Until now.
Xander’s jaw went slack with surprise before he recovered a moment later. “Miranda. I was upset. Angry. Not at you, but at the situation. To exist in a world withhimagain...” Xander’s blue eyes spiraled off into a place I couldn’t reach him. The feraledges of him returned as I watched him enter the personal hell of his past.
The stately god receded, once more becoming the beast I met in the basement—a god driven insane by an overabundance of power that kept him alive and in pain for thousands of years. But he’d apparently preferred that hellish existence over living in the same world as his nemesis again.
Aten, the sun god, was roaming around somewhere, and it would only be a matter of time before he made his move. To him, there could only be one God, and he’d do anything to wipe out the other immortals. And judging by the magnitude of their fear, he might have the power to do it.
The other gods whispered and fretted. They wanted my head before Grim stepped in. They blamed me for releasing Aten. They should.
A vise clamped around my heart and squeezed so hard I expected my ventricles to pop like balloons.
When Xander’s eyes refocused on me, I looked away.
He whispered, “You can’t go after him.”
I repeated the little poem-like order given to me by Grim. “I am to kill every god who’d been slain by the blade before.”
Before I could turn and walk away, Xander stepped in front of me again. “He’ll kill you, Miranda.”
“Maybe,” I said, staring at a spot on his chest, breathing in the intoxicating scent of the salty sea and sandalwood. “But this is my duty, my penance. No one but me can pay it.”
I risked touching him so I could push by him, but Xander grabbed my shoulders again, dragging me close. “Miranda, I can’t let you do this. I can’t let anything happen to you. I...” The oceans in his eyes roiled as he fought to get the words out. “Iloveyou.”
All the cells in my body stilled, petrified by his impossible words. My throat thickened until I couldn’t swallow. I pursedmy lips to keep from drowning in the tormented depths of his cerulean eyes.
Gone was his indifference. All his intensity, his desire, was trained on me, and it drilled through me like a power tool, gutting me.
How fucking dare he?
How dare he try to play on my emotions after being absent for a month? I thought my heart broke the night I killed him, but I’d barely tasted heartache until he stared at me with such accusation, such open hatred before disappearing into the night.
Sure, I’d made my bed and I had to lie in it, drowning in my own mistakes. But if someone loved you, they either tried to pull you out or lie down with you.
He did neither. I sacrificed so much for the god in front of me, and he’d rejected me.
It had been a miracle he’d pried himself into my heart in the first place. There was absolutely no way he would get in again. I’d sealed all the cracks, and no one would breach that barrier. Ever.
Envisioning ice swirling out of my eyes to freeze him in place, I said, “I thought I loved you, but I was an idiot. It was only because you’d awoken feelings I thought I’d never feel again. But I don’t need those feelings, and I don’t need you.” I enunciated those last words with extreme prejudice.
He didn’t back down. Instead, he stepped in closer.
“You want me,” Xander insisted, his face lowering until his mouth was mere millimeters from mine, causing my lips to tingle in anticipation and my belly to flip-flop wildly.
Chemistry, nothing more, I insisted firmly to myself. There was nothing sexy about vinegar and baking soda, and that’s the sum of what we were to each other. Chemicals.
“I want to kill gods and be left alone.” I struggled against his grip, but Xander held me fast.
His lips pressed against mine in a fierce possessive kiss that bent my body backward, even as he held me to him.
Sharp pricks scratched at the back of my eyes as his mouth molded to mine. My chest felt like it was going to blow apart until my heart was scattered in gruesome red ribbons at his feet.
The same time Xander broke the kiss, I wanted—needed—him to keep kissing me even as I hated him more than I ever hated anything or anyone in my life. Even more than reckless drivers, more than the last remake ofPride and Prejudice, more than people who chewed with their mouths open.
I shoved him away.
“Don’t come near me again,” I warned, even as I stalked away, never looking over my shoulder.
No matter how every fiber of my being begged me to.
