It’s time she knows the truth. As much as I want her, she shouldn’t trust me. I’ve done nothing to reward her trust. Rap is right. She needs to know I’ve held back secrets, that I’ve used her.
Then she’ll give up this insane idea to go through with the marking.
“No, you don’t. I didn’t ask you to be my bride because I needed help fending off the husband hunters. While it certainly hasn’t fucking hurt to be known as yours to keep them all off my backs, the true reason is I am using you. Using you to inspire the rebels to go through with a coup against my father. I want the Mice to bring down the crown.”
I don’t know if I’m trying to be honest or hurt her. I only care that this rattles her enough to give up the idea I need to bite her. No matter how much the larger part of me wants that—to claim her, to devour her, to make her mine for all of time.
That gives her pause. “That’s insane, Kai. You are part of the crown.”
She adjusts the strap, covering up again, thank fucking witchtits.
“I know,” I say through gritted teeth. “But it has to be done. And the only way is to get the Mice to trust me by using you as a symbol, as a sign that I am to be trusted.”
The stunned silence reverberates around me.
“Jack,” she says. “You’ve been trying to convince Jack to get the Mice on board. He’s one of them.”
I nod my head, feeling defeated. “Yes. They think I’m a trap set out by the King. But you have been helping convince them I’m not like my father.”
There. I've given up my dirty secrets and now she can hate me. Maybe she’ll cut off this engagement and go back to the Common World. I’ll figure out some other way to deal with my despotic father. The thought of her leaving tears me apart but I refuse to be the one to make her confront her worst fears. I won't be the cause of her pain and suffering.
Cinder sucks in a sharp breath. “Then let’s do it. Let’s show them.”
That throws me.
“What?” I expected anger, outrage, another knee to the nuts maybe, but I didn’t expect acceptance. “Aren’t you pissed I lied to you?”
She shrugs. “We were both using each other, that was always the deal. The specifics are less important. Seems more like your business than mine.”
It’s as if an entire castle’s worth of stone walls come slamming down. This Cinder has no feeling, no connection because she is a brick wall. And I fucking hate it. Just when I think I'd been disassembling the fae fucking thing, it’s back up in my face.
“And now that you’ve unburdened yourself of this secret. . .” Her lips thin with determination. “Kai, we have to go through with this. The engagement can’t continue unless you mark me.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck monkey. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Why doesn’t she get it? Why is she pushing me away? This is about more now, and I can’t hurt her. I refuse to.
“If you don’t do this, I can’t find out who killed my father.” Her tone is even but her violet eyes flash with fear.
“Maybe it’s better you don’t know. The deeper you dive into this, the more it crushes you. You should go home, Cinder. Forget all this. Work at the Poison Apple with your friends and leave Midnight in your past.”
Leave me in your past.
She shakes her head. “I can’t do that anymore. I need to know what happened. Marisela told me. . .” She nearly pulls her hair out as she paces to the bed and back. “She said all this crazy shit about my father abusing her. That he was a monster. Which has to be bullshit, but some of the things she said. . . the cigarillos.” Then as if cutting off her stream of thought, she stops and stares up at me. “I’m going to find out the truth about who he was and why he was killed.”
“Why?” My arms fly out. “Your father doesn’t define who you are. It shouldn’t fucking matter what he did or didn’t do. He’s dead, and you’re alive.”
She closes the space between us until her devastating scent wraps around me like a warm blanket.
“Kai, I need you to bite me.” Her voice drops to a low, commanding tone.
You’d never know right now that I’m the one with royal authority.
Slender fingers skate up the back of my neck before her short nails scrape lightly against my scalp, pulling me to the crook ofher neck. I inhale her deeply, my nose brushing along the soft pale skin of her neck again.
Underneath me, she shudders.
Oh fuck. I want it so bad. To sink my fangs into her, to let the blood that calls to me slide down my throat. I want to leave marks so that everyone knows she’s mine. Every time she looks at it or closes a dog collar over the raised scars my teeth left, she’d know I possess her body and soul.
