yeah, and we would've caught it too, if it weren’t for you guys charging in like a bull in a china shop!”
The situation was absurd; the two wannabe magicians in their shabby costumes and their botched trap were like something out of a low-budget fantasy film.
They must have dumped cologne on this morning and it made my stomach turn until it was difficult to think.
Miranda stepped forward, her body language all business. “Look, this isn’t some game. Thatbeastis a dangerous animal. You're lucky it ran off instead of turning you into its next meal.”
I’d like to think Sheshem would have better taste, but he was already rummaging in dumpsters. These two looked like they crawled out of a glittery trash can themselves.
Max's frown was downright petulant, reminding me of a five-year-old child about to throw a tantrum. “We... we have a system. We’re setting traps all over the city. High-tech stuff.”
Alfonso nodded eagerly. “Yeah, high-tech. With nets... and, uh, shiny things cats like.”
Miranda turned to me, a mix of frustration and resignation in her eyes as if to say, “Can you believe these two idiots?”
In a dry, matter-of-fact tone I said to them, “You are both going to get eaten."
Over my limit with irritation, not only because we lost Sheshem but because I almost had a perfectly delicious moment with the goddess to my left. “Here’s some free advice: Leave hunting to the professionals. Go play with your card tricks and leave the real dangers to us.”
Max bristled at my words, his pride wounded. “We arenotgiving up. This is our big break!”
Alfonso, however, seemed less convinced, his eyes darting nervously around the alley. “Maybe we should rethink our strategy, Max…”
Closing the distance until I stood right in front of the two morons, I bared my teeth and said, “This is our hunt, and if you two don’t back off you will both end up either in that cage or in the big cat’s stomach. Get it?”
“Yeah, right.” Alfonso curled his lip as he looked me up and down. “Like we are going to let a low-rent Magnum PI intimidate us.”
I stuck a finger in both of their faces, packing all the menace I could muster into my words, “I’ll take the compliment of even resembling a handsome beast like Tom Selleck, but that’s not going to save you from an ass kicking if you don’t back down.”
While my bouts of pain locked in a cage usually had me senseless for most of my days, my body had given up just as often, too tired to shift or think, and the invention of television had been one of the few blessings I’d appreciated. That and the age of books on tape helped keep me from tearing the pages out of paperbacks or splitting hardback spines in half duringa sudden fit, or accidentally ruining the books in either of the pools of water I recovered in.
