I thought he meant it as a dig, but Xander merely studied my expression with open fascination. As if I were the most interesting person in the world.
“What do you think will happen?” he asked in a low husky voice. “Do you fear the second you close your eyes, one of these guys is going to spring upon us with a knife? That a god willpop out of nowhere and attack? That you won’t be in complete control of your environment?”
I hated, absolutely fucking hated that exact scenario had run through my mind already.
“And you think I’d let anything or anyone remotely near you?” One of his brows arched in question. He wasn’t touching me, but he stood so close I continued to breathe in his heat.
I narrowed my eyes at him, letting him know I wasn’t happy with this before letting my lids flutter close.
“Now what?” I asked, deliberately sounding annoyed.
“Now...” he trailed off, and I could sense him watching me. I wasn’t sure if it made me more nervous, or if I just felt stupid with my eyes shut in the middle of the bar. “Now you wait.”
“I can’t believe you’re wasting a dare on this,” I snorted. My skin prickled with unease. The sounds of clinking glasses, low chatter, and the jukebox in the background were all too indistinct and too acute at the same time.
While Xander stood in front of me, my back felt unprotected and exposed. I shrugged my shoulders a couple of times, feeling stupider and more vulnerable by the minute.
When he spoke again it was even lower than before. “You are perfectly safe.”
I snorted.
My doubt did nothing to ruffle his quiet, even tone. “I would never let anything happen to you, Miranda. If you want, you can relax your shoulders.”
“They’re fine the way they are,” I argued, feeling saltier by the minute.
Why didn’t he just kiss me and get this over with?
“Okay,” he replied smoothly, as if completely unphased by my thorniness. “Then keep them tense if that makes you feel better.”
I hated how that immediately made them fall a couple inches.
His voice, rich and soothing, continued to flow over me. "But just know, you don't always have to be on guard. Not with me. I've got you."
There was a pause, a breath of silence that seemed to stretch between us, filled with the unspoken.
The memory of him after I brought him back from the blade slammed into my brain as it had done so many times in the last month, making my stomach tense and my throat to start to close.
A mask of betrayal and seething hatred twisted his features. I was sure it was for me. Even though Xander told me at the time he’d only been thinking of Aten, I didn’t believe him. I deserved his scorn, his disappointment.
My throat closed up even more.
"Miranda," he murmured, and I could almost picture the gentle tilt of his head, the way his eyes would soften when he looked at me. “Whatever you're thinking right now, it’s just a thought. It’s not real. Whatever attack you are making on yourself, you don’t have to.”
I was about to open my mouth and tell him off for telling me what to do, but then he said, “But if you want to keep fighting yourself I’ll just stand right here with you, and remind you to feel the floor under your feet, the way your clothes wrap around your body. Focus on the sound of my voice.”
The angry, self-loathing thoughts began to slip away. Was I being hypnotized again? Had he been hanging out with Max and Alfonso, picking up tips?
I felt or maybe heard him shift his stance, though he came no closer.
“Trust is a hard thing to give, especially when you've been through what you have. But I want you to know you can trust me. I’m here, right in front of you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I bit my lip, the knot of tension in my stomach loosening slightly at his words. It was ridiculous how just a few sentences from him could start to chip away at the walls I'd meticulously built around myself.
“You can let go, even if it's just for now. Let yourself feel, Miranda. It's okay.” His voice was almost a whisper now, a caress against the tension that held my body rigid.
And so, I tried. I consciously relaxed my shoulders, letting the tension seep out with a long exhale. The sounds of the bar seemed to fade into the background along with my wariness, leaving only Xander's voice, steady and sure.
“Good,” he praised, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “How do you feel?”
