“I know.” My composed response is a stark contrast to the molten sorrow churning inside me. “Neither do I. But we swallow what the world throws at us. Doesn’t mean we wanted the taste. Just means we know how to live with it in our gut.”
Something flickers in her eyes. Is it the spark of resilience, or a flash of resentment? Resentment at the world, or at me, for not allowing her the solace of despair?
Some part of me wonders if I should let her wallow. Let her drown in grief. But I won’t. Maybe it’s not about her. Maybe it’s because if I let myself succumb to the unfairness of the situation, I’ll crack so wide open I’ll never put myself back together.
To finally be gifted everything I’ve always wanted, only to have it so cruelly taken away...it’s a hell I don’t wish on anyone.
Chapter 29
Richochet
AURORA
“Mommy and daddy are fighting, and I don’t like it.”
I ignore Snow as I unload the glasses from the dishwasher rack, preparing for what promises to be another crazy Saturday shift.
“Yeah, it’s freaking me out,” Ariel agrees with Snow.
“We are not fighting,” I say tightly, not slowing my movements.
I’m heartbroken. It’s different.
Actually, heartbroken doesn’t even cover it. I had him. For one impossible, perfect stretch of time, I had Talon. His hands, his mouth, his body pressed to mine, and I thought maybe we could finally be what we were meant to be. Then the fire came back, and he ordered us to bury it. Bury the touch, the closeness, the hope. I hate him for that.
I hate that he told us to shove it all down, as if we could. He’s just as fucked up about this as I am, and there’s no covering it. Not with acceptance. Not with silence.
We are both split open, bleeding, wanting what we can’t touch, and it makes me furious. Because it’s not only rotting me from the inside, it’s killing him too.
Watching Lucifer curl up on Talon’s lap this morning only added to my irritation. Why should that little beast get to be so close to Talon, and I can’t?
I’ve never despised a cat like this before. Being heartbroken is making me a monster…or just more like Snow, who hates that cat more than anyone.
“Ugh, I should have closed today,” Rap says, sidling up to the bar with her laptop. Her normally sharp green eyes are dull and bloodshot. Even her rainbow Mohawk is wilted.
“You were the one who provided so many bottles of Jolly Roger rum, boss,” Snow points out.
“Which was an amazing wedding gift,” Ariel quickly adds when Rap glares at Snow. “I know Goldie and Ted appreciated it.”
Rap resumes rubbing her forehead and mumbles a word that resembles “coffee.”
I’m quick to jump on her request. When I return with a steaming cup and saucer, my boss grunts a thank you.
“Can I get one too?” another voice asks.
I don’t look at Talon even as he stands next to Rap.
I shrug noncommittally even as I turn to head to the coffee pot.
“What did you do to her?” Snow asks Talon even as I pull another cup and saucer. My motions slow.
He didn’t do anything.
No, scratch that, he dideverything. And we can never do it again.
Talon remains silent. I know he’s just as twisted and torn about what’s happened, but he basically told me to get my shit together. So that’s what I’m doing. On my own.
“Take care of her tonight,” he says finally.
