I held up my hands in surrender. “You’re right. You’re not. I’m sorry.”
“What are you even doing here?” he grumbled, gaze skittering from mine.
“Here in town? Or in this office?” I chuckled, even though it wasn’t that funny. “Look, I saw you were missing and thought you might need a friend to check on you. That’s all.”
“I said I’m fine.”
And that’s when I hit the breaking point. I could understand his snarly attitude, but that didn’t give him the right to take it out on me. I stood, ready to leave him to his moping when he clearlydidn’t want help. But as I did, something flashed across his face, just a split second of worry or fear, and my resolve disappeared.
“You want a hug?” I asked and his mouth dropped open, surprise all over his face. “Sometimes a good hug fixes what ails us. At least for a moment.”
He was going to say no, it was clear. And I resolved myself to walking out of the office and letting him be, even though everything in me screamed to fix it. I couldn’t. No one could. So I would just have to resign myself to that fact. But then Oak jumped to his feet and nodded, and I immediately wrapped him into my arms, hugging him tightly, squeezing him with the deep pressure I knew helped Charlie.
It took a few seconds, but then he relaxed into my hold, giving me his weight, clinging on like I was a life line. I held him, letting him take what he needed, and staunchly ignoring how good he felt in my arms.
Chapter 10
Oak
Law’s hug carried me through the rest of the night. I excused myself from the party even before Law, Caitlyn, and the kids left, though. Luckily Charlie understood that I needed a break, especially because we were going to Gram and Gramps’ the next day for a family hangout and dinner.
As I walked back to my cabin, I forced my shoulders down. Sometimes forced relaxation was still relaxation. I already missed Law’s arms around me, and I realized that, just like my crush, was a problem.
He’d called me a kid. That was all I needed to know about how he saw me. A kid who happened to be a friend. Law, much like Charlie, was a touchy feely guy. Scratch that, Charlie was more like that now, but I knew that it had been Law who sustained his need for physical comfort for a long time growing up and right up until Charlie had moved here.
Now, having lived through the experience that was Law’s hugs, twice, I could understand how much they sustained you.
It was kind of sad that while I’d been here, I’d been hugged more than I’d been in the first eighteen years of my life. I had afew hugger friends in college, but this was something completely different.
Actually, no. It wasn’t “kind of sad”. It was fucking devastating. The thought hadn’t really felt too bad before, but now that I knew what I’d been missing? I fucking hated my parents for doing these things to me and my siblings.
And I fuckinglovedthe fact that I could cuss up a storm now without feeling like I’d go directly to hell.
I snorted at myself and unlocked the door to my cabin. I kicked the wall next to the doorframe a couple of times with both feet, then stepped inside. I got rid of my shoes and outerwear, then took my backpack to the couch.
The tin of yarn would be living on the coffee table for now, big as it was. It just happened to be gorgeous, and I liked to look at pretty things.
I glanced at the meager pile of cardboard boxes in the kitchen corner. Some of my pretty things were still packed because there just wasn’t room for everything in the cabin. Oh well. Maybe one day.
The next day, my family luckily realized that I wasn’t going to have much energy for being social. That meant that they told me to head over to Gram and Gramps’ place whenever I wanted, just to be there before dinnertime.
I was pretty sure Law had told Charlie who had told Uncle Teague who had told Grams. Again, they made me feel a bit mushy and weak, but in a good way. That was another realization I’d had recently; that I had never been able to just beweak at home. Because first I’d been a boy—and then a man—and weakness and needing support just weren’t allowed for me.
I remembered countless times when me or one of my brothers got hurt playing and we were told to brush it off. Or when Amos, the middle brother who was four years younger than me, had gotten super sad when his favorite teacher moved away. He’d been trying his best not to cry, but he’d been only six and I could still recall the way how I’dhatedmy parents for not comforting him.
By the time I felt ready to head to my grandparents’ place, I gathered the few presents I had for them, Charlie, and my aunt and uncle, and started the walk to the parking lot. I kept my car there, because with it by the cabins, especially with all the snow around, made it feel even more cramped.
How Charlie had kept his massive SUV there, I didn’t know.
I walked past the road leading to the Yellow House and wondered if Caitlyn had left yet. I got my answer as soon as I saw the parking lot below.
They were all there, for some reason. Maybe they’d grabbed one last bite to eat, or Caitlyn had gone to say bye to Nic and Dana. Either way, I walked to my car that was on the other side of the lot and tried not to spy on their family moment.
I could tell Harper was trying to hold herself together. The other two were openly crying. Everyone was hugging and talking, but fortunately I was far enough not to be able to figure out the words.
As I drove away from the Inn, I hated myself a little. I was envious of those children. They were going through something really rough, but they had all the support they could possibly need. How could I envy them for not having their mom around as much? I would’ve givenanythingto have a loving family like theirs growing up.
Mine had been a family that was perfect on the outside if you looked at it through a certain lens. We were the perfect Youngs. My whole body shuddered as I drove, as if my psyche was trying to shake off the memories of the abuse I’d suffered all in the name of making sure we were perfect.
